


Variance

by Stargazer1116



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Addiction, Alcohol Addiction, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluffy-duff-bum-bum, Hallmark Channel of Reylo, No Smut, Rey has a crush, Romantic Fluff, Sex Addiction, Sexy not smutty, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Snoke isn't evil...just annoying, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, fluff-fest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-06
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-08-19 15:25:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 43,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16537196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stargazer1116/pseuds/Stargazer1116
Summary: Variance - the fact, quality, or state of being variable or variant; a license to do some act contrary to the usual ruleRey is heartbroken when she learns her temporary visa is expiring...and is mortified when her office crush. Kylo Ren, catches her crying about it. He is a partner in Skywalker & Associates law firm where she is an assistant. One thing leads to another...and what started as a simple solution for each of their problems turns into something much...much more. Together they wade through their deep scars to love.*This fic will deal with some addiction issues...more to come on that later. As always, though, my rating will not change above teen & up...think PG-13 movie level. This fic is complete, and I will post updates twice a day.Come say hi on tumblr: @stargazer1116





	1. Trouble

**Author's Note:**

> Hey friends...I'm ba-ack! There will be two updates posted per day starting tomorrow. I hope you enjoy this! There will be some serious content in this one...it's a bit of a personal story for me. Tags on that will come later. Enjoy!

For what felt like the thousandth time that day, Rey told herself to stop chewing her lip.

 

When she chews it, she is prone to eczema there...and once that started, it was almost impossible to get rid of in the cold January of New York.

 

Her stomach plummeted...again...as she thought about the letter she just opened this morning.

 

_Dear Miss Johnson,_

 

_We regret to inform you that your temporary work visa will expire..._

 

After completing her bachelor’s degree at Columbia, she applied for a temporary work visa, hoping to save enough to go on to her law degree on a student visa again to stay in the US. Unfortunately, she was all out of resources to do so, and all of her scholarships that got her through undergrad were used up. An undergrad degree in pre-law didn’t open a lot of vocation doors.

 

Thus...her job as an assistant at Skywalker and Associates Law...and her temporary work visa.

 

She couldn’t return to England...she just couldn’t. There was nothing left for her there. _Everything_ was here. Her friends...her...well, really just her friends. But with no family, that was everything to her.

 

She hadn’t even told them yet. Finn, Rose, and Poe….how could she?

 

She sank her head into her arm. This was a disaster.

 

_____________________________

 

“Mr. Ren? Party of 1? Your group is up top…”

 

He mumbled an acknowledgment and walked purposefully to the stairs that led to the rooftop bar where the client party was.

 

When his feet stepped out onto the roof after the last step, he sighed.

 

He hated these things.

 

As a confirmed bachelor, these kinds of social engagements annoyed him. He was either reminded of his single status incessantly by comments from Snoke and the other associates with their spouses, or he was hit on...repeatedly.

 

He knew he was attractive, and in younger days he took advantage of that. A lot, but not for a long, long time now.

 

He liked being a lawyer...he was good at it. So good, in fact, that it dominated his life. Being the youngest partner in the history of Skywalker & Associates did not come without a price...a price he paid over and over again for the last eight years, despite the fact that his grandfather was the founding partner.

 

Maybe _because_ his grandfather was the founding partner. Of course, he didn’t actually _know_ that Anakin was his grandfather until he was a teenager. No...that little detail his family had decided to keep hidden from him for some time.

 

Being the son of Leia Organa-Solo, who was politically on the opposite side of nearly every case, at least in principle, that S & A took didn’t help either.

 

So...he reinvented himself...and he had everything he always wanted. To pick up the mantle of Anakin by joining the law empire he founded as Kylo Ren.

 

Except...except for these events.

 

He grabbed a beer from the open bar and steeled himself to join the fray.

 

“Kylo! My boy!” Snoke bellowed when he drew close. Snoke’s wife, Aurora, turned her rather artificially enhanced face to him and offered her too-smooth cheek to him, which he dutifully kissed.

 

“Darling...here alone again? Oh...that will not do. There is a lovely lady I met earlier...I think Tiffany was her name…”

 

He shook Snoke's hand and tried to deflect. “You know, Aurora…”

 

Snoke laughed and chided, “You know this one only cares about his work. Take heed though, my son...you may wish you had considered a different path one day.”

 

He clenched his free hand to avoid rolling his eyes. Why must everyone poke their head in his business?

 

Just then, Hux and Phasma made their appearance. They made small talk with the Snokes and just a moment later, he heard Aurora’s shrill voice say, “Phas! Why are you just drinking Pellegrino, dear?”

 

The tall blonde dipped her head in a mock display of shyness and turned to her husband. “Well, Armie...should we tell them?”

 

When Kylo saw the ginger’s hand rest on his wife’s stomach, he couldn’t stop the eye roll. He backed up to distance himself from the animated voices in a veritable hurricane in front of him.

 

He forced himself to have an extended conversation with the client and a few of his senior staff that were hosting the soiree before disappearing back down the stairs.

 

When he got to the car with his driver, he rested his head against the window, allowing the cool surface to soothe the ache starting to blossom there.

 

He hated those things.

 

____________________________

 

“Rey-Rey...what are you going to do?” Rose asked her, as they both sat on Rey’s bed in their small one-bedroom walk up.

 

She groaned. “I don’t know. I wanted to tell you first. I’m so sorry, Rose. You will have to get a new roommate…”

 

“Hey, don’t you worry about that. I can find someone. In fact, Jess was saying she wants out of where she is the other day. I’m not worried about finding someone...but what will I do without you? You can’t get an extension or anything?”

 

Rey shook her head as the tears rolled down her cheek. “I...no...they won’t.”

 

“Are there any other options?”

 

“Pretty much just go back or get married. I could go to school and get another student visa, but I can’t afford that.”

 

Rose wrapped her arms around her shoulders and leaned her dark head on Rey’s shoulder. “Well...maybe your knight in shining armor will appear and sweep you off your feet?”

 

Rey snort laughed. “Right, Rose...having 150K drop out of the sky for law school would be more likely.”

 

They laughed together at that...then turned serious.

 

“I...I can’t go back, Rose...I just can’t.”

 

Rose rubbed her back. “I know, sweetie...I know.”

 

______________________________________

 

As Rey laid there trying to fall asleep, she rolled over on her stomach and looked out the window. Usually seeing the sky in an apartment was unheard of, but their bedroom had a little patch between buildings where she could see a section of sky. The stars were glittering, and one seemed to pulse.

 

She had a faith with her since she was a little girl...but it had been a while. Tonight, though, she prayed that He would hear her plea and help her find a way.


	2. Desperation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to click "Subscribe" to get the update email! Another one coming your way tonight!

Friday morning, Rey decided she was going to put it out of her mind. It was almost the weekend, and she had some plans with her friends to go see the play Finn was in on Saturday. She had 6 weeks...and she just needed to enjoy them.

 

That resolve lasted until lunch.

 

It was her turn to stay in for the lunch hour. All the assistants took turns staggering their lunches so they could cover in case something was needed.

 

Once the other girls left, Rey was left to the quiet, and the anxiety caught her up again.

 

 _Please...please!_ She pled. _Please help me find a way._

 

“Miss Johnson?” she heard the deep voice behind her call out.

 

She startled at the interruption to her desperate prayers. Her eyes sank shut, and she tried to right her face. She knew without looking, though, that her eyes were red and her freckled skin would have red blotches from crying. She sighed. That couldn’t really be helped now.

 

Why did it have to be him? All the assistants were simultaneously in love with and afraid of him...including her. Of course, he had to be the one to find her like this.

 

“Yes...Mr. Ren?”

 

“I need you to get me the files on that Harvey case. Look through the call logs and highlight anything on October…”

 

She sniffed as she was making notes of his request...then he just stopped. She looked up.

 

He was looking at her...uncomfortably...but nevertheless looking…

 

“Is something wrong, Mr. Ren?” she queried.

 

He cleared his throat. “Is...are you...why are you crying?”

 

His question caught her off guard. He never asked or offered anything personal.

 

“Oh...sir...I just got some unpleasant news this week...that is all.”

 

“I see...are you unwell?”

 

“No...nothing like that,” she assured him and tried to indicate for him to continue.

 

When he just stood there silent, she sighed and looked back up. His expression was resolute and he was waiting for her to answer him.

 

“What is it...Rey.”

 

He used her name. He _knew_ her name.

 

“I...do you really want to know?” As she asked, her hand absentmindedly went to her neck, which was now cramping from looking up at him from her seated position. He was so tall…

 

He sat at on the chair at the desk next to hers, seeing her physical discomfort. He never asked about personal information like this from his employees. But uncharacteristically, he felt pity for the pretty-yet-plain assistant that would be alone for a while yet until her co-workers returned, so he just nodded in response.

 

“I...well, I am sure you can tell that I’m not from here. I’m from London. I came to the states for my undergrad work, then was planning to do law school, but needed to save up a bit first. As an immigrant...I’m not eligible for student aid. Anyway, I’ve been working here on a temp visa...and I was just informed it is expiring in 6 weeks. They are sending me back.”

 

“I see. And...you do not wish to return?”

 

Her eyes sank closed and she shook her head. “I did not have a pleasant life there, Mr. Ren. I do not want to go back. I have built a life and a family here.”

 

“And..there are no alternatives? Extensions?”

 

“No, sir. My only options are to return, go to school, or…”

 

He waited expectantly for her last thought. He waved his hand at her, indicating for her to continue.

 

She sighed. “Or...to get married, Sir.”

 

His eyes widened. “So...you are telling me that of those options, returning home is the least desirable?”

 

She was looking down at her hands, tears falling on them. “I...”

 

“Nevermind. I have a friend in immigrant law. I can check with her to see if she knows of anything else you can do.”

 

“Oh...that would be wonderful, Mr. Ren!” she exclaimed.

 

She wiped her eyes and nose with a tissue, then grabbed her notepad again. “Thank you, sir...but I don’t need to take up any more of your time. What was it you needed on the Harvey case?”

 

_____________________________________

 

When he got back to his office, he shut the door and called his godmother, Amilyn Holdo.

 

“Benny! It’s been a long time!”

 

He couldn’t stop the grin...and he couldn’t get mad at her for calling him that. Even as the distance had grown between him and his parents, Amilyn was always willing to reach out and have him reciprocate.

 

“Auntie Ami...I have an employee that is in a bind. I am hoping you might be able to give me some advice?”

 

“Sure...what is going on?”

 

He briefly explained Rey’s predicament. When he finished, she just sighed.

 

“I wish I could give you better news. Unfortunately, there have been a lot of crackdowns on immigration in the last few years. If this was 5 years ago, we could probably have done something. But, Rey is right...she will have to be deported, apply for a student visa, or get married. Even that last one is tricky these days. They investigate so much of the couples' personal affairs.”

 

“Let’s say she had someone that was an option...is there guidance on what they are looking for?”

 

“Why...are you considering this, Benny?”

 

“What? No! Of course not. But, if she has friends...I just wondered if there is some sort of playbook to help her out? She’s a nice girl and a great employee.”

 

“Well...as a lawyer, I cannot divulge that kind of information. However, from my personal email to my godson, I can probably send you something like, oh, I don’t know...a Christmas list.”

 

He grinned into the phone. “Right...a Christmas list. I do need that to know what to get my favorite Aunt.”

 

“Charmer. Ok...I will send you that list.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

“No problem. Oh, and Benny?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Call your mother!” she gushed out before she disconnected the call.

 

He laughed into the receiver. She was as subtle as her hair color. The last he had seen her, it was a sky blue.

 

He scolded himself for getting involved in the next breath. He never made personal connections with employees, especially women. But...when she turned and looked at him, obviously upset, it was like a compulsion.

 

She was a good assistant...he would be sorry to lose her.

 

Yeah...that is why he got involved.

 

____________________________________

 

Later that day, Kylo got a call from his real estate agent. He had a bid in on an apartment in the building he had been trying to get into for years. He tried to temper any excitement at the contact.

 

“So…” Bazine started. “Do you want the good news or the bad news?”

 

He groaned inwardly.

 

“You pick.”

 

“OK. Well, the seller picked your bid...but the association will likely deny it.”

 

“What? Why? Can they do that?”

 

“They can...and they will. They can afford to be selective since the building is in high demand, and some of the older owners are pulling their weight. They don’t want any more single adults moving in...only couples or families. They have enough of a majority, they can sway the vote.”

 

He couldn’t contain the annoyance from his voice. “That...that is discrimination!”

 

She chuckled. “I agree...but unfortunately, their privacy contracts are air-tight, and as a single white male, you aren’t exactly a protected class.”

 

He huffed as he sat on the leather couch in the corner. “There...there is nothing you can do?”

 

“Nope,” she said, accentuating the pop of the “p” at the end. “Unless...unless you have a fiance hiding somewhere I don’t know about...or decide you need one?” she teased.

 

He winced. She had been flirting shamelessly with him for years. He wished he could say he did have someone just to make her stop. But...she was an excellent agent, and he needed her on this deal.

 

He looked out the window of his office...and saw Miss Johnson sitting there.

 

With a jolt...an idea struck.

 

No...he couldn’t...could he? If he even suggested it, would it be some kind of sexual harassment or something?

 

“Ah...Bazine...I will call you tomorrow. Something has come up at work.”

 

He tapped the end button before she could protest.

 

He stood up and started pacing.

 

He couldn’t do this...he couldn’t ask her...right? It would be crazy?

 

But...he was feeling desperate. The apartment that was just beyond his grasp...the constant harassment about his marital status from his colleagues.

 

And she...she was desperate too.

 

It was crazy...but it could work.

 

He pinched the bridge of his nose as he tried to talk himself out of it one more time before resolutely walking to his door.

 

“Miss Johnson...could you come in here please?”

 

___________________________

 

Rey was...confused and a bit uncomfortable. She had never been called into Mr. Ren’s office before. She was worried maybe she was in trouble? Should she not have aired her personal laundry to someone of his status earlier? She really needed this job until whatever was going to happen to her happened.

 

He had asked her to sit on the couch instead of the normal chairs assistants used next to the desk in the lawyers' offices. He took the armchair next to it.

 

“Miss Johnson. I find myself in my own personal predicament, different yet similar to your own.”

 

“Oh?” she offered nervously.

 

“Yes...you see, the business of being a leader and partner comes with certain expectations of which I am not eager to acquiesce. There is a great deal of pressure, if you will, that someone in my position be a family man. Which frankly, is ridiculous since the hours required for the job preclude one from having a personal life.”

 

“What business is it of the company what you do in your personal life?”

 

He smiled. She had never seen that before...and it was heart-stopping.

 

“Precisely! And yet...there are these social norms I cannot escape. In addition, I am trying to purchase an apartment, which I will get denied by the homeowners association board for the same reason.”

 

She snort-laughed, then raised her eyes to his in horror as she realized what she did.

 

He caught that...but was confused at her embarrassment. He thought it was...charming?

 

“Well Mr. Ren, I am sorry for the trials you are having as well. It’s too bad there isn’t some kind of weird need-a-pretend-spouse-Tinder out there...where you could find someone with no strings attached? We could both use that right about now.”

 

He was fidgeting. Rey didn’t think she had ever seen this man be anything but self-assured. But...he was...nervous? That couldn’t be…

 

“Miss Johnson...there is the possibility that there is an unorthodox solution that could resolve both of our issues.”

 

She furrowed her brows at him in confusion, then they flew up high into her hairline.

 

“Wha-wha-what? Mr. Ren…”

 

“Miss Johnson...please know that I only offer this with the highest professionalism. I am not suggesting anything untoward…”

 

“Are you... are you saying what I think you are saying?”

 

“I...I am. I am saying I think we should get married.”


	3. Details

She stood up and started pacing as well. “Mr. Ren...you can’t...I...you must be joking…”

She stopped when he walked over to her and crossed his arms. He glowered down at her, and she felt the angst of those he cross-examined in court.

“I’m afraid not, Miss Johnson. I am quite serious. We both have a need for this, and therefore we can come to a mutually beneficial agreement.”

She just stared at him, slack-mouthed.

“But...you are an attractive wealthy man. Surely you have better options than me!” she wailed.

He cocked his head at her, considering her words as he assessed her. She was average height for a woman and was slender. She always dressed modestly, as if not to cause attention to herself, preferring to dress in neutral colors...frumpy even. She almost always had her chestnut brown hair back in some sort of bun. Her eyebrows were expressive, and her cheeks and pert nose dusted with freckles that were somehow even more appealing on her.

By far, though, her eyes dominated her appearance. They were expressive and snapped with light. They were not quite green and not quite gold...somewhere in between. He had to admit she was attractive but in a very understated way.

“I’m not actually looking for a real wife, Rey...just as you aren’t looking for a real husband, right?”

“No...of course not...” she stammered. She supposed this was not the time to bring up her crush on him from afar. No...that wouldn’t do…

“So...we both get what we want. I get the pressure relieved and can buy my apartment, and you get your green card.”

She glanced down at her watch. It was 4:00.

“Uhhh...how soon do you think we would need to decide?”

“Mmmm...immediately, I think. We don’t have much time...for either of our deadlines.”

She nodded. “Can I have some time? To consider?”

“I would need an answer soon...my offer will get rejected this weekend.”

She gulped. “I...I have a friend? She is my confidant...I would just like to talk this over with her?”

He was thoughtful for a moment, then gave her a curt nod. “Fine...but she tells no one. She must give you a verbal agreement prior to you talking about her. I would have her sign something later…”

“I trust her implicitly...she is my best friend and very discreet.”

He looked at his watch. “Very well. I have a meeting until 4:45. I will be back then...feel free to use my office until then for your...discreet conversation.”

She stood and then realized how close she was to him as she looked up. My...he was tall. She had to stop thinking that…

“I am just going to go grab my phone…”

She ran out to her desk and grabbed her purse before hurrying back to his office. He was already gone.

She closed the door and sank against it. What on earth had just happened?

______________________________________

Rose picked up quickly after she sent her an SOS text.

“Rey...you’re scaring me...what is going on?”

Rey looked out the window by his door and then walked over to the one overlooking Central Park.

“Rose...I have just had the strangest afternoon of my life.” She went on to recount her conversation with Mr. Ren at lunch...then the one that had just ended.

“Wait...he what? Is he harassing you, Rey?” she demanded.

“No...nothing like that. He is trying to help...and I can help him too.”

“Sure you can...help him...wait a sec. Rey...is this that young handsome partner you have been crushing on for the last year?”

A tight “mmmm-hmm” is all she could get out.

“Oh my gosh...does that make this all better or worse?”

“A little of both, truthfully. I mean...the man of my dreams proposed to me today...and it’s all fake. I am still processing how I feel about that.”

“Wow...and you have to decide soon, huh?”

“Yes. Ro-Ro...what do you think I should do?”

She was quiet for a moment. “I don’t feel like I can tell you what you can do, but I do know the clock it ticking, and the irony is not lost on me that only last night we were joking about your knight in shining armor offering to marry you.”

Rey snorted. “Yeah...but more like a broody knight in a black suit.”

“Picky-picky…”

_______________________________

Rey finished with Rose and then realized there were only five minutes until Mr. Ren was due back. She just stayed, looking out the window.

The view of the part was stunning in the twilight of early evening. Even though she was expecting it, her distraction with the view caused her to jump when she heard the door shut.

She heard him set down his satchel before making his way toward her.

“Did you...ah...catch your friend?”

“I did.” She turned to face him. “Tell me, Mr. Ren...if we were to do this, how long do you anticipate it would go on?”

He shrugged. “It would have to be a reasonable amount of time. Five years? That’s just off the top of my head. But we could decide that...later.”

“And.. .you really think we can do this? Fool everyone to think that we are in love and getting married?”

“Well...not at the moment, but I think we can work on a story and figure it out. Amilyn sent me a list of things they look for. We just need to go over it and agree on the details. It shouldn’t be that hard. We are intelligent people."

“But Mr. Ren...being a couple is more than just telling people. It has to be believable. I’m not sure we can pull that off. I mean...I’m a lowly assistant here. I’m not really known for being the kind of woman that would attract a partner.”

He turned and walked towards her. “The people here have never seen me date anyone, Miss Johnson. They have no idea what kind of woman I would be attracted to. Besides, you are lovely and kind...and good at your job. Do you think it would be so hard for people to think someone could fall in love with you?”

He didn’t mean that...he couldn’t. But looking up at him, nothing in his face rang of insincerity. Oh...how she wished his words were true...and that he could believe them himself.

What would it be like, she wondered? Pretending to be married to this man? Living with him and being around him all the time? Being legally bound to him?

It actually sounded pretty amazing. She had to admit that just the thought of it all made her heart flutter and her head feel a little dizzy.

She lowered her head and breathed in, then looked him in the eye and stuck out her hand. “You have yourself a deal, Mr. Ren.”

Surprised, he took her small hand in his. She didn’t expect his hands to be so warm. Her breath hitched and she willed her face to not show the giddiness she felt.

____________________________________

Research.

That is how she found herself changed from her work clothes and walking to the restaurant she was to meet him at.

She wasn’t sure if she was too casual. Skinny jeans, boots and her favorite tunic sweater in moss green.

Well...it couldn’t be helped. She checked her phone again. Balthazar was just a block away.

She shivered into her coat. What had she gotten herself into?

She stood at the restaurant door and paused.

It felt like one of those moments...the moments you can’t take back and that change your life from here on out...a turning point.

She pulled the door open and stepped inside...into what would be.

She scanned those waiting and caught a wave out of the corner of her eye. She saw him in a corner booth. At least...she thought it was him.

He was standing there in black fitted jeans and a charcoal cashmere sweater...and black combat boots. So...he still wore those colors even in his personal life, but she’d never seen him this casual.

She swallowed as she walked over. This was a decidedly less formal Mr. Ren...and that made him seem more...attainable? Her heart hammered in her chest as she struggled to shake that thought off.

“Mr. Ren…” she started.

“You should probably call me Kylo, Rey.”

She nodded and sat in the chair he was holding out for her. He waved the waitress over. Rey just ordered water. She noticed he looked at her funny before ordering an IPA.

It did not escape Rey’s notice that the waitress was saccharine-sweet with Kylo, yet he never looked at her. He couldn't be oblivious to the attention he got. It made her wonder why again he wanted to do this.

He folded his menu. “So...I thought we could go over the list my friend sent...of the things we would need to think about.” He paused and did that jaw twitch thing she had seen him do when he was deep in thought.

“And...I looked this over already. If after we go over this you think it is too much...just say the word. We don’t have to go through with this.”

She nodded...now really curious what was on the paper he was holding.

Just then the waitress came back to take their order. He got a steak...and she got a burger. She didn’t even look at the menu. Her palms were sweating and she was nervous. She was finally here with him, and about to have what would likely be one of the most uncomfortable conversations she’d ever had if his foreboding offer to let her out of it was any indication.

He unfolded the paper and scanned it quickly, twitching is jaw again as he debated where to start.

She gulped and held out her hand. “Would it be easier if I just read it?”

He looked relieved and handed it over.

She scanned the page. Her eyes caught the fragments “will need to prove a romantic relationship” and “home visits”....then “evidence of a sexual…”

She put down the paper and took a deep breath.

“Rey...I mean it. If this is too much…”

“Why don’t we just start at the top? When did we start dating?”

“Well...how do we answer that and have it be believable?” he asked.

She chewed on her lip while she thought for a minute. “Well...what if we said we were hiding it because of the no-fraternization rules from HR? That is why no one knew? Even our friends except for Rose?”

He nodded. “That could work...a reason for the relationship to be a secret.”

She fumbled in her purse and pulled out a pen, then checked off the first line. “See...it’s not so bad…”

But a few minutes later, she was blushing furiously.

“Well...we can just move you into my apartment? I have guest rooms, and you can keep some of your stuff in my room? I mean...they aren’t wanting videos or anything…”

“Mr...I mean...Kylo. You should know...I would never live with someone before I got married. I just couldn’t…and my friends would know that.”

His eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Oh...I see. Well, that could fit why your things wouldn’t be there, I guess? Unless you stayed the night sometimes?”

She closed her eyes and sighed. “I...listen, if they interview our friends, it is probably important for you to know that I don’t sleep around…”

“Well...that is fine...I mean, I would be your fiance…”

Ugh. She was going to have to spell this out for him. “No. I mean...I haven’t ever...done that. My friends know that it is important to me...I was saving myself...until I got married.”

His mouth formed a silent o. He thought back about his earlier thoughts...about her being borderline frumpy. Her modesty made sense now.

“So you never…”

She shook her head, and her eyes were huge. This was not the conversation he thought he’d be having with an employee…

“So...the no drinking thing...that is something they’d know too?”

She nodded.

“Are you...religious or something?”

“Well..yes...sort-of, but the drinking thing, that is a bit different. My parents were alcoholics. Alcohol ruined them. They were in and out of rehab for years.”

“Wow.” He didn’t know what else to say.

“When I was fifteen, I started drinking...and it wasn’t pretty. It quickly became apparent that I would suffer the same fate if I continued. A friend helped...I haven’t drank since.”

“Is that when you got religious?”

She smiled. “Actually...yes. A friend took me to church, and I found a family there. King’s Church London...if I hadn’t found my way there, I probably would have fallen in the same path as my parents. I got in a Celebrate Recovery program...and here I am. ”

He studied her, and she saw the surprise on his face. She knew people often didn’t understand or agree with her. She waited and mentally prepared herself for his response.

“That...that is great. I am glad you found that and got help.”

He surprised her. “Oh...ah...thank you.”

“So...no physical relationship before marriage. That helps with some of these questions...I mean, I wouldn’t know what kind of toothpaste you use or have your personal items on my nightstand if that isn’t happening. I guess we will have to revisit them after.”

They went on to discuss other random facts like favorite movies, flavor of ice cream, childhood memories…

Well...they started to, but he cut that conversation off rather quickly.

He shifted gears.

“So...you know about the no dating clause to subordinates. I was thinking that the best way to handle this is to announce we are engaged, and then you can quit.”

“Quit?” she said nervously as her stomach plummeted.

“Well...yeah. I was thinking too, we could get you into law school instead. You can’t work when you are in school anyhow.”

“But...Kylo...I can’t pay for…”

“I should say, Rey...I will be covering all your expenses from here on out, including school. For the next few weeks until the wedding, then afterward...it’s actually part of the list. Our finances will be scrutinized. Why wouldn’t I, a partner in a successful law firm, be supporting my wife?”

She felt her blood rush in her ears. What on earth was she getting herself into?

“I’m sorry...did you say for a few weeks?”

He grinned. “Yeah...we can’t wait too long. I am thinking of a destination wedding...maybe in the Caribbean? That would keep it from needing to be anything big here...or having people there.”

Her mind was racing. She was going to marry the man she had been admiring from afar for a year...in the Caribbean...and he was going to pay for school. It all seemed too good to be true. She was starting to feel lightheaded.

Fortunately, that is when the waitress brought their meal with more wanton looks at Kylo and indifference to her.

How would they sell this? Even the waitress could tell they weren’t really together. If she could, she wouldn’t be flirting with him right under her nose, right?

“Kylo...how are we going to convince people? I mean...our waitress has been shamelessly flirting with your all night, assuming I’m not your date. There is no way a federal agent is going to buy this.”

He grinned. “I know...that happens a lot. I’ve learned to ignore it. But, you are right...we have to be convincing. We can start by being seen together in public and at events. I will have work events you can come to. What about your friends...is there anything I could come to?”

“Well...my friend Finn is in a play tomorrow night...off-Broadway. Other than that...nothing I can think of.”

He was chewing his steak and thinking. “I can do that...what time?”

“It starts at 7:30, then we were going to do a late dinner afterward.”

“Done...it’s a date.”

Her heart surged into her stomach when she heard the word “date.” Yikes...this was a lot.

“We should also probably hold hands and have a level of affection in public too.”

She gulped. She was doing a lot of that right now...

“Don’t worry...I won’t compromise your honor. Just things that people would do in front of others. We need them to believe this, right?”

She nodded. It registered in his mind that she hadn’t actually spoken for a while. He could see the deer caught in the headlights expression on her face.

She was freaking out.

“Rey,” he called softly. “Come here.” He patted the spot on the bench seat next to him.

Her eyes darted over and she haltingly stood, then sat stiffly next to him.

He put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her over so he could whisper in her ear, “Don’t be afraid...I feel it too. It’s going to be OK.”


	4. Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just because I'm feeling generous tonight...

He arrived at her building at 6:30 to ride to the play with her and Rose.

 

Rey was pacing the apartment before he came, muttering to herself.

 

“Rey-Rey...you are going to wear a hole in the floor. What are you doing?”

 

“I just...I mean...is this crazy? Am I crazy?”

 

Rose paused and debated about what to say. The truth was, she was a bit worried about Rey and her heart getting broken in all of this. She knew she had a year of unrequited admiration for the guy, and being married to him, even fake married, was likely to send that over the edge into falling in love with him. On the other hand, she knew Rey was out of options and this was the right answer in the nick of time.  And...who knew what could happen?

 

“No...you aren’t crazy. But...you do look hot!”

 

Rey looked down at her outfit. A borrowed emerald silk drapey cold-shoulder blouse over black skinny jeans and heeled booties was definitely different from her normal dress. He hair fell around her shoulders in soft waves, and, she was wearing makeup. Not much...but her eyes were smokey and vibrant.

 

“Is it too much?”

 

Rose smile, knowing Rey trended more towards modesty. “Not at all...you look great, but in a classy way. Very lawyers wife-y.”

 

Rey laughed, but then was about to bemoan her situation again when there was a knock at the door.

 

Rose gestured. “Do ya want me…”

 

Rey nodded, so Rose crossed the room to get the door.

 

“You must be Ren?” she queried with a serious expression and her arms crossed across her chest.

 

“Uh….yes? Miss Tico?”

 

She leaned closer to him, drawing herself up to what seemed like more than her foot and a half deficit from his height. “Break her heart, and you have me to deal with. I don’t care how good of a lawyer you are, or how scared you make other people...got that?”

 

Kylo was taken aback. He usually scared people, but this five-foot-nothing woman actually made him gulp.

 

“I...I wouldn’t dream of it.”

 

She relaxed and smiled. “Good...c’mon in.”

 

He walked in and froze when he saw Rey standing across the room. She looked...wow...she looked different.

 

His words didn’t usually fail him...but he was finding that they did now. How was this gorgeous woman the mouse that scurried around the office trying to be unseen?

 

Rey cleared her throat. “Um...are you ready to go, Kylo?”

 

At her words, he was able to shake off the numbness that robbed his words.

 

“Yes...of course. I have a cab waiting downstairs. After you ladies.”

 

In the cab, Rey sat in the middle.

 

Rose started in. “Look...Kylo...we have a good 45 minutes until the show. We should probably talk about how this is going to go?”

 

He leaned forward slightly to look at the smaller woman on the other side of Rey. “How this is going to go?” he queried.

 

“Yeah...I mean, do you two have your story straight? The guys are going to be suspicious.”

 

“Rose,” Rey whisper-yelled. “We talked about this.”

 

“Yeah...but how are you going to convince them? I mean...it’s one thing to tell a story, but selling that story is something else entirely.”

 

He smirked at her. “What are you getting at, Tico?”

 

“Have the two of you discussed PDA?”

 

His brow furrowed in confusion. Rey gasped.

 

“You know….public display of affection. How exactly are you two prepared to make people think you are in love and are getting married?”

 

Rey winced.

 

He tried not to be amused by it all. “Well...it is a fair question, Rey. We haven’t really talked about that.”

 

“I...uh...can’t we just wing it?”

 

Rose snorted. “Do you really think you will be believable when whatever affection you choose to do happens for the first time in front of people? Friends who will already be looking at your relationship suspiciously? Nevermind the immigration officer?”

 

At that moment, the cab driver stopped and announced their arrival.

 

Kylo let Rose get out but then held Rey back.

 

“She’s right, you know.”

 

Rey gulped and looked at him. He sighed and nodded for her to get out.

 

“Rose...would you excuse us for a bit. We are going to take a walk.”

 

Rose was uncharacteristically without words, only able to watch her friend walk away with the huge man.

 

He brought one of his long arms up over her shoulders as they walked. Rey tried not to sigh at the comforting warmth it brought.

 

“I have never been one for public affection, but there is some level here that will be necessary. Are you OK with that?”

 

In her mind, Rey was vacillating. Did she want it? Would she like it? Absolutely. But being OK with it...that implied being OK with knowing it was for show, and that part was a bit harder for her to swallow.

 

“I guess so.”

 

He stopped and looked down at her, grasping her shoulders. “You know...it it not too late to back out of this. We don’t have to do this, Rey.”

 

She gazed up at him, wishing the intensity in his eyes was for her. “Uhhh...no. It is fine. I am fine...whatever we need to do.”

 

He leaned down and for a brief moment, she thought he was going to kiss her. But then he veered right and kissed her cheek. She sighed and closed her eyes.

 

“We’ll get through this, Rey. And on the other side, it will all be worth it.” He spoke right into her ear, and shivers ricocheted down her spine from the impact of his voice.

 

She nodded and forced a smile. She wasn’t sure that was true. On the other side, she might think what waited for her in London would be easier to deal with than the free-fall her heart was about to take.

 

__________________________

 

It was almost 11:00 pm before Finn was done with his play and they all went out. It was then that he saw a whole new side to her, relaxed with her friends.

 

He saw her animated face, so different from the serene expression she wore at work. He had always thought she was a nice girl and extremely competent, but this little scheme of theirs was showing something completely different.

 

She was beautiful.

 

Sure, there was something about the different clothes she was wearing--the way the green top lit up her eyes, and seeing her hair down and soft. That was nice.

 

But...he noticed with her friends, her eyes lit up and glowed.

 

He could see the furtive glances the two men were giving him out of the corner of his eyes, but he ignored it and kept his focus on her.

 

Finn, especially, seemed skeptical. “So...for months you two have been dating?”

 

Kylo nodded. “Do you find that hard to understand, Finn?”

 

“Actually...I do, Kylo. I find it a bit odd that we didn’t know.”

 

Rey put a hand on Finn’s arm as she said, “Finn...I know it is hard to understand, but my job was on the line. No one could know…”

 

Finn took a swig of his beer and then said, “OK…I can buy that. Then why now? Why is it OK to  tell people to know?”

 

Rey turned to look at him, panic in her eyes. Unconsciously, Kylo put an arm around her shoulder and pulled her back to lean against his side. “As long as it was new...and more casual...we didn’t think it was worth the risk.”

 

Finn’s eyes narrowed on him. “So now it is worth it?”

 

Kylo met his eyes. “We think so...things are serious, now...so we are making the leap.”

 

“Serious? Leap? What is going on?”

 

“I love her,” Kylo said lowly, “and I am going to make sure she is OK...no matter who finds out.” He punctuated that with a kiss to her temple.

 

The table got quiet.

 

Rey heard the blood rushing in her ears. She tried to quell the bounce her heart got when he said, _I love her_...forget the whisper of his lips at her temple. That she couldn’t dwell on…

 

Rose piped in, “I know, Finn...it was weird for me when I found out too. But...it’s true. They are in love. You should see them when they think no one is looking.”

 

She smiled to herself. She thought it was in part true. She knew how Rey felt, and she didn’t miss the way he looked at her in the apartment when he saw her looking so different from how she looked at work.

 

Finn looked back over at them one more time, then shrugged. “OK...I won’t push it anymore. I’m positive he’s not good enough for you…”

 

“I am literally right here,” Kylo muttered.

 

“...but I will support whatever you want, Peanut.”

 

Rey just smiled at him while inwardly willing her fluttering heart to slow down and remember this all wasn’t real.

 

It was just for show.

 

Kylo picked up the tab for them all, and Finn said he would bring Rose home.

 

“Are you up for a walk?”

 

She giggled and shrugged her shoulders in her coat. “It’s a long way, Kylo.”

 

“I don’t mind if you are game...and if you are OK in those shoes?” he smirked.

 

“They may not look it, but they are quite comfortable.” And, he thought silently, _they make you slightly less formidable when they give me a few inches of height._

 

He offered her his arm, and she looped hers through it and drew closer to him and his warmth in the chilly night.

 

“So...how did you feel that went?”

 

She sighed. “Ok...I suppose. Poe seemed fine...but Finn will be a tougher sell.”

 

He nodded. “We should probably talk about the engagement. It needs to be soon to do the wedding in Jamaica at the end of the month.”

 

She nodded. “Sure...whatever you think is best. Just let me know when we are official.”

 

“Did you, ah...ever imagine what that might be like? To be engaged?”

 

“Sure...what girl doesn’t. I never wanted any big overture. Just something simple and heartfelt, by someone who loved me enough to do it.”

 

Kylo was quiet. What could be said? She would have a chance later for all of that...they just had to get through a few years first.

 

“I...I never imagined myself married,” he confessed.

 

“Why not?”

 

He sighed. Where to begin?

 

“My parents had a less than admirable union. I swore as a kid to never be like them. Then, once I finished school, my career took off, and there was never room.”

 

She was silent for a moment...thoughtful. “Kylo...are you lonely?”

 

He let loose an inelegant guffaw. “If I said yes, but I like it that way...does that make me a terrible person?”

 

“Yes,” she giggled as she teased, but then grew sober. “But even those who need their own space need somebody, right?”

 

“Maybe...maybe not,” he pondered. “But, I will say, if I have to be married, I suppose you are as agreeable of a woman as I can hope for.”

 

“Wow...flatter much?” she asked in shock.

 

“Sorry...just to clients. It’s obvious, hmm?”

 

“Just a bit.”

 

__________________

 

She got a text from him the next day.

 

K: I read through the paperwork Holdo sent. We have to get married on US soil. I have another idea I am checking out...will let you know.

 

R: OK

 

K: I want to take you somewhere tonight...can I come to get you at 7pm?

 

R: :)

 

_____________________

 

He had said to dress warm, so she is in jeans, sturdy boots, her coat, a fluffy white knit hat, and a bright green scarf.

 

The cab dropped them off, and she realized where they were. “Empire State Building?”

 

He just nodded and opened the door to the lobby, then pressed a hand to her lower back to guide her to the express elevator.

 

“Mr. Ren...welcome. If you will just come this way...”

 

The elevator operator closed the doors and started their ascent.

 

Rey had never been up on the building. She had wanted to, but the practicality of bills and such always got in the way.

 

“We’re here...top deck.” the operator called out.

 

When they stepped out, Rey’s breath caught and she stopped. In the night, the city was all lit up. The illumination sparkled like a million gems in the abyss of the night.

 

He took her hand and pulled her along. “C’mon. I want to show it to you.”

 

He led her out to the extremity of the observation deck.

 

His voice was low and wistful as he talked. “When I was a kid, I came here a lot. For a while, I even entertained becoming an architect because of this building. It was my happy place. When my parents fought, or I got in trouble...I would come here to escape. This is my favorite time of day to be here...when the city is all lit up. Everything always looked so peaceful up here...out of the reality of the fray below.”

 

“It’s...just stunning, Kylo. Thank you for bringing me.”

 

He nodded and squeezed her hand. “I’m sorry, that this is all happening for you this way. I know it’s not your dream. But...I will commit myself to you and the road we are choosing, Rey. I promise to try to make it as easy as possible on you.”

 

She turned to look up into his eyes to respond but saw him holding something up to her. A ring. A quite large, by her estimation, diamond flanked by a constellation of smaller diamonds around it.

 

“Kylo…” she breathed.

 

“It was my grandmother’s. My mother gave it to me years ago, hoping it would result in a daughter-in-law and grandchildren. If I was really getting married, it is what I would use. It seemed right for you to wear it.”

 

“But...it’s so big. It’s too much.”

 

“Rey...we have to be as real as possible with all of this.”

 

“I know...this just...it’s not what I was expecting.”

 

“Can...can I see if it fits?” he asked softly.

 

“Uh...oh...sure.”

 

He slid it on her finger, and she gasped. She couldn’t believe it.

 

“We’ll have to get it sized and find a band to go with it. It’s just a bit loose.”

 

She felt like she was in a daze. She looked at the beautiful, expensive ring on her finger, and the man in front of her that had captured her infatuation for a while now.

 

She had everything she wanted…and yet nothing at all.

 

[ Ring ](https://www.brilliantearth.com/The-Yonce-Ring-Platinum-BTR042701/)


	5. Bans

They had decided to go to HR first thing Monday morning. He was counting on Phasma’s good pregnancy mood to help ease the process.

 

He wasn’t wrong.

 

“So...technically, you should have come to me as soon as you started dating…”

 

“I...I wouldn’t let her. If it didn’t work out, I didn’t want her to lose her job and her boyfriend.” He knew as a partner, he was safer from any punitive action than she was.

 

Phasma tapped her blood-red nail tips against the black lacquered desk. “Having had my own office romance, of course, I understand better than most about all of this...”

 

They glanced at each other and smiled as he squeezed her hand he was holding. Appearances.

 

“So...when is the wedding?”

 

“We...ah...don’t want to wait. It’s just a month from now,” he admitted.

 

“My...so fast. I guess true love can’t wait, huh loves?”

 

Rey’s heart beat a heavy staccato, and she couldn’t tell if it was from their deceit or his hand holding hers, with his finger rubbing hers just over where his newly-sized ring sat...

 

“So...technically you are not her supervisor, so there are no direct violations, but since she does assist with your cases, she can’t stay where she is. What are the long-term plans here?”

“I will quit before the wedding. I want to start law school soon.”

 

Phasma’s smile didn’t quite hit her eyes. “Of course. I will have to ask that in the meantime that Rey not work on any of your cases, Ren. If you can do that, I don’t see any complications since this is just for the short-term.”

 

“Great...thank you, Phas.”

 

“Have you told Alistair yet?” This time, the mirth reached her eyes and she looked like she was enjoying the thought a little too much.

 

“Not yet...but I have my one on one tomorrow. I will let him know then.”

 

“Lovely...let me know how that goes.”

 

________________________

 

“Why on earth are you picking from the dregs of the assistant pool? Haven’t Aurora and I offered to match you with the best of society?”

 

Kylo groaned inwardly. “This isn’t a merger, Snoke...it’s a marriage. I can’t help who I fall in love with.”

 

He watched as his mentor sighed, obviously disappointed, but resigned. “No...I suppose not. Honestly, I didn’t think you had it in you. Some men aren’t built for marriage...I thought you were one of them.”

 

Kylo stayed quiet lest he give away how accurate the assessment was.

 

“And...when are the blessed nuptials?”

 

“A month.”

 

“A month...how are you going to plan a bloody wedding in a month? That’s impossible.”

 

“We...ah...want a destination wedding...just us. We chose Jamaica, but since Rey isn’t a US citizen, it needs to be on US soil...”

 

The older man’s eyes turned beady. “Ah...I see.”

 

“What does that mean?”

 

“Is this one of those green card situations?”

 

“No.” He kept his tone steady and firm to hopefully ward off any suspicion.

 

He regarded him, his wrinkled face puckering up as he did.

 

“Tell you what...bring your girl for dinner Thursday. If I am convinced it’s real, I have an idea that might suit you.”

 

“Of course...we’d be happy to.”

 

“That is all, Ren. See you Thursday.”

 

He texted her on his way down the hall.

 

B: SOS...we need to talk and run an errand at lunch.

 

R: (thumbs up)

 

____________________

 

Rey knew her work wear was...well...unfashionable. But, she had to get professional clothing quickly and cheaply when she got the job, so thrift stores had provided the needed wardrobe.

 

She sometimes felt self-conscious as she watched other stylish girls sashay down the halls in their fashion-forward ensembles. She preferred a classic look that was feminine, but she knew her matronly blouses and A-line skirts with flats were far from that.

 

She knew this was a problem. How would Kylo be attracted to such a...well...frump?

 

She readily admitted all of that, yet she still struggled as she realized what they were doing at Saks.

 

“But Kylo…”

 

“Rey...I simply won’t accept any argument here. If you are going to dine at the Snokes, you have to fit the part. They are probably going to tear you apart as it is. You at least need the proper uniform.”

 

They went to women’s wear, and a nice middle-aged woman offered her help.

 

“Yes...Ms. Morales. We are going to need a dinner dress and all the trimmings. Do a good job, and she will be coming back to buy more from you. A lot more.”

 

The woman had the good graces to take his abrupt comments in stride. She took them to some racks and started showing Rey some options.

 

“With your coloring, dear...I think something like this rose color, or this green would be lovely.”

 

Kylo looked up, then back down at his phone to continue his email.

 

She took Rey to the dressing room and directed him to some chairs in the lounge just outside. He could hear their muffled voices, then the door opening.

 

He saw her first in a black sheath. While it was his preferred color, it just didn’t look right on her. He waived his disapproval and they went back into the dressing room.

 

When she came back out, she was in a rose-colored dress that struck the right balance of demure and feminine, classy and young. The color lit up her face.

 

“That’s it, Ms. Morales. Now...shoes? Earrings? We are on a schedule.”

 

They, meaning Ms. Morales and Ren, decided on a pair of nude, strappy Louboutin heels and a delicate pair of crystal drop earrings.

 

“May I have your card, Ms. Morales?” he asked on checkout. He arranged for his credit card to be stored so Rey could use it for future visits. “She will be back again.”

 

“And, I will be happy to help her, Mr. Ren.”

 

“Yes...I’m sure you will,” he smirked as he took the bags from her.

 

“Now, my love...off to lunch.”

 

They went down the street to a sushi place before taking a cab back to the office.

 

Her hands rested on the seat beside her. He looked at their state and frowned.

 

“Rey...I am going to make you an appointment with my manicurist during lunch on Thursday.”

 

“I’m sorry...did you say your manicurist?”

 

“Yes...I did. All the partners at Skywalker go to her. She will know what to do when you say you are going to Snoke’s for dinner.”

 

Rey rolled her eyes. “Do you have any idea how pretentious that sounds? That you don’t clip your own nails?”

 

He turned to her with a confused look.

 

“Nevermind,” she muttered, “I will go.”

 

She was in shock and doubled if he had any clue how demanding and controlling he could be.

 

____________________

 

It was Wednesday night, and they were at his apartment going through more details and learning more about each other.

 

Her favorite movie was Notting Hill.

 

He watched the History Channel.

 

Her favorite book was Pride and Prejudice.

 

His was To Kill a Mockingbird. Predictable.

 

She wanted to study law to impact foster care and adoption.

 

He was a corporate lawyer for ethically questionable clients.

 

She likes Red Vines and Skittles.

 

He didn’t really eat candy...only occasionally indulging in dark chocolate...90% or higher.

 

She wrinkled her nose. “It’s that really bitter?”

 

“Not if it’s good chocolate...it is smooth and rich, but with a bite.

 

“Hmmm,” she considered his words. It sounded about right.

 

“Rey,” he started, as hesitant as she’d ever heard him. “I think that dinner tomorrow night will be a good test. Really, if we can convince the two of them, I think the immigration case-worker will be a piece of cake.”

 

“OK...what do you think we need to work on?”

 

He stood up and started pacing. “This, Rey...maybe even more than the apartment...is why I want to do this. These people...I think they mean well, but they have no idea the kind of pressure they put on people. They are relentless in their quest to see me hitched. In that respect, Aurora might be an easy win.”

 

“But…”

 

“But, Snoke already asked me if this was about your green card. I denied it, successfully, but that is partly why he invited us over. It’s a test.”

 

She gulped, the anxiety rising in her. “So...how do we study for this test?”

 

“Affection. The little clues that tell someone you are a couple. We are awkward with it...I think we need to work on that.”

 

“OK. How?”

 

He stepped up close to her. So close, she had to tip her head far back to look him in the eye.

 

He leaned his head down, and brought his fingers to her jaw to push it up and tip her head back farther.

 

This close, and with those eyes looking similar to the dark chocolate he liked, her head started swimming. It got just a touch worse at his next words.

 

“I’m going to kiss you, Rey.”

 

“Uh…”

 

“Is that OK?”

 

She searched his eyes and nodded, not able to form words. He just looked back for a moment before he started moving again.

 

His lips came down soft and slow. At first, they just brushed hers. The jolt was as if she had just kissed a light socket.

 

His hands came up to grab the sides of her face to tilt her head so he could deepen it.

 

She was quite glad he was holding her somewhere. She got the distinct impression that if he didn’t, she would be in a heap on the floor. She clung onto his arms in an effort to ground herself.

 

While being around him more showed her some undesirable parts of his personality, this...THIS...was so much more than she was expecting in his favor.

 

Her kissing experience was pretty slim...and all from _boys_ , really. Never from anyone who knew what they were doing.

 

Kylo _knew_ what he was doing...and she might not survive it.

 

When he finally released her, she noticed his ragged breathing and a furrow in his brow. It was like she was a puzzle he was trying to figure out. Clearly, he was not impacted in the same way she was.

 

She felt like she was underwater too long and now was gasping for breath. She saw stars and he looked down at her like she was a tiresome math problem.

 

She looked down and rubbed her forehead. “Was that...was that what you meant?”

 

“Sure,” he said in a monotone voice.

 

“OK...well, I better go. I will see you tomorrow, Kylo.”

 

She grabbed her coat and purse and practically ran out of the apartment. As soon as she was out in the hall, she leaned against the wall and finally took a deep breath while her fingertips brushed her still-tingling lips.

 

She was in trouble. So. Much. Trouble.

 

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	6. The Snokes

Rose helped her get ready with a lovely twisted low bun.

“SHUT UP! Rey...did he seriously buy you an Oscar de la Renta dress and Louboutin shoes?!?! How much did he spend?”

“Huh? What does that even mean?”

“These are really expensive designer brands.” Rose groped the sleeve of the dress for the tag before finding it inside, dangling from the back of the neck. She gasped.

“Rey-Rey...this dress was $2300. Did you know that?”

Her face blanched. “What? I don’t understand...”

She didn’t know. Ms. Morales had taken Kylo’s credit card and never mentioned the total.

“...and, these shoes were $900.”

Rey sat heavily down on her bed, clad only in her underwear. She was in shock.

“Why...why would he spend that much? That is ridiculous!”

“Well...you did say that Snoke is pretty snobby...he probably wants you to make a good impression.”

Rey clasped her hands on her face. When she did, her ring flashed at Rose.

“Whoa, there girl...where did that ring come from?

Rey grimaced. “It was his grandmother’s. He said it is what he would use if he got engaged, so he insisted I wear it.”

Rose was quiet for a minute and chewed her lip. “You know sweetie...there are worse things than having your handsome, rich crush buy you nice things...and give you a rock like that. What is the problem?”

“I...I don’t know. I think maybe because I am used to taking care of myself...and I don’t like charity.”

Rose snorted. “I hardly think you could categorize these kinds of duds as charity! I think you should just enjoy it while you can. Besides, he understands the rules of the game with these people. I think you are going to have to trust him in situations like this to know what is best.”

She nodded, tears threatening to escape her carefully made-up eyes.

“Hey...hey! None of that. You are a beautiful, smart, kind-hearted woman. You deserve to be treated like a queen, Rey. More than anyone I know.”

“What if I embarrass him, Rose?”

She snorted. “Not gonna happen...I promise.”

________________________________

Kylo knocked on the door at precisely 6:30, as promised.

She opened the door, and she saw his head jerk back as he took in her appearance.

“Wow...you look...very nice, Rey. Appropriate. Are...are you ready?”

She nodded. "Just let me grab my coat…”

“Oh...I actually have one here for you. I took the liberty of having Ms. Morales sending one in your size.”

She finally noticed that he was carrying a garment bag. He was wearing a black suit and white shirt with a black wool trench coat. It was how she saw him almost every day, but it didn’t mean it didn’t take her breath away.

He pulled down the zipper of the bag and revealed a beautiful cream colored cashmere coat.

She wanted to refuse it, but she remembered her conversation with Rose and thought better of it.

“Thank you, Kylo. It is lovely.”

He held it up to her. “May I?”

She nodded and turned, and he slipped the coat up her arms and settled it on her shoulders. It was lined with heavy cream-colored satin. Instantly, she could feel the warmth the expensive wool brought.

It was heaven, but she couldn’t help the feeling that she was playing dress-up tonight in things that weren’t hers...including her date.

He caught her off guard, then, when he tucked her hand in his arm to guide her down the stairs and into the chauffeured car he had waiting out front.

As the driver took off, he put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her ear to his mouth.

“This driver works for Snoke. He will report to him about how we interacted. The show starts now, Rey.”

She drew back and looked at him with a barely-perceptible nod. This is what they had been practicing for, so she slipped into the engaged-Rey mode.

“Kylo...I am nervous. What if they don’t like me?”

He chuckled. “Not possible, sweetheart. Everyone who meets you can’t help falling in love with you.”

Her head snapped up and she matched his gaze. He was good at this. She almost believed him.

Especially since he was leaning down, drawing his lips closer to hers.

She let them brush hers lightly before begging off. “Not now, Babe. You will mess-up my makeup and they will know we were making out in the car.”

He chuckled again. She really wished that noise didn’t do what it did to her insides.

“Very well,” he cooed, kissing her forehead instead.

Just a few minutes later they were pulling up in front of a posh apartment building. Rey gulped, realizing the importance of the next few hours.

Kylo got out first and helped her out before lacing his fingers through hers and pulling her into the building.

He didn’t even talk to the elevator operator. The man just knew where they were headed.

Right before they reached the top floor, he looked down at her and squeezed her hand. “Don’t be nervous. You look beautiful.”

__________________________

The maid ushered them into a living area where the Snokes were waiting on the couch. They stood to greet them. Rey did not miss the observant gaze of both of them on their hands and her clothing. Something in their expression relaxed a bit, which in turn relaxed her.

“So, Rey. The big day is in a month, huh? How are the plans coming?”

She looked at Kylo and started, “Well...at the moment they are at a standstill. We had our hearts set on a tropical destination wedding, but since we cannot do it out of the country, that has us back at square one.”

Snoke nodded, clearly contemplating something.

Mrs. Snoke asked, “So...tell us about yourself, dear. Where do you come from? Your accent is lovely.”

“Originally London, Ma’am.”

She waived a perfectly manicured hand at her, which Rey realized looked eerily familiar to hers. “Oh please, call me Aurora. So, will your family join you at your nuptials.”

Rey froze. She hadn’t told Kylo a lot of the details of her background...and now she was going to have to say it in front of these people she still wasn’t sure she liked.

“No...unfortunately not, Aurora. I am an orphan. I don’t have any family.”

She felt Kylo’s hand tense around hers at her words, but his face stayed steady. It was his courtroom face.

“Oh...I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to pry. So you have no one at all?”

“Ah...no...not family. I was raised in foster care until I came to the US for college.” She swallowed hard, willing herself not to get emotional. “But...now Kylo is my family. I’m not alone.”

His hand got even tighter around hers. “No...you aren’t anymore, sweetheart.” He leaned over and kissed her temple gently.

_________________________

Kylo was surprised at the ease of the evening. He was prepared for the worst, but Rey managed to charm the Snokes. She peppered them with questions about themselves and how they met, as well as their kids. He realized she had kept the conversation going by artfully being interested in them and effectively preventing them from asking more about her.

He ruminated on it in his mind. People like to talk about themselves. That was especially true of successful, image-conscious people like the Snokes. He was impressed with how she handled herself. She would punctuate comments about their stories with a hand on his or an endearment tossed his way.

Snoke must have been impressed too because over dessert he cleared his throat before offering a sweet deal.

“So...kids. I have an idea about your wedding predicament. Kylo, as you know, I need someone in LA to close out that deal there next month. I couldn’t help but think that just a few hours away from LA is Hawaii. You could get your wish of a tropical beach wedding on US soil, and I can get one of my best partners on the ground for that important merger. If you were willing to move the wedding up a week, that would give you a week honeymoon before I needed you to report there.”

Rey’s eyes got huge. “California? Hawaii?”

Snoke laughed. “Oh...my boy. I think your girl wants to go West. Yes...an old friend is the CEO of Waldorf Astoria, and they own a resort on Maui...the Grand Wailea. I could see if I could pull some strings for you.”

Her eyes got even bigger. Ben couldn’t help but smile at her reaction. “That is very generous of you, Alistair.”

“Well...we have been hounding you to get hitched for a long time. It’s the least I can do to help make it happen.”

________________________

In the car on the way home, it was late and Rey’s head was resting on his shoulder. He could tell she was fighting to stay awake.

“You were...amazing tonight, Rey. I have never seen them react that way to anyone.”

“Hmmm...oh...well, I learned a long time ago that you can ask people about themselves to deflect attention from you. It helped in some of my foster situations.”

He got quiet, and his hand that was holding hers rubbed her knuckles as they rode the rest of the way in silence.

He wanted to ask her about it...the orphan and foster thing. He so seldom felt for people, but the idea of this person that had become a sort of friend...and would soon be his wife...growing up alone broke his heart a bit.

She was so relaxed now, though...maybe even asleep, and he didn’t want the driver reporting back to Snoke that he didn’t know about it. A conversation about it would have to wait for another time.

He leaned down to say something to the driver before he shut the door in front of her building.

He walked her up and saw her inside.

He kissed her forehead and took her coat off, hanging it on a hook by the door.

“Get some sleep, Rey. We will talk more tomorrow.”


	7. Being Known

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey friends...this chapter is where things turn personal for me. Our subject matter will get a bit heavier...but I think it will still be kept at the Teen & Up rating. More notes about it at the end of the chapter.

At work, he told her he had plans for them that night and he’d pick her up at 6:00. He got to her apartment still in his suit, but with the coat off and the sleeves rolled up.

“Is...is this OK?” She asked, looking down at her burgundy sweater, legging, and boots.

“Huh...oh..sure. I thought we could go look at the apartment I’m trying to get. Some people from the board want to meet us.

She sighed inwardly and grabbed her new coat. “Sure...lead the way.”

__________________________

Sitting in the car, he knew her clothes soon would be a problem. He hoped for tonight the expensive coat would offset the rest of what she was wearing.

He could care less...but the people they were convincing...they cared about things like that. A lot.

“Are you free tomorrow? We probably need to go see Ms. Morales again.”

She just got quiet.

“Hey...Rey...did you hear me.”

“Yeah...I did. But...I don’t like you spending so much money on me.”

“But Rey...we agreed to that.”

“I don’t really remember agreeing to that. I think I look fine.”

“Rey...these people you are having to interact with now, they think about image…”

Softly she said, “And...you? Do you care about image, Kylo?”

“I mean...on some level, but not…”

“Are...are you saying I embarrass you?” she whispered.

He opened his mouth in shock and was about to refute that, but they were at the apartment and there wasn’t time.

“We will talk about this later. For now, it’s time to convince more people.”

He led her out of the car and into the elegant lobby. She noticed it was just down the street from the Snokes. As soon as they were in the lobby, a leggy brunette in sky-high heels strode over to them, her calculating eyes seeing their hands clasped. She wore a snug black pencil skirt and a tight, crimson silk blouse.

Rey felt positively dowdy.

“Kylo!” she exclaimed and offered her hand before kissing him on the cheek.

She turned to Rey with her perfectly made-up eyes and an arched brow. “And you...you must be the future missus.”

Rey quietly stood, back straightened and chin up. “Yes...I am Rey. And you are?”

“Bazine...your real estate agent. Although, I admit I thought I was only working for Kylo since I just found out last week he was engaged.”

Rey looked up at him, and she flinched a bit as she said, “Well...we had to keep it under wraps for a while until we knew it was serious. I’m sure you understand.”

“Of course. Are you kids ready to go see it?”

She turned to lead them to the elevator, hips swiveling the whole way. Rey rolled her eyes, silently wondering if the woman could be more obvious.

Then...she wondered why Ben didn’t bite the bait she was obviously tossing out to him. And...even more...why didn’t he pick someone like Bazine instead of her?

The apartment itself was stunning. It boasted four bedrooms and an impressive amount of original wood detail and square feet. It would need a few updates, but it was liveable, and the view of Central Park was to die for. Rey stood out on the large balcony for some time, enjoying the view.

Baz showed them the rooms, ending in the master.

“So...this is where all the magic happens, loves,” Baz said with a wink.

Rey laughed nervously. All the sudden, she realized the magnitude of what they were doing. There would likely be times where they both would have to stay in here, and they had already discussed her need to use the master bath. She tried not to panic at the thought.

The bathroom was huge and had two large walk-in closets just off of the entryway.

Rey was sure that it was almost bigger than the whole small apartment she and Rose shared.

“Sweetheart...what do you think?”

“Oh...well...it’s lovely. And large.”

Baz let out a laugh. “I know what you are thinking. But don’t worry about the size, dear. When it comes with maid service, you can never go too big.”

“Oh?” she asked, realizing someone would be in the house beside them.

“Yes...isn’t that great, Rey? With you in school, you won’t have to worry about the house.”

“School?” Baz asked.

Kylo walked over to her and put his arm around her shoulders as he oozed pride. “Yes...my future wife it quite the little prodigy, and she will be headed to law school in a few months.”

“I see. Well...that is fortunate, then.” The other woman’s voice was flat.

Rey tried to tamp down the elation she felt in the woman’s annoyance of Kylo gushing over her, but she was unsuccessful. She beamed at him and leaned into his side with her arms wrapped around his waist. Instantly, his arms encircled her.

The affection part was getting easier.

He turned to Bazine. “So...we need to meet with some people?”

She was absently staring at their embrace. “Oh...yes. Three of the eight board members will be here soon.

As if on cue, the doorbell rang.

Since there was no furniture, they stood in the kitchen for the informal interview. Kylo pulled Rey in front of him, facing out, and embraced her from behind. Her hands reached up to rest on his arms.

“I’m sure you can appreciate our desire for stable members here, Mr. Ren. Your resume is quite impressive, and we know the homeowner has accepted your offer, pending our review. Now...we understand you are getting married soon?”

He nodded. “Yes...in two weeks, actually.”

“Oh...here in the city?”

“No...this little lady has her heart set on a tropical destination wedding. We are going to Hawaii, then we will be in LA for a month after for work.”

“I see...so you wouldn’t move in right away?”

“I would like to do a few minor renovations prior to move-in. The kitchen and baths need upgrading, as well as the flooring. I have an assistant that can oversee that while we are gone. We would be back about 6-7 weeks from now. If we are approved, I’d like to start those right away so it’s ready when we get back.”

An older woman pressed her lips in a tight line.

“So...there would be construction going on if you purchase?”

Bazine piped in. “I gave him the contractor’s name that did the reno in 15B. I have nothing but excellent references from his work in brevity and with little disturbance.”

“I see…” the other woman said hesitantly.

“Harriet...a quick and quiet reno is a small price to pay for increasing the property value, which benefits us all.” The silver-haired man turned to Kylo and Rey. “I don’t think that will be a problem. Now, our board meets monthly, but we do have a process for urgent matters. I think we can get this resolved by the end of the weekend. Would that suit you two?”

Kylo stuck out his hand to shake, “Yes, Mr. Riley...that sounds great.”

“Excellent. Now...I think we are done here. Mr. Ren, Miss Johnson--it was lovely to meet you. Best wishes on your upcoming nuptials.

And, just like that, they were gone.

Kylo turned to Bazine. “Baz...could you give us a few minutes?”

Again she arched her brow, but then cooed, “Of course. Just text me when you are ready.”

The front door clicked behind her, and he turned to her.

“Are you OK with all of this, Rey?”

“Well...that doesn’t really matter. This will be your home…”

“Yes, but you will live here too. I want to make sure. I can keep looking…”

She shook her head. “No! Absolutely not. It’s lovely. Thank you for asking, but really...it’s great.”

He nodded. “OK. Why don’t we head back to my place? We can order in, and there are more details we need to get over before the appointment with the immigration officer next week.”

“Sure...OK.”

When they got to his place, he placed an order for Thai food and then got changed. He was in snug jeans and a black t-shirt. She sighed...of course, it showed off his physique…

“So...I wanted to ask you about what you shared last night. Why didn’t you tell me more about your growing up years?”

“Well...you didn’t ask. You haven’t talked much about your background, so I wasn’t sure if we were doing that yet.”

“Well...I’m bringing it up now. What happened?”

She took a deep breath. “Just about what I said. My parents were alcoholics. They died in a car crash when I was 5. I was in and out of foster care for 13 years until I turned 18 and came here. End of story.”

His eyes searched her face, making her a bit uncomfortable. “How many?”

“How many…”

“Homes...how many homes were you in?”

Oh...that. “23.”

His mouth dropped at that number. “That seems like a lot.”

“It is,” she confirmed.

“And how many of them were good?”

She was silent for a moment. “None,” she said in a small voice, almost too tiny to hear.

They sat in silence. She heard him take a deep breath like he was going to say something when the doorbell interrupted. He got up to get the delivery, leaving her on the couch to her thoughts.

She talks about this so often. Why did it still make her emotional she wondered as tears rolled down her cheek?

She wiped her eyes as she heard his footsteps approach.

She heard him in the kitchen getting plates and silverware before setting them down on the table. She frantically wiped her eyes, trying to erase the trace of her tears before he saw her.

She couldn’t hear anything from where he was at, so she tentatively turned to face him.

He was leaning against the table, arms folded across his chest while clenching his jaw.

“I...ah...I am sorry that you had to go through that, Rey. I had a crappy, dysfunctional home life, but I had one with parents. Things like that...what happened to you...they shouldn’t happen.”

This man in front of her was still an enigma to her, but this was the first sign of vulnerability he had shown.

“Thank you, Kylo. It was hard...but I’m sure yours was too, even if it was different. It’s part of what made me who I am, though.”

“Well, that’s a cheerful thought,” he deadpanned.

In spite of the heaviness of the moment, and how that could have read insensitive, she felt laughter bubbling up at his humor. It spilled out, and in the process removed the tension she felt from earlier. It was what she needed.

She shook the cobwebs of her past from her mind.

“That smells amazing,” she said as she sat at the table. He took a cue from her and sat too.

They ate quietly for a few minutes before she hesitantly asked. “You know...we have the appointment with the immigration officer next week. Would...I mean...if we were engaged, I would likely know about your family. Should you give me a few details just in case?”

He chewed thoughtfully for a few minutes. “Probably.”

He put down his fork, rested his elbows on the table and rested his chin on his hands. “I was a difficult child. Stubborn, and tormented by nightmares. It was rough on them...my parents. They fought all the time. Probably mostly because of me, but they had their own issues too. They would split and get back together...over and over again. I was most often with my nanny, not them. As a teenager, they finally had enough of me and sent me to live with my uncle. That didn’t go well either. I left a few months before I turned 18, and I haven’t seen them since. I went to school, changed my name, met Snoke. He knew my grandpa...was an apprentice of his, of sorts. He wanted to return the favor and took me under his wing. And...here I am.”

Her gaze was soft on him when he looked up at her. “That sounds painful, Kylo. I’m sorry.”

He shrugged. “Like you said...it made me who I am. I didn’t escape unscathed, though. I’ve had my demons to battle. I’m not sure if that will come up or not...but it’s probably important that you know I have battled addiction too.”

Her eyebrows raised. “Oh...alcohol?”

He rubbed his hand on the back of his neck. “Uh...no.”

She lowered her eyes and took another bite. “It’s OK...you don’t have to tell…”

“Sex addiction, Rey. I’ve been in treatment for years for sex addiction.”

She stopped chewing and tried to swallow what was in her mouth. “Um...OK. I don’t know much about that one...”

He nodded. “Most people don’t, even though it’s estimated more than half of men do suffer from it in one way or another. Porn addiction is common...mine was not all that.”

“Oh.” She really didn't know what to say...but wanted to give him space to share what he wanted.

“It was a long time ago, Rey. My therapist has traced it to the rough home life. I was acting out...with women...trying to get the security I never had from a young age. It was unhealthy, and it’s another life.”

“So...tell me if I’m probing too much here. Are you able to have a healthy relationship, then? That seems hard...like a food addict. They still have to eat…”

He sighed but didn’t seem angry. “It is finding healthy outlets, facing those origination reasons, and setting parameters for a healthy relationship. Boundaries. I don’t put myself in situations where it would be a chance to not be healthy. That is why I haven’t dated. I have channeled energy into work instead.”

She was thoughtful before hesitantly asking. “Is that healthy though? Couldn’t one addiction turn into another?”

“Honestly, probably. I haven’t had a lot of relationships period...friends too. My therapist actually was supportive of all of this, with me and you. He liked the idea of me having a relationship now on this side of things, however unorthodox it is.”

“And you aren’t worried? That he won’t tell?”

“Ah...no. Patient/client confidentiality prohibits it.”

Suddenly, her head shot up. “So...could that be our excuse of why we aren’t living together, but are getting married somewhat quickly? Because of those healthy boundaries?”

He picked up his fork again and started eating again. “Maybe...that could work. That my therapist wanted sex to be in a committed relationship? So we are waiting until then?”

She nodded, smiling. “We will have to figure something else out for after, but that sounds plausible to me, and your therapist can’t confirm or deny it. And coupled with my desire to wait for marriage, it feels pretty valid to me.”

He smiled and chewed. “That is good.”

She reached over and placed her hand on his arm. “Thank you, Kylo, for being open with me about that. I know that probably isn’t easy to talk about.”

Then his face grew serious. “Uh...thank you for not freaking out about that, Rey. I know it must be awkward.”

Her hand, still on his forearm, gave him a squeeze in response. “I have battled my own demons. Different ones, with different weapons, but demons yet the same that preyed on what I couldn’t help...and used that to gut me. You don’t need to feel ashamed with me.”

“It feels nice...to have someone besides Dr. Andor know. When you have a secret like that...you can feel all alone. I have felt that way for so long.”

“You aren’t alone, Kylo.”

“Neither are you.”

She removed her hand and started eating again. “So...what was your name before you changed it?”

He looked down the whole time. “Ben...Ben Solo.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...my husband of 25 years is a recovering sex addict. The manifestation was different than what I describe for Kylo...I won’t go into the details here. But...suffice it to say I know a bit about the subject and the origination circumstances that are common. With that in mind, I couldn’t get out of my head that Kylo/Ben’s feelings of abandonment and being misunderstood in his early, formative years could have made him susceptible to this. The addiction is not canon, but the root causes are. It has been cathartic for me to include this here...even though it is different from our/my experience. More to come on this, but suffice it to say that the struggle and how Rey responds to it will be a plot point from here on out.


	8. Examination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y'all have been sweet about my little bomb drop in chapter 7. Thanks for the lovely comments. My hubby and I are fine now. There have been hard seasons...but they also have made things so much better and sweeter on this side. True love is no joke...A LOT of work...but so worth it.
> 
> This is going to serve as a bifurcation plot point for Ben as he wades through his feelings for Rey. It also gives them a commonality that they didn't expect. For her it seems easy...and for him it is complicated...or is it? Stay tuned...I think you'll like it.

Their appointment with the immigration officer was Tuesday night at 7 pm. They grabbed dinner on the way home from work, and she brought clothes to change into at his apartment.

 

They were sitting on the couch with her leaning sleepily against his side when the doorbell rang.

 

She jolted up, butterflies instantly churning in her stomach. All their persuasion so far had been for Ben...but this time it was for her, and it crossed some legal lines. She was nervous.

 

She jumped off the couch. “I’ll get it...I need to walk.”

 

She opened the door and almost thought no one was there. She heard a throat clear, and she looked down...almost a foot down.

 

“Miss Johnson, I presume?” the tiny woman asked. She had to be about 4’8”

 

“Ah...yes. Ms. Kanata?”

 

“Yes, child...that is me.

 

Rey had two first impressions of her...besides her height. First, her skin was a leathery orange-brown, like someone who had spent too much time in the sun. Secondly, her eyes were behind huge coke-bottle-bottom glasses, that made them look enormous. She looked like an old beach bunny fish.

 

“May I come in?”

 

“Oh...yes. I’m sorry.”

 

She led the woman into the living space. She saw Kylo still on the couch and chided herself for not folding up the blanket she had been snuggling under when she went to get the door. He stood, and the blanket pulled with his legs off the couch and onto the floor.

 

Rey reached down to snatch it and lay it over the arm of the couch before slipping her arm around his waist. The diminutive woman's eyes missed nothing.

 

”Kylo...this is Ms. Kanata.”

 

He stuck out his hand to shake hers, then invited her to sit on the loveseat perpendicular to the couch while he settled back on the couch with Rey and rested his arm around her shoulders.

 

“So...this is a nice place you two have here.”

 

“Oh...I don’t live here. Actually, I probably won’t live here ever,” she said nervously.

 

Ms. Kanata’s eyebrow shot up. “Oh?”

 

Kylo, realizing how that sounded, took over. “Yes...we are headed to Hawaii for the wedding in a week and a half, then to LA for a month for my work. Our new apartment is being renovated now, so when we get back, we will be living there.”

 

“Ah...I see. So a destination wedding, huh? No friends or family?”

 

“Kylo isn’t close to his family, and I am an orphan, so we decided to just have it be us. It’s more romantic that way, right hun?”

 

“Absolutely. I just need her and no one else.”

 

“Well...that is nice. Where will the wedding take place?”

 

“At the Grand Wailea on Maui,” he supplied.

 

“Lovely. And, how long have you two been dating?”

 

Kylo took over again. “Well, Ms. Kanata, it’s a bit of a long story. Officially, nine months, but we work at a law firm with strict no-fraternization policies. I am a partner, and as a senior over Rey, we had to be especially careful about our relationship and keep it under wraps. I would have been fine, but I was concerned for her and her job. We got engaged about a few weeks ago, and so we finally let the cat out of the bag.”

 

Those huge eyes looked to Rey. “How did he propose?”

 

She smiled up at him. “On the Empire State Building. It was his favorite place as a kid. It was at night...with his grandmother’s ring...very romantic.”

 

He smiled down at her and kissed the top of her head.

 

“May I?” Ms. Kanata asked, motioning to Rey’s hand.

 

Rey held out her hand, showing her the engagement ring.

 

She whistled. “That is some ring, Mr. Solo.”

 

“Ah...it’s Mr. Ren, actually.”

 

“Well...legally your name is Ben Solo, so I’m afraid that is how I have to refer to you since these conversations are part of the legal record.”

 

He just nodded, grimacing.

 

“As I was saying...that is some ring.”

 

“Ah...yes. It is. My grandparents had a short and tragic marriage. She passed away giving birth to my mother and uncle. My mother kept it for me to give to my wife for many years.”

 

“So...you mentioned work. How will that work now that your relationship is out in the open?”

 

Rey piped in. “I’m planning to start law school in the fall, so I gave my notice. I won’t be going back after the wedding.”

 

“My my...an unemployed student wife and a fancy newly renovated NYC apartment. Being a partner must pay well, Mr. Solo.”

 

“It does,” he admitted, “though I have an inheritance from my grandfather as well. Money is not a concern for us.”

 

“I see...and will Rey be signing a prenup?”

 

Her eyes flew to his face. They hadn’t talked about that.

 

“Yes, Ms. Kanata. I am a lawyer. I know the importance of that for a man in my position. You hope to not need it...I love Rey and cannot imagine needing to.”

 

“Of course. Now, can you explain to me why Rey is not living here?”

 

“I have an addiction, Ms. Kanata, that I have been in treatment for over the course of the last seven years. A sex addiction. My therapist advised that our relationship not be physical until after the wedding. Having a healthy boundary for sex is part of my life plan now. In addition, Rey has always saved herself for marriage, and I am respecting her choice.”

 

The woman’s eyes seemed to soften a bit. “Thank you for your candidness, Mr. Solo. That is certainly understandable.”

 

She shuffled through her notes and seemed satisfied. “That is all I need for now. Congratulations on your impending marriage. I will need you two to meet with an officer in LA after the wedding to confirm the details and the marriage license. It will be too long before you are back here. Is that satisfactory?”

 

They both nodded.

 

“Very well. I will take my leave now.”

 

She stood and started to walk back to the door. They followed hand in hand, then had to stop abruptly when she stopped and turned to them just past the dining area.

 

“I am good at this job, because I have a way of seeing the truth in people’s eyes. I can tell when couples are really in love or not. I have a sort of sixth sense about it. And, I can see that the two of you are going to be very happy together.”

 

They closed the door after her, and Rey impulsively reached over and hugged him. “That went about as good as it could have. Thank you, Kylo.”

 

He hesitated at first, then wrapped his arms around her back. “You are welcome, Rey. Thank you for how you have been helping me. It was the least I could do.”

 

She leaned back and looked up at him. “I guessed we fooled her, huh?”

 

“We sure did, Sweetheart.”

 

______________________________

 

Later that night, as she was falling asleep, she realized that was the first time he called her Sweetheart when it wasn’t for show in front of someone.

 

She liked that.

 

______________________________

 

“Really? She bought it?” Rose asked as she flipped through the racks.

 

“Well...we have had a while to work through the story. I think a few of the truths of us have been able to be used pretty convincingly.”

 

Rose’s eyes narrowed at her. “I sure the fact that you look at him with moon-eyes helps too.”

 

Rey rolled her eyes and ignored the jab.

 

“Miss Johnson?” she heard a familiar voice greet.

 

Ms. Morales stood smiling. “Mr. Ren said you would be back. Are you ready to get started?

 

She nodded. And they followed her into the dressing room salon.

 

She explained that she needed a dress for her informal beach wedding in Hawaii.

 

“Oh goodness, my dear...we don’t carry bridal.”

 

“Oh...I’m not looking for a wedding dress in the traditional sense. Something white, of course, but flowy and feminine. I saw a few things out there I liked…”

 

Ms. Morales narrowed her eyes. “I have two dresses in mind, actually. Let me go grab them and I’ll be back in a flash.”

 

The girls waited on the couch.

 

“How are you going to pay for this?” Rose whispered.

 

“He...ah...left his credit card on his account for me.”

 

The other girl’s eyes grew as big as saucers. “Shut up! So...like...you can get whatever you want.”

 

She shrugged. “I guess...but I wouldn’t abuse that.”

 

Rose snorted. “Good thing he’s engaged to you and not me!”

 

Ms. Morales came back in carrying two dresses.

 

“Ok, Miss Johnson. Here are two I thought could work.”

 

She helped her get into the first. It was nice...informal and all that she asked for. It was...OK.

 

Once she had the second one on, she liked it much better. Still, she chewed her lip.

 

Ms. Morales was watching her, assessing her reactions.

 

“This one is really what you asked for.”

 

“It is...it is lovely. It will work.”

 

The woman chuckled. “That isn’t the reaction we want one to have about their wedding dress.”

 

She stepped forward. “Miss Johnson…”

 

“Please...please call me Rey.”

 

“Very well...Rey. I actually have something in the back I’d like you to try. It’s not quite what you asked for, but would you humor me?”

 

Rey nodded, sitting back down in the dress she was wearing.

 

“It is nice,” Rose reassured.

 

“It is...I will probably just get it.”

 

About 20 minutes later, Ms. Morales returned.

 

“This was a special order we did for a customer, so we couldn’t return it. It has been sitting...waiting. I have always thought it was meant for someone special.

 

She unzipped the garment bag, and lovely lace spilled out.

 

“Ms. Morales...it...it’s a wedding gown.”

 

“Please...call me Maritza. Now...let’s just try this on you...just for fun.”

 

She slid the dress over Rey’s head, and the soft satin of the lining felt like butter over her skin. While Martiza worked on the buttons down the back, Rey studied the dress. It was strapless and all lace, with a fit that was snug to her hips before flowing out to a fuller skirt. It had a white satin sash that tied around the waist. When the sash was tied, the other woman stood back.

 

“Oh...Rey-Rey…” Rose breathed.

 

“It’s lovely on you, Rey. And...it fits you perfectly. What do you think?”

 

Growing up the way she did, and with little time or resources to waste on how she looked, clothing had been more functional than aesthetic. She never thought much about having beautiful things or even looking beautiful at all.

 

This...though...this. She...she felt like a bride. A real bride.

 

She tried to answer, but was struggling to find words, and her eyes were stinging with unshed tears.

 

She just nodded.

 

[ The Dress ](https://poshmark.com/listing/Monique-Lhuillier-Monet-Gown-5b3179b512cd4ac3810395a4?utm_source=gdm&ad_partner=google&l_con=PREOWNED%2FUSED&utm_source=gdm&gdm_bottom=false&campaign_id=1077655163&utm_campaign=1077655163&enable_guest_buy_flow=true&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIkKj1oseV3gIVw7jACh1TUgI5EAQYASABEgIfTfD_BwE)


	9. Prep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is shorter...I'll probably post another later tonight...

It was 3 days before they left for Hawaii. Rey had just returned from another round of shopping with Maritza for the trip, and she was struggling to figure out how she was going to pack it all in her new luggage.

 

She tried to resist...but Maritza was firm that Kylo insisted she be ready for a tropical vacation and a month in California. The problem was, being almost February, California would be cooler than Hawaii, so she needed two different wardrobes. Then...they would be in California for a month...with everything from casual sightseeing to dressier work events to attend.

 

Ren was shipping their California luggage ahead of them, and the courier would be by in a few hours to pick up her things.

 

Her bed was a mountain of cloth, leather, and jewelry. She shuddered to think about how much money was sitting there.

 

It all made her feel like she was playing dress up with someone else’s life. If felt strange.

 

It also felt strange that she was now unemployed. It felt as if she had stepped off of a cliff without being able to look down to see if her feet would fall onto something solid or into an abyss.

 

“Rey-Rey….you look lost.”

 

She laughed nervously. “I feel lost.”

 

Rose came up and gave her a bear hug. “You aren’t lost...you are just starting a new adventure, so the way is unclear. But...you definitely aren’t lost.”

 

The tears came, unbidden. “Rose...I am living a lie. This is all just an illusion...a sham,“ she sniffed. “I don’t even have my own underwear anymore,” she moaned.

 

Rose glanced to the bed and picked up a matching set of a navy lace bra and hipster undies, modest by most standards, but decidedly more sexy than anything Rey had ever owned.

 

“After having to look at your cotton granny panties and sports bras for years, I’m going to argue that not having your own underwear is an upgrade.”

 

It was just what she needed. She couldn’t stop the guffaw that broke past the tears.

 

Rose sat on her own bed, away from the mountain, and patted for Rey to come to sit next to her.

 

“Look...I know all of this is a lot...and it feels plastic...including the engagement. But, Rey...I have watched you develop a friendship of trust with Ren over the last month. Is it love? No...but marriages can’t just be built on romance. There is compatibility, trust, and friendship too. A lot of people start with all the feels, and if that burns off, they don’t have anything left. But you and Ren, you have built something solid where at least you will be there for each other, as long as this lasts. It’s not earth-shattering, bodice-ripping love...but it is a kind of love, and that is real. No matter what your undies look like.” She nudged her elbow in Rey’s ribs at the last part.

 

Rey giggled. “True...true. I have just been struggling with the lie.” She paused and took a breath before continuing.

 

“Maybe too it’s been to protect myself? I mean...you know I had a crush on him...or the idea of him. I am finding the reality of him to be complex. He is bossy, moody, and definitely struggles to express himself well. But he’s also been caring and vulnerable with me about things I didn’t expect. He is both less and more than I thought...and I’m afraid of losing my heart in all of this.”

 

Rose brushed a strand of hair off her forehead. “I know...love...I know. I wish I could say that wouldn’t happen, or that he would lose his heart to you too. It’s possible this will all end in heartbreak. But...it’s also possible that he will fall in love with you like everyone else in your life. I think you should just take this all a day at a time. It won’t do you any good to borrow worry from tomorrow.”

 

Rey nodded, leaning over and hugging her dear friend. “How did you get so wise, Tico?”  


“Life...sweetie...life. I think that we have a choice to focus on the negative, fear, and hate, or we can focus on the good, trust, and love. I have seen enough to know the former leads to misery and fighting for the latter is a much better place to live.”

 

“You know...Finn could still come around…”

 

Rose gave her a half-hearted smile. “Probably not...or he would have by now.”

 

“Have you ever told him? How you feel?”

 

“Ah...no. And I won’t.”

 

“Is it worth the risk? To fight for what you love?”

 

“Maybe,” Rose admitted quietly. “Don’t turn my words on me, though, you smart alec.”

 

Rey just smiled impishly.

 

Rose cleared her throat and patted her leg. “Now, Johnson...let’s get you packed.”

 

__________________________

 

The morning of their flight, Rey’s stomach was in knots. It was an eleven-hour flight to Hawaii...double the time of any other flight she had been on.

 

“Rey...Ren will be here soon. Are you ready?” Rose called from the kitchen.

 

“Yeah,” she affirmed.

 

Rose stepped into their room and handed her a travel mug with tea and a wheat bagel with her favorite strawberry cream cheese from the bagel shop down the street. The crispy on the outside and soft on the inside bagel with the fresh berry creamy concoction was just what she needed.

 

“Thank you--Ro-Ro...this is perfect.”

 

“Well, you can’t get on a flight with an empty stomach. Now...remember you can take the Dramamine to help calm your nerves too. It’s not just for motion sickness. It will just make you sleepy, and you can nap the whole way there.”

 

She patted the pocket of her new designer jeans. “I’ve got it right here.”

 

“Good. And the snacks...you have those too?”

 

“Yes,” she sighed.

 

“And, the sundress to change into at the airport on Maui?”

 

“Yes...Mom...are you finished?”

 

Rose’s eyes looked watery now. “Just...please...have someone take some pictures so I can see you. I can’t believe you are getting married…” she broke off in a sob.

 

She went to hug Rose, but heard the knock and patted her shoulder instead before answering the door.

 

He always took her breath away a bit. He was head to toe in black, but casual with jeans, leather sneakers, a wool peacoat and scarf all that were showing.

 

“You look nice. Is that some of your new stuff?”

 

She looked down to the dark rinse designer skinny jeans, emerald cashmere cowl tunic, and camel riding boots. “Yeah...hopefully that is ok?”

 

“More than OK. You look great.”

 

He swiped his hand through his hair as if his comment made him self-conscious. “The...ah...driver is coming up for your suitcase...this too?” he nodded to the pouffy garment bag on the coat hook.

 

“Yep...that too. It’s...it the wedding dress.”

 

“Oh.” That was all he said as he took it, but his mouth turned up on one side in a closed mouth grin.

 

She ignored her thumping heart and turned to hug Rose, then grabbed her carry-on and her coat.

 

“You ready for this?” he asked, stepping right in front of her.

 

She looked up at his face, noticing his eyes were soft and warm. “Yes,” she whispered. “Are...are you?”

 

He just smiled in response...full this time. He didn’t do it often, and when he did she wondered quietly to herself how this broody, serious man had the most beautiful dimples she had ever seen. It transformed his face.

 

He looked over her head at called out, “Later, Tico.”

 

“Right back at ya, Ren.”

 


	10. Come Fly With Me

“You seem nervous.”

 

A tentative laugh fluttered past her lips.

 

“I...I have never flown this far before...just London to New York.”

 

“Ah...pity you don’t drink then,” he teased.

 

A silence followed and he winced when he realized his humor was in bad form. He decided to change topics.

 

“So...once we are in Hawaii, the wedding is scheduled for the first day at sunset. We will get in at 2 pm their time, so it’s a few hours to get ready.”

 

She nodded.

 

“I made you an appointment at the spa at 4 pm to help you get prepared. If you don’t want to though…”

 

“No, that is fine,” she said quickly, relieved since her normal goto for makeup and hair, Rose, wasn’t there.

 

“We haven’t really talked about from here on out, Rey...but we will be sharing a room.”

 

She knew that...but still...his voice saying the words brought an involuntary shiver down her neck.

 

“I mean...Amilyn told me that immigration officers are not above interviewing hotel staff...including housekeeping…”

 

“Of course...it’s fine,” she managed with more conviction than she was feeling.

 

“Should we lay ground rules?”

 

“Rules?” she squeaked.

 

“Yeah...I mean, we will have to share a bed, and a bathroom...rules for how to make that all work.”

 

“I...ah...I have nightmares. That is important for you to know. I know that isn’t a rule, but I will probably wake you up...sorry beforehand.”

 

“I...I think I snore. At least, I used to. It’s been a long time since anyone has been in the room when I’m asleep.”

 

She giggled. “Good thing this isn’t romantic then, huh?”

 

One single rumble of laughter escaped his mouth. It could have been confused for a sigh or something. “Yeah...good thing.”

 

“I...ah...I’ve never slept in a bed with someone. I feel like I move around a lot at night. Maybe we need some...boundaries?”

 

He looked off out the window at her words. “Since neither of us knows what will happen until we are there, can we just agree to communicate well about that? If we decide we need a new rule, we will just talk about it?”

 

“Sure. That works. What about the bathroom? I am not a morning person...I usually am not up that early. So, maybe you can shower first?”

 

“Yeah, I am usually up at dawn. That works.”

 

“Good...well, does that settle it? The rules you were thinking about?”

 

“Yes...well...one more thing. What do you usually sleep in?”

 

Her eyes bugged. “Pardon me?”

 

“Well...I usually don’t sleep in anything...sometimes underwear. But, obviously, that isn’t going to work now. If I am just in some jersey shorts, is that OK? Shirts are really uncomfortable for me in my sleep.”

  

Lord have mercy. Was she squirming? She felt like she was squirming...

 

“I...ah...think that is fine? I usually sleep in shorts and a tank in warm weather. Maritza...I mean, Ms. Morales included some pajamas that are similar. Is that OK?”

 

 He was looking off again. “Yeah...I think I’m just nervous. This is a test of the healing I have been through the last few years. The visual part can be hard for me. I don’t want you to feel the burden of my issues, but a scantily clad, beautiful woman in my bed might be more than I can take.”

 

She stilled. Beautiful. He said beautiful.

 

“I...ah...I’m not that kind of girl, Kylo. I couldn’t do that...and I wouldn’t do that to you. Will you tell me, though, if something I think is OK isn’t OK with you?”

 

Some air rushed past his lips, and Rey realized he had been holding his breath. His shoulders sagged, seemingly in relief.

 

“Yes...I will. Thank you, Rey.”

 

She started to reply, but the boarding call came across the PA.

 

“That us...let’s go.”

 

“But they called first class boarding,” she said, confused.

 

“We are first class, Rey.”

 

He held out his hand to her, and she took it to stand. He didn’t let go but looked down at her.

 

“You are going to have to get used to me spoiling you, Sweetheart.”

 

Eyes wide, she gulped. “Lead the way.”

 

________________________________

 

The flight was uneventful. Rey did sleep off and on, easily in the fully-reclinable first class seat. While the expensive treatment still felt awkward to her, the perks were easy to get used to.

 

A fluffy blanket and comfy pillow.

 

An eye mask.

 

A toiletry bag packed with luxury brands.

 

The food...oh, the food. Rey had no idea of the cuisine that happened on the north side of the divider curtain.

 

He had given her the window seat. She liked being able to look out at the fluffy clouds and topography below until the scenery changed a few hours later and there was nothing but ocean beneath them.

 

She watched a few movies. The last one was Pride and Prejudice.

 

Suddenly, it hit her. Today was her wedding day.

 

The extra 6 hours they would gain in the time change would also make it one of the longest days of her life...making it all feel more surreal. She sighed.

 

“You OK?” Kylo asked, a furrow of worry on his brow looking down at her.

 

She looked up at him. “We are getting married.”

 

His hand patted her knee through the blanket. “Yes, we are.”

 

“Do you ever second guess this, Kylo? Wonder if we are doing the right thing?”

 

“Sometimes,” he admitted, “when I am home alone and the magnitude of it all hits me, I have doubts. But whenever I am with you, they are all chased away. I am finding I like not being alone anymore, as unfamiliar as it is.”

 

It was hardly a declaration of love, but it warmed her heart to know that he was evolving and finding comfort in her presence. Lord knows she loved being around him...if not to have him love her, just to have him near.

 

“Me too. I don’t think I could be fake engaged with anyone else,” she teased.

 

“Well...I am glad. I wouldn’t want to be fake engaged to anyone else either,” he murmured back.

 

________________________

 

As soon as they arrived in Kahului, they hightailed it to the bathrooms to change from their warm clothes. The humid tropical air hit as soon as they walked into the open-air airport.

 

Comfortable in a royal blue silk sundress and sandals, she exited the bathroom to meet him. She was surprised momentarily to find him in a charcoal short-sleeved button-down shirt and black shorts, still with his black leather sneakers. He had a pair of black sunglasses pushed up on his head too.

 

She realized she had never seen his legs. They were like pale, huge trees. She felt a flutter of panic rise in her as she realized the tropical weather, and the new sleeping arrangements, would mean seeing a great deal more of him than winter weather in New York had allowed.

 

She wasn’t sure how to feel about that.

 

He stood, slinking his sunglasses down and grabbed her hand. “Ready for this?”

 

She squeezed his hand in response, and he led them to the area the driver would pick them up. The man quickly came to greet them and collect their baggage tickets while a woman in a Hawaiian print dress greeted them and put a fragrant lei around their necks.

 

The warmth of the climate was like a balm to Rey’s soul. She enjoyed New York most of the time, but she did not enjoy the winter. It was fun at first, but it would quickly wear out its welcome.

 

The drive to their hotel was about 30 minutes from the airport. She was surprised that the first half involved no coastline views. Later she would realize that they were driving down the middle of the island.

 

But then...they turned to weave up the coast to the hotel, though Kihei, and her breath caught. It appeared that the town they were driving through was a mix of residential and vacation properties. Grocery stores, restaurants, and shops dotted the coast. Finally, the limo pulled up to a lush property.

 

“The bellhops will get our luggage to the room. Do you need anything before your appointment? I figure we can get in the room and then take you down there?”

 

All she could do was nod as she motioned to her carryon bag and the wedding dress. She was completely overwhelmed with the gorgeous, paradise of a property. They were greeted with a VIP concierge that took them immediately to their villa. It was a stand-alone unit, private and secluded. It opened into the main living space with an attached kitchen and a stunning wall that opened up to the ocean.

 

“The bedroom and master bath are just in here, Mr. and Mrs. Ren…”

 

They followed him to a large bedroom with a king size bed and another wall that opened to the ocean, and a marble bath with a jacuzzi tub.

 

He handed them his card. “The kitchen has been stocked as you requested, but if you need anything else, anything at all, please call me.”

 

They thanked him. “Now...may I escort the bride to the spa?”

 

“Oh...um...yes. I have everything else I need in these two bags. Kylo...see you soon!”

 

“I can’t wait, Sweetheart,” he said as he brushed her lips gently.

 

[ Hotel ](https://waldorfastoria3.hilton.com/en/hotels/hawaii/hoolei-at-grand-wailea-OGGHOWA/accommodations/R1DVO.html)

 


	11. Today I Met the Boy I'm Gonna Marry

Rey looked at herself in the full-length mirror. The women at the spa had massaged her, sugar-scrubbed her, mani-pedi’d her, waxed her, and finally did her hair and makeup. Rey was quite sure she had never been fawned over so much in her life.

 

She really couldn’t argue with the end results, though.

 

Her skin glowed. She was more relaxed than she should be, given the circumstances. The makeup was just right to brighten her face and emphasize her eyes. She really loved her hair, though. It was in a low messy bun with twists and tendrils of free hair leading to it. And, the woman had woven the same fragrant flowers that were in the leis with white roses into the bun. She loved it.

 

Currently, one of the staff was helping her into the dress. The buttons took a while to do, but finally, she was done and Rey could see it all together.

 

“Ma’am.? One more thing?”

 

She was holding out a box to Rey...a jewelry box. She recognized the distinct aqua color as one she had never been privileged to have.

 

Until now.

 

She opened it and her breath caught at the site of the large scrolled diamond pendant. It was delicate and completely her taste. She wondered at how he would know that.

 

“Ah...Nohea...beautiful. May I help you?”

 

“Please,” she whispered.

 

She fingered it around her neck. Why would he do something like this? It felt like more than it should have…

 

“OK...are you ready to get married, keiki?”

 

She nodded and slipped on the white jeweled flats with aqua blue stones interspersed. She smiled to herself. With his grandmother’s ring, the new necklace, Rose’s borrowed diamond studs, and the shoes, she hit all the traditions of old, new, borrowed, and blue. Somehow, that felt right.

 

“Yes, Lelani. I am ready.”

 

________________________________

 

The hotel had set up a little aisle of tiki torches leading out to a circle that had Kylo and the minister. When she got to the edge of the sand, she kicked off her shoes. She looked up and was surprised to see him in a light-colored linen suit and shirt. The collar was open and he wasn’t wearing a tie. He just had a white flower boutonniere pinned to his lapel, and when she looked down she noticed that his pants were rolled up and he was barefoot.

 

They were really doing this.

 

She was grateful for the bouquet in her hands that gave her something to cling to.

 

His eyes were soft and warm when he took her hands. “Beautiful…” he breathed out.

 

She smiled and then turned to the minister.

 

“Dearly beloved…”

 

_________________________

 

Since it was just them, the hotel set up a private dinner on their lanai. The photographer the ceremony came back with them and had them to a few, like sipping sparkling cider and feeding each other from the tiny two-tier cake. He did a few posed shots with the sunset behind them, then ended with one of them kissing.

 

The thing was...somewhere in the middle of it all, it had stopped feeling like pretend.

 

His gentle hands at her back and on her hand.

 

His lips caressing hers.

 

The clothing...the villa…

 

All of that _was_ real.

 

Just like the rings they both now wore. They both had platinum bands. Hers was thin and delicate to go with his grandmother’s, and he now wore a wide, plain platinum band.

 

Alone again, dinner was silent. A comfortable silence...but silence nonetheless.

 

They talked about what they might do tomorrow...but then the lull came again.

 

He was done eating, just sitting back and looking at her.

 

“I like your dress...you look lovely in it, Rey.”

 

“Thanks. You look nice too. I didn’t know you owned anything that wasn’t black or grey.”

 

He snorted at that, then as his eyes looked her over, he turned serious again.

 

“You look tired.”

 

She sighed, finally full. “I am...it has been a long day.

 

“Why don’t you get ready for bed. You can go first.”

 

She nodded and headed to the bathroom. Very quickly, she realized she had a problem.

 

“Uh...Kylo?”

 

He was standing on the lanai. He turned slowly to her--his expression unreadable.

 

“I...ah...I need your help. This dress...the back is all buttons I can’t reach. Could you…” she turned to show him, looking over her shoulder.

 

She heard him mutter something, then he stepped towards her. His hands started toward her back but then dropped.

 

“You know...it almost seems a shame, to not have you wear it longer.”

 

“It is lovely,” she agreed, turning to look at him with her heart in her eyes.

 

“I know this isn’t a fairytale wedding Rey...and many wedding night traditions are not part of all this...but do you think we could have one dance before you take it off?”

 

Her breath caught. That seemed like a sentimental request coming from him, but she had no wish to refuse him when saw the sincerity surfacing in his expression. “Alright.”

 

He walked to the iPod the hotel provided and scrolled for something appropriate.

 

“Ah...this one I think.”

 

The sound of a ukulele playing a familiar tune came across the speakers.

 

“I love this version,” she murmured as one hand snaked around her waist and the other held her free hand.

 

She rested her weary head against his chest as they swayed. He had long ago taken off the jacket, and she could feel his warmth seeping through the cotton shirt against her cheek.

 

“When I was a little girl, I loved this movie. Dorothy was an orphan too...and I would pretend that the foster homes were the lands over the rainbow. There were some witches and some friends along the way. I used to believe if I could only find the ruby slippers, maybe they would take me home to my parents and we could be a family again.”

 

“I used to think maybe my parents would find them and they would bring them home to me,” he admitted.

 

They moved without speaking again for a few moments.

 

“Uh...Sweetheart, I know this all is not normal and it's confusing...but in a way, we are family now. We aren’t alone in all this anymore.”

 

She looked up at him, tears swimming in her eyes as the song ended.

 

He kept her hand in his and led her to the bathroom. He turned her so she faced the mirror and looked down.

 

There were a whole lotta buttons.

 

He took a deep breath and sighed. He tried to make quick work of it. About halfway down, he realized that he wasn’t really desiring to see her...not like this and without permission. He respected Rey and cared about her, and he wouldn’t use her as an object of lust.

 

The realization relieved tension in his shoulders. He really just wanted to take care of her.

 

He didn’t want to get cocky, but it was a monumental corner turn for him.

 

There were just a few left when he looked up and caught her eye in the mirror. “You should take a bath and relax for a bit. The only plans we have for tomorrow are for dinner, so we can rest all day until then.”

 

She nodded, and he started to leave the room.

 

He stopped and turned back, that sincere expression back in place. “Rey...I meant what I said earlier...you aren’t alone anymore.”

 

He bent and kissed the top of her head before leaving and shutting the door.

 

She stood there in the bathroom on her wedding night, clutching her dress to her chest, tears now running down her face.

 

“But then what happens when this is all over and I’m alone again?” she whispered to her reflection in the mirror.

 

_______________________

 

Kylo was exhausted. He figured by now he had been up for 24 hours straight.

 

After the bathroom helping her, though, he just couldn’t shut his brain down to find rest.

 

He sat out on the Lanai in the dark, soaking in the sound of the waves crashing on the beach ahead, his thoughts seemingly swimming in them.

 

He had never been with a woman where he didn’t feel the compulsion to see them and be with them sexually. That unhealthy need in him to numb his aching loneliness was always there. And...it had been that way for a long time.

 

So long.

 

On the one hand, he could hardly remember those feelings...just the intensity of them and the impulse he felt.

 

He couldn’t really evaluate the feelings he was feeling for Rey in comparison. He cared about her, but it was so different. The feeling of the itch he couldn’t scratch just wasn’t there.

 

In its place, he felt the need to watch over her. Every time she talked about her past, he just wanted to yank all that from her memory and only bring things to her mind that would make her smile.

 

That beautiful smile.

 

She had flashed it at him as she walked towards him at the beach. It wavered once she got up next to him...likely the gravity of what they were doing hitting her.

 

But the way she looked...the dress...she took his breath away.

 

But the compelling need he felt...instead of needing to possess...was to walk with her...provide for her what life had stolen. He wanted to give her a future.

 

Yes, they were strange feelings indeed, and ones he had never had before.

 

He dragged himself to the couch finally, the perplexing thoughts still brewing as his exhaustion finally lulled him to sleep, aided by the melody of the ocean.

  
  


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	12. Aloha Part 1

She awoke to the early morning light on her face. The clock told her that while it would have been sleeping-in back in NYC six hours later, in Hawaii it was still relatively early. A glance to the other side of the bed told her that Kylo had never made his way there.

 

She sat up in a panic...wondering at where he was. She got up and padded out to the living area and saw him, passed out on the couch. He had taken his shirt off, and the blanket draped around his waist didn’t tell her what his state of dress was beneath.

 

He looked so peaceful sleeping there. One arm was flung over his head and the other rested on his stomach.

 

When she noted that, her eyes also registered the newest part of him revealed to her.

 

She had worshipped this man from afar with his dark smirks and designer suits. But...she was wholly unprepared for the reaction she felt of seeing him shirtless. His pale skin seemed to strain to cover the hard planes of his stomach.

 

She also realized that somehow his clothing concealed the broad, muscular girth of his chest and arms.

 

How was she married to this?

 

She shook her head and hurried back to the room.

 

Nervously, she took note that since they were on vacation...in a tropical area with a beach and pools, she was likely going to see that ridiculously amazing view multiple times. She had to get it together. She couldn’t react that way with him.

 

 _It’s just because it’s the first time...next time it won’t be so much_ , she assured herself.

 

She settled on the bed to read after going to the bathroom. Not a minute later, he showed up in only a pair of mid-thigh length cotton-knit shorts.

 

“Good morning, wife,” he tossed over to her as he stumbled into the bathroom.

 

Crap.

 

Nope...it had nothing to do with being the first time. Unless she was still riding on the high of the first sighting...which she could be.

 

He popped back in. “Hey...I’m going to take a shower. Can you order us some room service? I want bacon and eggs...wheat toast….and some fruit? Coffee?”

 

“Sure…” she got out before he was gone again and she heard the water turn on.

 

She found the menu and called the food service button on the phone. Once that was done, she went back into the room to read while she waited.

 

The water shut off. Soon after, she heard the bathroom door click open.

 

“I...ah...this is going to take some getting used to. I’m used to being alone when I get ready. I forgot my clothes. Sorry.”

 

He strode across the room to his suitcase, a towel wrapped around his waist and water droplets dripping from his dark, long locks to his back, running in rivulets down his skin as he leaned over his suitcase to get some clothes.

 

Ugh. The back was almost as good as the front. She knew the man’s schedule. How did he possibly have the time to work out enough to support all that?

 

He walked back into the bathroom to dress. She facepalmed her forehead, whining to herself.

 

This was going to be a long week.

 

__________________________________

 

Over breakfast, he pulled up the website that listed all the things to do.

 

“So tonight we are going to the luau for dinner. The other things we can do are a bike ride down Haleakala, horseback riding, snorkeling…”

 

“I think snorkeling could be cool, but I don’t like boats.”

 

“Oh?” he smirked. “Why is that?”

 

“I just don’t.” Her tone warned him to not ask.

 

“Ok then...well, there are some snorkeling options that don’t involve a boat.”

 

“Yes...please. The other two...sound interesting. Yes to the horseback riding, but what is Haleakala?”

 

He studied the screen, clicking through a few. “It’s a dormant volcano. It seems people like to go up and watch the sunrise at the peak, then they bike down.”

 

“Huh...well, that should be done sooner than later before we acclimate to the new time zone, right?”

 

“I can check with the concierge about tomorrow then. Oh...also, there is something called the road to Hana. It has various places you stop and see waterfalls, a black sand beach…”

 

“That’s brilliant! Yes to that.”

 

He was quiet for a few minutes, tapping on his tablet screen. “OK...I sent that to the concierge to schedule for the week. What about today?”

 

She glanced out the opening on the ocean side. “Would it be OK to just lie low? I’m still tired...reading on that lounge and then maybe heading to the pool sounds good to me.”

 

“There are shops here too,” he offered.

 

She wrinkled her nose. “Oh...it would be nice to get a few souvenirs for my friends, but I’m not much of a shopper.”

 

He studied her for a moment, then said, “I don’t think I have ever met a woman who didn’t like to shop...especially when I am offering my unlimited credit card to do so.”

 

She shrugged. “I guess I’m in a class of my own then.”

 

“Yes you are…” he murmured.

 

_______________________

 

They decided to head to the pools before the heat of the day. That meant...sunscreen.

 

Rey greased all up in the bathroom, but then realized at the end that she would never be able to reach the spot in the middle of her back. Assistance was needed.

 

She stepped out into the living area to see him in his black board shorts and one of the hotel beach towels flung over his shoulders. Also...flip flops...black flip-flops.

 

Kylo Ren was in flip-flops. That made her giggle.

 

“Hey...um...could you help me with this on my back?” she said as she shook the sunscreen tube at him.

 

“Yeah...sure. Then can you help me?”

 

“Of course,” she gulped.

 

She turned so he could get her back exposed in the modest jade green suit. She closed her eyes and the cool sensation of the lotion and the warmth of his hands glided across her skin.

 

There was something so comforting about his hands on her. She couldn’t explain it.

 

He finished and handed her the tube.

 

“I...ah...need you to sit. I can’t reach.”

 

He sat on the couch in front of her and she got to work.

 

His skin was so warm and soft. And...those muscles were every bit as firm as they had seemed when she perused them this morning.

 

She sighed. Maybe a tropical wedding/honeymoon wasn’t the best idea after all. She should have suggested a snowy mountain locale somewhere instead...with lots of clothing layers.

 

He started to talk, but his voice cracked a bit. “I...ah...saw on the website that there are a few different pools. One is just for adults. Should we head there first?”

 

She cleared her throat, reprimanding herself that he didn’t _quite_ need that spot covered... _again_ …but he _was_ awfully pale...

 

“That sounds good...more peaceful,” she agreed.

 

“Agreed.”

 

________________________

 

After swimming for a while, they were laying on lounges in the sun on the beach to dry off.

 

“So...what did you want to be when you were little?” she asked.

 

He thought for a minute. “An astronaut...I was always fascinated with space, and I wanted to see it all first hand. My dad was a pilot...and I think I wanted to be like him.”

 

“I love that! I wanted to be a nurse...and a teacher...and a race car driver…”

 

His voice was incredulous. “Really? A racecar driver?”

 

She giggled. “Yeah...one of my foster dads loved NASCAR. I was with them for 6 months. I think the idea of getting in one of those cars and taking off from everything was appealing to me.”

 

He was quiet for a minute before asking, “Have you ever been able to talk to anyone about all of that, Rey? Like a counselor?”

 

She shook her head, looking off into the water and shading her eyes. “Celebrate Recovery was a group program, so there was that. But one-on-one with a therapist, no.”

 

“I would like to help you go to someone when we get back, if that is OK with you. I think it would help you a lot. I mean, I’m here to listen, but I have found a professional to be very helpful. I am pretty confident I wouldn’t be here anymore if I hadn’t gone. My behavior was completely destructive, and other addiction patterns would have developed trying to fill the hole.”

 

She turned to look at him, lowering her hand and dropping her head back against the lounge.

 

She couldn’t see his eyes behind his black aviator glasses. “Why would you do that?” she asked softly.

 

He shrugged. “I care about you, Rey. And...isn’t that what husbands do? Take care of their wives?”

 

“I wouldn’t know...and you aren’t really my husband…”

 

“That’s not what the marriage license says.”

 

In the quietness of her mind, she refuted, _No...but that is what your heart says._

 

_____________________________

 

It was an hour until the van would come to get them to go to the luau. She was excited about it after reading up on it from the website.

 

“C’mon, Rey...we are going and that is final. You were squinting in the sun all afternoon. It’s bad for your eyes.”  


She begrudgingly let him drag her into a shop. “I don’t need sunglasses. I live in New York” she refuted.

 

“So do I...you’re getting some.”

 

She huffed through the store, sullenly shooting down whatever he showed her.

 

“What is going on,” he gritted out lowly so no one else could hear.

 

“I don’t like that you are always buying things for me.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because it’s too much.”

 

“For who? Too much for who, Rey?”

 

“You...you shouldn’t spend your money on me.”

 

“You are my wife...Rey...and I will buy you what you need...including sunglasses so you don’t irreparably damage your eyes. Pick. Some.” The last few words came out with an edge.

 

She saw some large tortoiseshell ones that caught her eye. She shoved them on.

 

“There...happy?”

 

He just grinned at her...which only made her angrier. “Yes...yes I am.”

 

She muttered under her breath as he paid.

 

____________________________

 

It turned out her sour mood didn’t ruin the luau. She was too distracted by all the sights to remember she was mad at him.

 

No...it hibernated until they were back in the villa.

 

She slammed the door when she went to the bathroom to ready for bed.

 

He jumped and his eyes sank closed.

 

When she came out in the matching shorts and cami set, face cleared of makeup and loose bun on top of her head, her eyes were flashing.

 

He quietly gathered his things and went to ready for bed himself.

 

When he came back in, he walked to the other side of the bed from where she was sprawled and laid on his stomach, clutching the pillow as he looked at her...waiting.

 

“What?” she asked, annoyed.

 

“Can we talk about this...please?”

 

“There’s nothing to talk about, Lord Kylo. Your wish is my command.” The snark in her tone was not lost on him.

 

“What is wrong? I need you to communicate with me.”

 

She set down her tablet and sighed. “Fine. Let’s talk. I don’t like it when you lay down the law and insist on things.”

 

“But Rey...you needed them.”

 

She stood up and started pacing. “That may be true...but you just tell me things without asking. The clothes...school...sunglasses...you get bossy with me, and it makes me feel like I don’t have a choice in things. Like what I think doesn’t matter. Nothing right now makes me feel like I have a choice.”

 

“I know I can be...a lot. But...what do you want me to do when you know something is best and you are being stubborn?”

 

“Oh...I’m stubborn? Really Pot?”

 

“You know what? We are tired...we have an early morning...I’m just going to sleep on the couch.”

 

“That is the most brilliant idea you have had all day, Ren!”

 

She turned out the light, muttering to herself before flinging her body down on the bed. Despite how worked up she was, sleep came fast.

 

____________________

 

Ben woke to a strange noise. He couldn’t place it, but then a few seconds later he heard it again.

 

Was it an animal?

 

No...there is was again.

 

Moaning.

 

Fear.

 

He made his way to the bedroom door, and he could hear her.

 

“Nnnnnooo...no...please...anghhhh”

 

Now in the room, he could see her thrashing around.

 

He sat on the edge of the bed and pressed his palm to her cheek.

 

“Rey..”

 

“No-no-no...please don’t…” she pleaded as she thrashed about.

 

He reached with both hands and gave her shoulders a shake. “Rey...you’re ok...it’s just a dream.’’

 

With a sharp breath intake, she opened her eyes, wide and scared.

 

“Ben…” she whispered.

 

His heart thudded at that name. Since it was still his legal name, that is what she said in their ceremony and it’s what is on their wedding license. But...it had been so long since anyone called him that.

 

“Ben,” she whimpered, louder this time as she leaned forward to the protective space of his chest.

 

Almost by rote, his arms locked around her. “It was just a dream, Rey...just a dream.”

 

“Please don’t leave me.”

 

“I’m not going anywhere, Sweetheart.”

 

“But you will,” she whined, “when this is over.”


	13. Aloha Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> True story in this chapter...see the end notes.

  1. **Aloha! Part 2**



 

Ben woke to the alarm she had set at the ungodly hour they needed to get up at to make their shuttle. He carefully untangled himself from her limbs, still clinging to him after her terror in the night. He got ready, then came back out to rouse her.

 

He was only partly successful as she stumbled zombie-like to the bathroom. He handed her the bag of layering clothes and the rain jacket that the concierge had brought them for the trip as she teetered into the bathroom. Apparently, the top of a volcano was cold, even in Hawaii. He quickly started dressing, aiming to have the pants and shirt on before she came back out.

 

They hurried out to the entry foyer to meet the shuttle. 3:00 am. Who got up that early on vacation? They did apparently.

 

Once they were settled in the back seat of the van, he tucked her under his arm and pulled her to his side.

 

“Go back to sleep, sweetheart...we won’t be there for about 90 minutes.”

 

She complied, and as the van lurched forward, he realized that he wouldn’t be joining her in more sleep.

 

Something about her nightmare disturbed him. Was it something bad that happened? Maybe in one of the homes? Was it about him? Him...leaving?

 

He didn’t intend to go anywhere. He was actually quite enjoying having her around all the time. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that this was always meant to be temporary, for both of them to get the things they needed.

 

But when he thought about her not being there, he didn’t like it at all.

 

The longer he thought about her...and all she had been through...he understood why she would fear being left. She was left. People leaving is what changed her young life.

 

But he wouldn’t do that to her.

 

_Really Ben? That isn’t what she signed up for. Besides...you left your family...why wouldn’t you leave your fake wife?_

 

He shook himself, wondering why his inner voice was suddenly calling him Ben...and he realized it was true.

 

At no time in his life had he ever had a relationship that lasted.

 

Ever.

 

He didn’t count the co-workers he tolerated to do their jobs.

 

No. Not them.

 

He wanted to make her promises, but deep down he wondered if he was capable of doing that.

 

He wanted to...though...he wanted to prove that Ben voice wrong.

 

______________________________

 

They sat at Kihei Cafe for a late breakfast after making it back to town.

 

Involuntarily, she shivered.

 

“I can’t believe how cold it was up there. If felt like we were back in New York.”

 

“It was amazing, though,” he countered.

 

She agreed, then groaned as she shoveled another fork-full in her mouth.

 

“These are so good. It’s like they put crack in them. And after this week, I won’t get them again.”

 

“They are just pancakes...with bananas and nuts.”

 

She shook her head. “No... _caramelized_ bananas, _macadamia_ nuts, and coconut syrup...all in the fluffiest buttermilk pancakes I’ve ever had.”

 

‘They can’t be that special…”

 

He was interrupted by her shoveling a bite of said pancakes in his mouth.

 

He hummed in approval. “Oh...yeah...you are right. Those are pretty amazing.”

 

“Can we come here every morning for breakfast?”

 

He just laughed. “Now we know why it was recommended to us. We can come a few times more.”

 

She pouted.

 

He ignored it. “What do you want to do the rest of the day. We could go to Lahaina to walk around and have dinner?”

 

She leaned back, patting her belly. “I can’t even think about eating now. I didn’t think I could eat them all.”

 

“Well, apparently getting up before dawn and biking down a mountain a few hours later gives one an appetite.”

 

She sighed, agreeing. “And makes one sleepy…”

 

“What now, wife? It’s only 10:30.”

 

“Ahhh...I would like to just go sleep on the lanai for a while. That sounds like heaven right now.”

 

He sent the text to call the driver from the hotel. “As you wish.”

 

__________________________

 

The next day was the horseback riding day. It took a while to get there, as the place was on the northwest side of the island.

 

They got out of the van and Rey rushed over to the fence to look at the horses in the pasture.

 

One caught her eye. He was huge...and...cut? She didn’t know how else to describe the horse. His muscle definition was crazy. And, he was a dark brown color, almost black. He was stunning.

 

“That there is Koa,” the cowboy next to her said. “My horse.”

 

“He’s beautiful,” she breathed.

 

He laughed out loud at that. “Don’t let him hear you say that...he’s arrogant enough as it is. What is your experience with horses, iki kekahi?”

 

“I...ah...I’ve only ridden once. And it’s been a while.”

 

He chuckled. “Don’t worry...we’ll put you on one that is nice and gentle...you will be safe as a kitten.”

 

“Great!” She said, smiling wide up at the man.

 

Kylo was looking out at the coast, far below them, before he turned and saw Rey talking to the worker. Something twinged in his gut when he saw the man smiling down at her...like he was flirting with her.

 

He sauntered up and slung an arm around her waist. “So, Sweetheart...did you pick one?”

 

“Huh...oh...Kaapo here has one picked out for me.”

 

The other man motioned at him with his chin. “How about you...sir...what is your experience level?”

 

Kylo stood there, feeling challenged suddenly by this man who was flirting with Rey...his Rey…

 

At least legally.

 

“Oh….I’ve ridden quite a bit,” he said confidently.

 

That wasn’t a total lie...he just didn’t mention that it was 15 years ago…

 

“Great...I have just the horse for you then, Paniolo.”

 

He took them to the row of horses reined to the fence. He helped Rey use the step stool to get on a white mare that looked pretty gentle.

 

He motioned for Kylo to follow him to a chestnut brown horse with a black mane and tail. “This here is Hookeai. You need any assistance, sir?”

 

He easily swung his leg over and found his seat. “I got it...Kaapo.”

 

The other man just grinned at him, like he knew a joke he wasn’t telling.

 

They started out on the trail. It wound through the hills and the mountains on the west side of the island. The Cowboys would point out different landmarks and points of interest along the way.

 

Kylo didn’t understand why they cared about the rider experience when the horses just followed each other, plodding along the trail. After about an hour of that, he saw around the corner ahead was a stretch with a fairly open meadow. It was still on a bit of an incline... but definitely a different landscape.

 

He turned around to Rey. She was in front of him, but his horse insisted on nosing his way up front suddenly.

 

“You doing OK, Sweetheart?”

 

“Yeah...it’s really cool.”

 

“Good...I want you to have fun and be com…”

 

That was all he got out of his mouth before the horse underneath him bolted.

 

He almost fell off at the motion, his younger days coming back to save him as he clamped his knees around the horse’s girth, but he still had to grab the saddlehorn to hold onto.

 

He had never been on a horse running so fast. Now that he was at full speed, it was smoother...but very fast.

 

As they neared the top of the hill, finally the horse slowed before coming to a stop.

 

Kaapo on his impressive Koa caught up to him first, laughing.

 

“Oh yeah...I forgot to mention...Hookeai is a retired racehorse.”

 

Kylo rolled his eyes, heart still pumping wildly. “What kind of name is that anyhow?”

 

“What...Hookeai? It means fast in Hawaiian.”

 

Rey’s horse caught up to them, and she was out of breath, but her smile was beaming.

 

“Kylo...that was amazing! How did you do that? He was going so fast.”

 

“Oh...just experience, I guess.”

 

He turned and muttered under his breath some rather unflattering comments about Kaapo to himself.

 

__________________________

 

“Ugh.”

 

He was slumped on the couch after a dinner at the hotel, his almost 30-year-old body feeling every bouncing jolt it had gone through on the back of that horse.

 

He silently cursed himself and his ego.

 

“Umm...Ben? I don’t know if you would be interested, but I have some lavender bath salts that are very relaxing...a warm bath with them is what I always use when I’m sore. They have Epsom salt in them, so they really help. I could run you a bath?” she offered uncertainly.

 

He couldn’t remember the last time he had taken a bath, but he was willing to try anything to ease the aches he felt everywhere.

 

“That would be great, thank you.” He tried not to moan...he thought it was mostly successful.

 

She jumped up to head to the bathroom.

 

Curse her, her young body, her docile horse...

 

He heard the water running, so he forced himself to get up and start gathering his nightclothes.

 

When he headed to the bathroom, he inhaled the relaxing aroma of the lavender. He noticed a modest amount of bubbles too.

 

“Sorry...if the bubbles are too much. I thought it would be nice, and the plumeria scent smells good with the lavender.”

 

“It’s fine,” he reassured her with a squeeze on her arm.”

 

She smiled and left it to him, shutting the door behind her.

 

About thirty minutes later, she heard a knock on their villa door.  Alarmed, she padded to the entrance and peeked out the hole. There was a man in a suit standing there...maybe from the hotel?

 

She opened the door. “Can I help you?”

 

He flashed a badge. “James Keahanu, immigration officer. Are you Rey Johnson?”

 

She gulped. “Actually...it’s Rey Solo now.”

 

“Of course. Mrs. Solo...can I come in? This is a routine surprise check.”

 

“Um...sure? My husband is in the bathtub, though.”

 

“Well...I suggest you let him know I am here.”

 

“Yes...sir...right away.”

 

She walked into the bedroom, and chewed her lip, trying to decide what to do. She needed to warn him, and she couldn’t do that through the door. Besides...why wouldn’t a wife go in to talk to him? That would be expected and seem less suspicious.

 

She tried the handle, and it was unlocked. Apparently, he didn’t lock it after she closed it earlier. She took a deep breath and opened the door, curling around and facing the wall before shutting it.

 

He started to talk, but she motioned for him to stop with her hand.

 

She started walking backward until she estimated that she was in the middle of the room, close enough to talk softly to him.

 

“There is an immigration officer here, Kylo. He needs to talk to us.”

 

“Oh,” she heard the understanding in his voice.”

 

“Can you...ah….hand me one of those towels?

 

She grabbed one from the towel bar, then turned to the get the mirror out of her peripheral vision and handed it to him behind her back.

 

She heard him stand and the towel rubbing over his skin, then heard him step out of the deep tub.

 

“It’s OK, Rey...I have the towel on now.”

 

She turned to face him. “I’m scared, Kylo.”

 

“I know...me too.”

 

In the end, it all went smoothly. He asked them about the wedding and what they had been doing in Hawaii. It was clear from some of the questions that he had talked to the girls in the salon. He knew about Kylo’s gift to her. He even laughed when them when Kylo recounted the tale about the horse from the day and why he was so stiff.

 

“That’s what I get for my ego getting in the way and getting jealous when someone is flirting with my wife.”

 

She turned to him. “What? Why were you jealous? He wasn’t flirting!”

 

“Sweetheart...he so was. I can’t believe you didn’t notice.”

 

“I really don’t think…”

 

Officer Keahanu cleared his throat. “Well, folks...I have all I need here. I will let the two of you get back to your evening. Congrats on the wedding, and I hope you enjoy my home island this week.”

 

The door clicked behind him, and she whirled back around to him.

 

“Kylo...why would you be jealous? This isn’t even a real relationship?” she whispered.

 

He snorted. “I wouldn’t say that! We’re married...we fight...and you are my friend. This is about as real of a relationship as I’ve ever had, Mrs. Solo.”

 

“Still...why would you be jealous?” she asked softly.

 

“I’m not sure...but I didn’t like it.”

 

She searched his face earnestly before dropping her gaze.

 

“I think I’m going to take a bath too.”

 

By the time she got out and was ready for bed, he was softly snoring on the bed. He was laying on his stomach facing her.

 

She sat down carefully to not disturb him and slid down to lay facing him.

 

She thought back to their earlier conversation. Why on earth would he be jealous?

 

She knew why she would be jealous. She remembered the ugly feelings that rose up around Bazine. But...surely he didn’t feel that way about her...did he?

 

No...he couldn’t. He was just being protective. Maybe he was mad since he couldn’t flirt either until this marriage was over. Except she knew he didn’t date...and had been celibate for years.

 

Maybe it was an image thing. He mentioned his ego earlier...maybe he was worried about the appearance of having a wife that wasn’t faithful to him? He was concerned with image when it came to her clothes...that is when he got the bossiest.

 

Just thinking the words “marriage” and “over” broke her heart a bit. She knew every day she was in deeper and deeper, and she didn’t think she would get her heart all back together when this was done.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...the part with Kylo and the horse..this is a true story that happened to me when we went horseback riding on Maui. The "Paniolos" (Hawaiian for cowboys) got a good laugh out of me. The moral of the story is, always be truthful about your riding experience lest they stick you on a retired racehorse! I lived to tell the tale…
> 
> Also, I am playing fast and loose with all the immigration stuff. I have no idea what all they actually do...I'm just doing here what I need to move my story along.
> 
> If you ever go to Maui, you must eat at Kihei Cafe. Their breakfast is the bomb-diggity!!!


	14. Aloha Part 3

Kylo awoke to the sensation of something warm curled up in his right arm. Slowly, he became more aware of the same warmth flung across his chest.

 

Rey.

 

For a few moments, he tightened his hold on her and enjoyed it.

 

Until he enjoyed it too much, and his body started to want to respond.

 

No...that wouldn’t do.

 

He carefully separated himself from her and got up before anything got out of hand.

 

He went to the living room and started pacing.

 

What was that about? This is not OK...feeling that way about Rey is not OK.

 

He realized that it was past noon in New York, so he grabbed his phone and headed out to the beach.

 

He sent a text and then waited for the call.

 

Dr. Andor called him back right away.

 

“Kylo...how is Hawaii.”

 

“Um...good...nice…”

 

“Wonderful. And how is married life treating you?”

 

“Ah...fine...but you know we aren’t really…”

 

“Aren’t you?” the doctor asked cryptically.

 

He was just silent.

 

“Why are you calling me...on your honeymoon?”

 

He winced at the name and all it implied. “I...ah. I’m fine...Rey is fine…”

 

“Well...I’m so glad you called to tell me that.” The snark was dripping from his voice.

 

“It’s just...I am feeling things...things that are different, yet familiar…”

 

“Kylo...are you trying to tell me that you are attracted to your wife?”

 

“I’m not sure yet...maybe.”

 

“Well...that is stunningly confident.”

 

“I know...I know. Let’s say I was...how can I stop those feelings?”

 

“Describe to me how you feel about Rey.”

 

“I care about her. We have become good friends. I often feel...protective of her? She has had a hard life...I want to help her to have what she needs and wants now. I enjoy having her around. She is kind but fiesty...we have similar interests. She makes me laugh...and she is warm.”

 

“Why is all of this a problem? After all...you are married.”

 

“True, but you know the circumstances around that.”

 

“I know how the circumstances started...but it is up to the two of you how they end.”

 

Silence.

 

“So why today, Kylo. Why are you calling.”

 

“Well I’m not sure, but I may have woken up feeling other things…”

 

“What...like sexual things.”

 

“Not over that line, but attraction that could head there.”

 

“Kylo...what you are describing to me is the natural progression of getting to know someone and developing feelings for them. There is nothing wrong with that. Even more so since the two of you are in a committed relationship. What you felt before...that was all about self-soothing and obsession...not for any one person, but for trying to fill the affection hole you had. That is the opposite of what you are explaining to me now.”

 

“Well...I…”

 

“I encourage you not to freak out about this. Don’t try to control it...let it be what it will be. I wouldn’t say anything to her yet...give yourself a chance to process how you're feeling. And, I think it is too early to act out on any of these feelings, but be honest with yourself about them. That is the only way to let go of the past and make a new future.”

 

“I’m scared...I don’t want to hurt her.”

 

“And because you feel that way...I know you won’t. Allow your heart to feel, Kylo. You haven’t for a very long time.”

 

He couldn’t really say he felt better when he hung up...but he didn’t feel worse either.

 

__________________________

 

It was their last night on Maui before heading to California. They were going to have dinner at Mama’s Fish House before an early night.

 

The last few days had been full. The road to Hana was an adventure. Eight hours in a car was not his ideal activity to do on a vacation, but the sights were pretty amazing. The waterfalls and the black sand beach, in particular, were stunning. But, the road was narrow and windy, often only big enough for one car. He was glad they had a driver.

 

They had eventually snorkeled off the coast in Kihei. He got a really bad sunburn, though, and felt like pins and needles were assaulting his back. Rey had insisted he take a bath again, this time with baking soda to help with the stinging. It seemed like she always knew what to do.

 

And now they were traveling to the north side of the island to head to the remote restaurant. The driver pulled up to the valet/drop off area, and make arrangements about what time to return.

 

They walked down the hill and slowly the stunning view enfolded. The restaurant was nestled in a cove made up of white sand, crystal blue waters and swaying palm trees.

 

“It’s beautiful,” she murmured.

 

He took in her soft waves, hazel eyes glittering in the sun, now tan skin and her yellow off the shoulder sundress.

 

“It is,” he agreed.

 

Her gaze was out over the water. “Thank you for bringing me here...Kylo.”

 

He tore his eyes from her and looked out at the view she was taking in. “It has been a good week.”

 

He reached down and took her hand. “C’mon...we need to go check in.”

 

Their reservation was for 6:30, so it was starting to turn dusky. The whole side of the restaurant facing the water was open. The food was delicious. Finally stuffed and satisfied, they walked back outside.

 

“We have about 45 minutes till our driver is back.” He looked out to the sand where they were earlier. Tiki torches were lit, illuminating the beach that as now covered in darkness and moonlight.

 

“C’mon,” he said as he tugged on her hand.

 

There was a bench out close to the waterline, far enough away to avoid the waves, but close enough that their rhythmic melody drowned out the noise of the restaurant.

 

They sat there, watching the waves.

 

“So...what do you want to do in California?”

 

“Oooh...a lot. Hollywood, Disneyland...the beach. I’ve always wanted to go to the Santa Monica pier and drive up Highway 1. Maybe learn to surf?”

 

He laughed in surprise. “Really? Surf?”

 

She shrugged. “I’ve always wanted to,” she confessed.

 

She rubbed her arms.

 

He moved his arm to her shoulders and drew her to his side.

 

“Will you tell me about what it was like when you were growing up?” she asked, hesitantly.

 

He thought for a minute. “Lonely.”

 

She pondered that for a moment. “Isn’t it interesting,” she paused chewing her lip, “that we grew up so differently, and yet, in the end, wound up feeling the same way? Alone? Prone to addiction from the holes left in our hearts. You rich, me poor...but abandoned just the same.”

 

He kissed the top of her head, and she rested her head on his shoulder and put a tentative hand on his thigh.

  
[ Mama’s Fish House ](https://www.mamasfishhouse.com/)

 

_________________________

 

That night she fell asleep in his arms long before he did. He liked this...just being there for her. It felt so opposite from what he was before.

 

Giving...not taking.

 

Protecting...not hurting.

 

Care...not lust.

 

It had been a long, long time since he had felt anything even close...if ever.

 

He drifted off with a smile on his face and peace in his heart.


	15. California Dreamin' Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Goodbye Hawaii...hello California!

The next afternoon, the limo pulled up in front of the Regent Beverly Wilshire in Beverly Hills.

 

“Ben!” she gasped. “Is this...is this the ‘Pretty Woman’ hotel?”

 

He looked up confused. “I’m not really sure I know what you mean...”

 

He took her hand and led her into the lobby to check in while the drive gathered their luggage.

 

“Ah...Mr. Ren. Yes, we got your shipment and all your luggage is waiting in the penthouse for you. Alfred will escort you.”

 

As they walked to the elevator, she hissed, “It is...are you kidding me? We are staying here for a month?”

 

“No...a week and a half here. The condo service I usually use was booked until then. Is that OK?”

 

She started to answer, but Alfred opened the door. She stepped inside to the sumptuous suite.

 

“Are you kidding me? The penthouse, Kylo?”

 

He shrugged.

 

She turned to the balcony and quoted under her breath, “it's the best...”

 

“I don’t have to be at meetings until Tuesday, so we have all day tomorrow and Monday to explore. What do you want to do?”

 

“Maybe do the Highway 1 drive? Do we have a car?”

 

“We can get one...maybe a convertible?”

 

Her eyes lit up. “Oooh...that sounds good. Maybe Santa Monica too...and the walk of fame?”

 

He smiled down at her. “We can do whatever you want, Sweetheart.”

 

_________________________

 

He was calling her sweetheart more, now...and when it was just the two of them. She could get used to all of this.

 

She sighed.

 

“You OK?” he asked, frowning down at her.

 

“I am...just tired, I guess?”

 

They were in the rental car, a black convertible Corvette. He thought she was excited to drive up Highway 1.”

 

“Are you feeling well?’

 

“I’m fine,” she snapped, firmer than she meant.

 

What was she supposed to say? That she had a crush on him? That every time he called her sweetheart, or touched her...slept next to her...her heart broke a little more?

 

Perhaps it was moving beyond a crush…

 

“I am really OK...I just feel a bit out of sorts. I’m sure it’s just the travel...I’ll be fine.”

 

He nodded, and silence filled the car.

 

When he turned off of the 405 freeway onto the highway, the view started to change from concrete to ocean.

 

Even after spending the week in paradise, the sight of the Pacific still took her breath away.

 

They wound through the congestion of Santa Monica before it lengthened out to Malibu, then the houses and cars grew even sparser up the coast.

 

It was like heaven.

 

The sun was warm on their heads, even though the wind whipping through the open cab was chilly. The sun glistened on the water, sparkling like diamonds under the light.

 

“There’s her smile,” he teased.

 

He was right...in the beauty of the California coast, she had forgotten the hurt.

 

She looked at him, his own hair fluttering in the swirling air the convertible allowed. Her heart clenched. He seemed so unaffected by all of this...content even.

 

That is what seemed to hurt the most, possibly, is that she was alone in the pining.

 

It ached.

 

They stopped in Camarillo for lunch before turning to head back down the coast.

 

“Did you want to drive back?”

 

She looked at him, want in her eyes, but disappointed.

 

“I don’t know how to drive...being in foster care in England, then coming to New York for school where no one drives...I just never had the chance.”

 

He looked over at her, his expression unreadable behind his sunglasses.

 

When they were almost out of town, he suddenly pulled into a parking lot of an abandoned supermarket.

 

“Switch,” he demanded.

 

“What?”

 

His tone grew more insistent. “You are going to learn how to drive...now switch.”

 

“You...you are going to teach me to drive...in a rented car...a Corvette…”

 

“Yes...move.”

 

She got out on shaky legs and obeyed, stumbling into the driver seat.

 

She fastened her seat belt, then turned to him expectantly.

 

“First...can you reach the pedals?”

 

She stretched out her legs, not making contact. She shook her head.

 

“OK...there is a button on the side to adjust your seat...slide it forward until you can reach them comfortably.”

 

“Check.”

 

“Now...adjust your mirrors…”

 

“Check.”

 

“Good. Are you ready?”

 

She took a deep breath.

 

“It’s going to be OK, Rey. Now...put your right foot on the brake and put your hand on the gear shift…”

 

He turned out to be a patient teacher. Even when she mistook the brake for the gas, or screeched the tires when she backed up. He stayed even and careful.

 

Soon enough, she was actually driving smoothly through the lot without any instruction of his.

 

She felt like she was flying. It felt free and exhilarating.

 

She couldn’t wipe the smile off her face, nor stop the laughter that bubbled freely.

 

He watched her, her joy contagiously dragging him along. He couldn’t repress the smiles from his face.

 

The moment, in an abandoned grocery store parking lot in the Central Coast of California, was the most fun he had in a long, long time.

 

_____________________________

 

He had to start working for a few days, so she used the hotel driver to do some exploring on her own.

 

She hit the Getty Museum and the Los Angeles Museum of Art.

 

She went to the LA Zoo and the Griffith Park Observatory.

 

She went to Grauman's Chinese Theater and stuck her hands and feet in the famous impressions just outside, then wandered the sidewalk looking for the stars of her favorite celebrities. Hollywood was a bit stranger than she anticipated, though...so she didn't stray too far.

 

She even took some surf lessons on Zuma beach. They didn’t go as well as she hoped, but she managed to stand once or twice.

 

But today...today was Saturday...and today he was taking her to a lifelong bucket list destination.

 

She could hardly contain her giddiness.

 

They were dropped off, and she heard him groan at the sea of people in front of them.

 

“Are you sure? Must it be here? Anywhere but here?”

 

“Really? You promised!” she cried.

 

The hurt in her eyes sobered him. “I know...I just hate crowds. But...for you...for you, I will do this.”

 

Her sadness quickly fled, and she dragged him over to wait in line for the tram.

 

“Will you get some mouse ears?”

 

“No.”

 

“Please...with ‘Kylo’ written on the back?”

 

“No.”

 

“Just for a picture?”

 

He rolled his eyes at her and watched the hedges passing quickly as the tram whisked them off, ironically, to the happiest place on earth.

 

_______________________

 

He was being very patient.

 

He took the requisite picture in front of the castle with her.

 

He stood next to her as she waited to meet Mickey and Minnie...or rather, the people in those costumes. She refused to see that, though...no...she believed.

 

He went on “It’s a Small World.” That was eight minutes of his life he couldn’t get back.

 

He bought her Dole Whip, avoided rolling his eyes at the bad jokes on the Jungle Cruise...even managed to not punch Goofy in the mouth when he kept touching his hair.

 

He had been perfectly gentlemanly all day. But if people didn’t stop ramming his legs with their stroller...so help him…

 

He felt her tug him. “I want to do Pirates and Thunder Mountain before dinner...is that OK?"

 

Yes...yes, that was more than ok. People weren’t allowed to take strollers in lines...lines were good.

 

They were in the cool darkness of the Pirates line when he stopped brooding long enough to look at her. He noticed she had the same look on her face all day.

 

Delight.

 

There was something about her when she was this happy that was mesmerizing. She was always lovely, but that expression called to him. For what, he was still trying to wrap his head around...but it just did.

 

And, seeing that and realizing his sour mood checked him. But, he thought she hadn’t even noticed...she was so absorbed in all that was around them...he wondered if she even remembered he was there.

 

Then...he wondered how often in her life she had days where this expression never left her face.

 

That sobered him, and he resolved to not be such a...well...an Eeyore.

 

“Are you enjoying this, Sweetheart? Is it all you imagined?”

 

He saw her wince a bit when he said that, but then she quickly recovered. She started gushing about the day and everything she had seen and done.

 

What was that? Why did she react like that? He noticed it when he was trying to be affectionate, in action or in word. Maybe she didn’t like that. After all, he knew this was just for show…

 

“Kylo? What do you think?”

 

He noticed they were close to the front now, and she was asking him something and he had missed it completely.

 

“I’m sorry?”

 

“The parade! They say you need to get there early to find a place to sit. I think we should eat after this, then head over to Main Street. We can do Thunder Mountain later.”

 

“Sure...sure...whatever you want.”

 

When they sat on the ride, he struggled to fit his large frame in the allotted space. He put an arm on the back of the seat and angled sideways a bit to help.

 

She was enraptured with the ride, but he noticed she would grab his leg when she startled. Whether it was the first big drop, or the cannon fight scene...or the fire.

 

She seemed to need reassurance. He caught her hand in his free one, and she squeezed it the rest of the ride.

 

Later, when she was resting against him in her new sweatshirt (because who knew how much colder it got there at night) watching Fantasmic, he realized that he enjoyed the day more than he wanted to admit. The childlike, distracted joy she exhibited all day was worth the crowds.

 

And the stroller bruises.


	16. California Dreamin' Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter...sweet sixteen...wraps up the month in California! Enjoy!

It was the second week before Rey was brave enough to venture out onto the famous shopping district adjacent to the hotel. They would be moving to the condo soon, and if she didn’t go now she never would.

 

She wondered if it was as bad as “Pretty Woman” depicted. How would they read her on the surface? She had nicer clothes now...but would that matter? Maybe once they saw the black credit card Kylo had given her, nothing else would matter.

 

How shallow it all seemed.

 

She walked out, just window shopping and people watching at first. Then, a red cocktail dress in the window of the Oscar de la Renta store caught her eye and pulled her inside.

 

It was completely different than anything she had ever worn...but it called to her. It was strapless, and on one side it had a band that wrapped around the arm like a sleeve. The hem was asymmetrical. It was stunning...and totally out of character for her, but she loved it.

 

“May I help you,” she heard a bored voice behind her ask.

 

She turned to level a steady gaze on the other girl. “Yes...I would like to try that dress on.”

 

“The red one...in the window...are you…”

 

“Yes...that one. I am quite sure...thank you.”

 

The gal got her settled in a room while she hunted for the dress in the right size.

 

While she was waiting, she chewed her nails. She felt anxious at the thought of spending money...his money...but he had said…

 

“Here we are. I grabbed two sizes, not sure where you would be. Do you need assistance?”

 

She shook her head and the gal left.

 

Rey quickly shed her clothes and slipped the dress on.

 

It fit like a glove.

 

When she saw herself in the mirror, she nearly squealed. It made her feel grown up and sexy, without being overtly so. She wondered if he would think differently of her, if he saw her in something like this…

 

The gal knocked. “How are you doing in there?”

 

“Perfect...I’ll take it. Can you make a suggestion for a place to get shoes?”

 

Later that day, she walked home with a few bags dangling from her arms. She found shoes and jewelry, and a few cute dressy tops that she could dress up or down with what she wore with them.

 

She didn’t even look at what she spent. The thought made her stomach roil. He had said she needed to get over letting him buy things...

 

_________________________

 

They moved to the condo a day later, and he told her there would be a client event that weekend.

 

“Did you bring any semi-formal or cocktail dresses? That would be most appropriate for this event…”

 

“I...ah...bought something. The other day.”

 

His eyebrows raised in surprise. “You did? Where?”

 

“On Rodeo…is that OK?”

 

“Of course it’s OK...you know I have been trying to get you to get more...I can’t wait to see what you found that made you actually go shopping of your own free will.”

 

_____________________

 

Sunday night she was nervous.

 

What was she thinking? Was this too much?

 

She looked in the mirror, taking in her appearance. Her hair was down in loose waves, and she had made a valiant attempt at the smoky eye Rose always tried to tutor her on, and the results were better than any previous attempts. The gold strappy heels and gold jewelry were lovely...she just felt…

 

What was it? Mature? Provocative?

 

Yes...but when she looked at the dress, she realized it was on the modest side compared to many she had seen that day.

 

She just wasn’t used to looking like this...feeling like this. It was fine.

 

It was fine.

 

“Rey...the driver will be here soon.”

 

“Coming…” she called out.

 

She looked at herself in the mirror again and shook off her negative thoughts. She stood tall and walked out to the living area.

 

His back was turned to her as he studied what she assumed were his client notes on his tablet.

 

“Are you rea…”

 

He turned to look at her and he just stopped.

 

He was...staring.

 

She started getting twitchy again.

 

There was no expression on his face.

 

He was just staring.

 

“I...ah...I’m sorry, Kylo...is this not OK? I wasn’t sure…”

 

“N-n-no...it’s fine...you look fine. Beautiful rather...it’s very...very….uh...nice.”

 

She beamed at him. “Oh...OK. Great. I was worried there for a minute...I don’t want to embarrass you…”

 

“Not possible...definitely not embarrassing…”

 

What was it then...devastating? Hot?

 

This was terrible...he wasn’t supposed to think his wife was hot. No...that wouldn’t do at all.

 

But...Dr. Andor told him he needed to be honest with himself. And if he was being honest….

 

...yes...definitely hot. Lord help him...

 

“Well, shall we?” He crossed the room to open the door and she brushed past him on her way out.

 

It was like pinpricks on his sleeve.

 

What was going on?

 

______________________

 

“So, Solo...who is this lovely lady.”

 

Rey turned to look at him confused at the man calling him “Solo”...and Ben winced.

 

“Ah...Lando...this is my wife, Rey. Rey...this is Lando Calrissian, an old family friend.”

 

Inside, she was shocked. He never talked about his family...so meeting someone connected to them was strange.

 

She offered him her hand, and he bent to kiss it instead of shake it.

 

“You may be a top client, Lando...but you are still my uncle and I know you too well. Keep your lips off of my wife.”

 

Ben pulled her to his side then with a protective arm over her bare arm.

 

Lando’s hands came up in defense. “Fine...fine...I get the message. I guess I missed the wedding invite...though...or announcement from your parents.”

 

She could tell he was getting annoyed. “There was a destination wedding with just the two of us in Hawaii a few weeks ago, and they don’t know. Do you really want to continue to pull on that thread?” he challenged.

 

He and Lando knew better than to make things personal so the professional relationship could continue...but this was treading on dangerous ground.

 

The older man sighed. “No...I don’t. Rey, you are lovely...welcome to the family. Ben...I’m proud of you.”

 

“You really have to call me Kylo at work functions…”

 

He smiled at his nephew and clapped a hand on his meaty shoulder. “Actually...I don’t. I’ll leave you two kids to it.”

 

The rest of the night passed uneventfully. Kylo found that having her with him made things a lot easier. Her extroverted personality easily engaged with people in conversation, and that took a lot of pressure off of him. He just had to nod and comment once in a while, but she did all the heavy lifting.

 

There was an incident with a younger associate in the LA office flirting with her. He happened upon them as he was looking for her after heading to the bathroom. He shouldn’t have left her alone with the sharks here…

 

“Sweetheart...there you are.” He pulled her to his side and bent down to kiss her bare shoulder. It was soft and lingering...

 

If he was honest...he had been wanting to do that all night. He had been just looking for an excuse.

 

“M-m-m-Mr. Ren...this is your…”

 

He raised his head back up and aimed for the look that made people avoid him in the hallway. “This is my wife, Rey...and you are?”

 

“J-j-j-Johnson, sir...Scott Johnson.”

 

The younger, discombobulated man swallowed hard, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down.

 

“Ah...I will remember that” Kylo promised.

 

Scott scurried off...and Rey giggled.

 

“He was just being friendly,” she teased.

 

“Hardly,” he scoffed. “I assure you, wife...friendship was not what was on his mind. Especially with you in that dress.”

 

Her mouth dropped open as he continued. “Let’s go dance for a bit.”

 

She just nodded and allowed him to lead her to the dance floor.

 

“We haven’t danced like this since our wedding night...that was three weeks ago,” he murmured against her head.

 

“It feels like longer...it’s hard to remember what it was like before you...and all of this.”

 

She felt him nod against her head. “It’s been two months since that day when I saw you crying at your desk. I had no idea what was to come.”

 

Her face was buried in his chest as they swayed to the music, and he barely heard her.

 

“Do you...do you regret any of this?” she whispered.

 

He hooked his finger under her chin and pulled her face up, his eyes boring into hers.

 

“No,” he said simply before his lips descended down on hers.

 

There had not been many kisses between them...very few, in fact. She knew this one was for show, just like the others...but she didn’t care. She let herself get lost in it. She pretended like he was her real husband, and this was a real kiss...and she reveled in it.

 

When he pulled back, and the look on his face was hard to pinpoint. He opened his mouth like he was going to speak, but one of the guests tapped him on the shoulder.

 

“Mind if I cut in?” Lando asked.

 

Rey felt his hands clasp a bit harder on hers before releasing them, handing her to him.

 

“Behave yourself,” he warned.

 

Lando did an admirable attempt at a look of innocence, but his usual charming smile was back in place when he took hold of Rey.

 

“So...wife Rey...how long have you known Ben?”

 

“Just over a year, I think?”

 

“How long have you been in love with him?”

 

“Since the beginning,” she admitted in a hushed tone.

 

“Well...I got to hand it to you ...I didn’t think he would ever get married. I was a bit surprised. His parents will be too.”

 

She took a deep breath. “I wish things were different with his parents.”

 

“You could influence him, you know.”

 

“I really don’t think…”

 

Lando’s face lost it’s casual, teasing look “Rey...his dad is sick. He is going to run out of time.” His voice sounded...desperate.

 

She swallowed the weight of Lando’s words, at a loss for how she could help. His hurt ran deep...but he might regret it if he didn’t know and found out it was too late.

 

“I’ll see what I can do.”

 

He nodded. “Good...I think he would take it better from you.”

 

She groaned inwardly, doubting the truth of his words. If she was really his wife...maybe…

 

She dragged her eyes across the rooftop deck to where he was. Her heart hurt for the pain he would feel when she figured out how to tell him.

 

“I’ll do my best,” she promised.

 

 


	17. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lots going on in this chapter, so it's a longer. This is where I am drawing heavily on my husband's experience and therapy here. Kylo's experience and why aligns very much with his, even though the manifestations are not spot on. This is pivotal for their relationship moving forward.
> 
> Enjoy and Happy Monday!

Before she knew it, they were on a plane headed back to New York.

After the party, and the moment there was broken, they settled back into their typical routine. They had a visit from an officer in LA that they managed to canoodle their way through...but then it morphed back into their comfortable co-existence.

The apartment was ready when they returned, and the movers had already moved and unpacked both of their belongings. The first weekend back was full of organizing and getting things put in place.

It was gorgeous.

The colors were warm and light, which contrasted nicely with the dark finish of the paneling and moldings that drew him to the apartment in the first place. He felt like the color scheme represented the two of them...his dark and her light.

Traveling around, the temporary rooms they had stayed in lent to the acting that their ruse required. It felt at play, to some extent.

But now...in the home he had imagined for so long, and her here in his bedroom…

It was real..

But again, if he was being honest with himself...it was real before to...he just didn’t have to face it in the same way.

He headed to Dr. Andor.

“So...have you been honest with yourself, Kylo?”

“I’ve tried to be.”

“Good...good. Tell me what honest Kylo thinks about what we talked about.”

He rubbed his hand over his face and chin. “I think I might be falling in love with her.”

The warm, amused eyes of his therapist met his.

“And...how do you feel about that.”

“Scared.”

“Because…”

“I...I don’t want to hurt her.”

“Because…”

“My past. I think I’m afraid…”

A moment passed. Dr. Andor waited patiently.

“...I’m afraid that my past will hurt her. If I open those floodgates again...I might turn back into that monster.”

The doctor looked back over his notes.

“When was your last relapse?”

“Five years and forty-five days ago.”

“When was the last time you were with a woman...or watched porn...or masturbated?”

He grimaced. “The same week, was all three...but the last was the last woman. I didn’t even know her name...I rarely did.”

“And...remind me again...why you behaved in that way?”

He looked out the window. “I felt emotionally abandoned by my parents and the rest of my family for as long as I can remember, and I never attached appropriately to either of them. When my hormones aroused in puberty, they fueled an obsession to fulfill myself emotionally that lasted until my early twenties. That’s when I hit rock bottom...and Lando helped me find you.”

“And why did those countless, nameless women...or the pornography...not fulfill it?”

He sighed deeply. “Because it was just a shadow of what I was craving...a cheap imitation.”

“What were you craving?”

“Love...true affection...someone to stay.”

He nodded, then changed direction.

“Tell me why it is you think you are falling in love with her.”

A small grin flashed over him. “It’s hard to explain. She’s...she’s Rey. She is beautiful and all of that, but she doesn’t take any of my crap. She is caring with me. She listened to me about my past without judgment. She struggled with addiction as a teenager with alcohol...so it was like she just got it. We understand each other. And, growing up an orphan...she understands the abandonment feelings. I mean...mine are nowhere near hers…”

“We don’t compare or judge pain, Kylo. That is personal.”

He nodded, then continued. “I took her to Disneyland when we were there, and her face was just lit up like a child on Christmas morning the whole time. And I kept thinking...kept wondering that day, if it had ever looked like that when she was a kid. It just made me want to throw my arms around her and protect her from anything else that might hurt her...including me.”

Dr. Andor was just watching him with that knowing, kind expression that always made him spill his guts.

“Have you ever been in love before?”

“No,” he spouted out unequivocally.

“Do you know how she feels, Kylo?”

“I...ah...no. I haven’t talked to her about this.”

“So...let me ask you something. Hypothetically, of course. If she shares your feelings...and has no idea that you feel the same and is just left to drown in that unrequited mess like you...would that not be hurting her, the very thing you claim to want to keep her protected from?”

His mouth hung open.

Dr. Andor leaned forward then, setting aside his notes and rested his forearms on his legs.

“I have been your therapist for seven years now, Kylo, and you are not the man you were. You can have a healthy relationship...and you deserve that.”

Tears stung at the back of his eyes. Dr. Andor was the only one in his life who had been kind to him...until Rey.

“You need to talk to her. Share your heart and be honest. I know that will be hard because you feel like the marriage is a farce, but I beg to differ with you, and now is the time to throw open all the doors and come clean.”

He nodded, wiping at his eyes. “Thank you,” he whispered.

The doctor’s hand reached out and clasped over his. “It is my joy, Kylo, to see your transformation. But it was not for nothing...it was so you could move on to have healthy relationships, not punish yourself by being alone the rest of your life. You have a chance at that now...be brave.”

He started to respond, but his cell phone started buzzing incessantly. It was Rey.

Once he lifted it to his ear, it was Rose’s frantic voice he heard, not Rey’s.

‘Ren! There was an accident. You need to come to the hospital...Mt. Sinai emergency room.”

Panic filled his person. “What’s wrong, Rose. Is she OK?”

“I think so? I’m not sure. They took her back...said she might need surgery…”

He was already running out the door. “On my way.”

_________________________

The antiseptic smell covering other smells hit him as soon as he entered the doors. He checked in at the desk and was directed to a waiting room on the 5th floor...the orthopedic surgery ward.

He found Rose there, wringing her hands.

He leaned down to her level and grasped her arms, feeling desperate. “What happened to her?”

“We..we were waiting to cross the street--one of those high-curb ones---and a man from behind bumped into her. She went flying off the curb and broke her fall with her arm before hitting her head on the pavement. Her arm was definitely broken...the...the bone was…” and the other girl stopped, a sob overtaking her.

After a few sobs and deep breaths, she continued. “A cop was close by and called it in, and he blocked traffic. It’s a miracle she didn’t get run over. The ambulance came, and here we are. They rushed off with her and they won’t tell me anything.”

The unknown...that was the worst. It stabbed him in the gut as he considered all of the tiny woman’s words.

Awkwardly, but sincerely, he pulled her to a hug and patted her back.

When they broke, they sat, staring into space.

“Was...was she conscious?”

Rose just shook her head. He leaned forward and sank his head in his hands. He tried all his self-soothing tricks...willing his heart to calm and for his anxious thoughts to cease.

Just then, a doctor shoved open the double doors that led to the waiting room and called out, “Rey Johnson?”

Kylo stood. “It’s actually Solo, now...Rey Solo. We just got married.”

“Ah...newlyweds, huh? Well...your little lady will be just fine. She has one hell of a concussion, and a compound fracture in her arm they are still repairing. We will leave her sedated for tonight to help the swelling in her brain go down with some rest. She will be here probably three days until we are sure her concussion is reducing, then she can go home. I’ll come let you know when she is in her room and you can go see her.”

Relief flooded through him. “Thank you, doctor. Thank you.”

As the man turned to head back, he ran up to him after a thought pierced the shock of the day. “Um...doc...she is a recovered alcoholic. I know she wouldn’t want any pain meds that are habit-forming. Is that possible?”

He reached up and clasped a hand on his shoulder. “Of course...thank you for letting me know, son.”

He went back to sit with Rose.

“She...she told you?”

“We had to share lots of things with each other. We are supposed to be married.”

She took in his tight expression, and the worry furrowing his brow.

“You are married,” she stated matter-of-factly.

He sank down in his seat and rested his head back. “I know...Rose...believe me...I am aware of that.”

“Also, you aren’t really acting like a fake husband right now. So either you are a really good actor and missed your calling…”

She leaned over and pulled his face to meet hers.

“...or you really do like her.”

She saw the truth there in his eyes, but she pushed. “Which is it, Ren?”

The intensity on her face wore him down. He groaned.

“I didn’t mean to, really...I never planned to fall in love, but I mean, have you met her? She just lights up the room, and she can be stubborn, but also so sweet. People are usually afraid of me, but no...not her…”

He looked over at the woman with the expression of shock on her face, mouth popping open and closed in disbelief. It was enough to stop his ranting.

“You...you...you love her? Like...for real? For how long?”

“Well...I had just admitted it to my therapist, which is where I as when you called, so consciously for a little over an hour?”

“Wow...just...wow. She is going to flip.”

“Yeah...hopefully in a good way. Hopefully, it’s not shrieking away in horror…”

She grabbed his arm. Wow..that was a nice big, defined arm…

“You have to tell her.”

“I know...and I will...I just have to work up the courage. You can’t say anything, though, I’m revoking the share-everything-with-your-best-friend clause in your friendship.”

She quirked an eyebrow at him. “Why do you need to work up the courage?”

He groaned again. “Because, this wasn’t our agreement, Rose. This was a fake thing, and I don’t know how she is going to react. I’m nervous because if she’s horrified, we still have to play house for a few years.”

“You don’t know? Wow...maybe Rey is the one who missed her theatrical calling…”

“Huh?”

“Ren...she has had a crush on you for over a year. Unless you have been a complete wanker since you got married, I think this whole situation has just pushed her further into that.”

“What?” he responded, not comprehending her words.

“She likes you...a lot. But, you can't say I told you. This is between you and me...in the circle of trust.” She had two fingers extended, motioning back and forth between the two of them.

“Yeah, yeah...sure...I hear you.”

He sat up and looked over at her, a smile washing over his face. “She likes me.”

Rose rolled her eyes. “I should be getting some kind of yenta fee for this…”

_________________________

It was the next morning when the swelling in her head reduced enough that they brought her out of sedation.

He saw her stirring a bit, her eyes closed still. Her good arm lifted like it was reaching for something. He instinctively reached out a hand and clasped it.

“Hey, Sweetheart...you’re OK.”

Eyes still closed, she croaked, “Where am I?”

“The hospital...do you remember the accident?”

She nodded, wincing at the movement.

“You have a concussion and a compound fracture in your right arm. They did surgery on it yesterday. Are...are you in a lot of pain?”

She shrugged a bit. “It’s not too bad...I just won’t move my head.”

He chuckled, then got serious. “I asked them not to give you habit-forming pain meds...I thought with…”

Her eyes finally opened, her fluttering orbs meeting his steady gaze, understanding oozing there.

“Thank you.”

“Of course...that is what husbands do...it’s my job to take care of you.”

__________________________________

Two days later, as they prepared to get her home, the nurse came in to go over her discharge information.

Follow-up doctor appointments...check.

No getting her cast wet...check.

Assistance needed for daily tasks like washing her hair, shaving, dressing…

No check...definitely no...oh crap…

“Mr. Solo? Did you hear me? Are you able to help her, or do you require assistance?”

He rolled her words around in his mind. Abso-freakin-lutely he needed assistance. He couldn’t do all of that...for her. But, on the other hand, why wouldn’t a newlywed husband who, by the way, had federal agents checking all of their records, do that?

“Of course...of course, I can help her,” he affirmed.

She turned to him, away from the nurse, and her mouth fell open a bit. He furrowed his brow at her and gave a slight motion with his hand, indicating for her to drop it for now.

“OK...that is all...I just need you to sign this, Mr. Solo...since she can’t…”

After he recorded his signature, she turned and called out, “I’ll get the wheelchair and be right back.”

“What? What were you thinking?” she hissed.

He sat down on the bed next to her, and very quietly said, “If you would like to explain to Miss Kanata why your supposedly in-love new husband wouldn’t assist you with bathing and dressing, by all means, be my guest. I’m sure we will both love prison.”

Her head snapped back in realization. “Oh.”

“Yeah...oh.”

“But...how…”

“I’m not sure, Rey...we are going to have to figure it out.”


	18. Adjustments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all your sweet comments. Here's another to enjoy...tee-hee...

They stood in the kitchen, leaning against the pristine white marble countertops as he looked over the list from the doctor, twitching his jaw as his eyes raked over the page.

 

“OK...so, for bathing, if we put a trash bag over your arm, do you think you can wash yourself?”

 

“I...I think so…”

 

“OK...so shaving...what if we just make you a wax appointment. It lasts for about 6-8 weeks, and that is about when you are due to get your cast off.”

 

“They did that in Hawaii...it hurt,” she pouted.

 

He looked up exasperated. Couldn't she see how hard this was for him? Even the thought...

 

More tersely than necessary, he spit out, “Your other options are to be hairy or have me shave you.”

 

“Fine,” she snapped. “Waxing is fine.”

 

“Good. That leaves washing your hair, which I can do here at the kitchen sink. Lastly...getting dressed. I don’t see how we get around that one. I will have to do that too.” He willed his face with steely determination to stay calm and not betray the firestorm brewing in his mind.

 

She gulped. “How?” her voice croaked, barely holding on.

 

“How? I am assuming one arm and one leg at a time…”

 

“Wha...what about my undergarments?”

 

“I’ll close my eyes. Or...maybe you can manage your underwear, and get your bra on...I can just fasten it? I think it’s the clothes that will be harder...especially anything snug.”

 

Her face was flushed, and she looked like she was going to protest some more.

 

“At least twice a day, Rey, that is a task that must be done. I don’t see how it can be anyone but me. Now...would you like to take a bath? I can wash your hair later.”

 

She nodded quietly. He walked over to run the water, then went to the kitchen to find some bags.

 

“I think we should use two to be sure,” he said as he walked back in.

 

“Also, I found some large rubber bands we can use to seal off the top...let me know if it’s too tight?”

 

She offered up her arm in affirmation. He slid the bags on and squeezed as much air as he comfortably could out, making her arm as small as possible.

 

He shut off the water, then walked over to her.

 

“I think if you just unbutton my pants, I can shimmy out of my bottoms…”

 

He obeyed, undoing the zipper and the button of her jeans.

 

He surveyed them, then looked up at her. “I’m not sure with how tight these are, and your head injury still being a concern, that you should try to get these off. Let me get the jeans and you can do the underwear, but only if you promise me to sit down.

 

She knew he was right. “Sure...OK,” she breathed.

 

He pushed them down past her hips, careful to leave her underwear intact. Thankfully, they were black cotton boyshorts and not too revealing. He bent down next to her legs and knelt.

 

“OK...hold onto me please.”

 

She grabbed onto his shoulders as he peeled her jeans down her legs. Once he was done, he stood and grabbed the bottom of her t-shirt.

 

“Ready?” He asked.

 

She felt like all she could do was nod, but talking was so hard, what with him undressing her and all...

 

He pulled the bottom of her shirt up, holding the sleeve so she could pull her good arm out before pulling it over her head and off her injured arm last.

 

She stood there awkwardly in front of him. Her face almost looked...pained.

 

He saw it, but chose not to push on that right now. He spun her around so her back was to him, and he looked over her head to meet his eyes in the mirror.

 

“So...if I just unfasten it...you think you are good from there?”

 

Her yes was so small he hardly heard it, but he looked at her one more time and she nodded. He looked down to the hooks on her simple white bra and carefully undid them as she clasped the garment from the front.

 

He put his hands on her shoulders and looked her mirror self in the eye. “You are to call me if you feel dizzy, or can’t safely stand up, or cross the floor...do you understand? You will not risk more injury by being pig-headed...am I clear?”

 

“Yes,” she said more firmly this time.

 

He walked out and closed the door. _That wasn’t too bad._

 

After all, it wasn’t really what he saw that was a problem, it’s what the new job informed him about.

 

For example, the fact that she didn’t wear a bra to bed. That has been information he wasn't previously privy to.

 

She had wrangled her underwear on successfully, but needed his help with her nightshirt. She held her towel to her chest as he pulled the knee-length garment over her injured arm, head, then torso before she dropped it and wiggled her good arm through.

 

“There...that wasn’t so bad.” she breathed as she exhaled.

 

She grabbed her shampoo and conditioner and headed for the kitchen.

 

She didn’t see him grasp the countertop as he gritted out, “Speak for yourself, Rey.”

 

It didn’t really get any better when he joined her in the kitchen. He had to pick her up and lay her on the countertop with her head draping over the edge of the sink.

 

This time, it wasn’t so much what he knew, but what he felt.

 

It was a strange, intimate experience to wash someone else’s hair. It bordered on...well...something he didn’t want to think too hard about...

 

He did his breathing exercises.

 

Finally, she was all clean and ready for dinner. He was convinced he deserved some kind of medal.

 

This was going to be a long few weeks.

 

______________________

 

It had been a week since they had gotten home. They had about 4 ½ weeks left of her cast.

 

It was driving him mad.

 

It drove him to Dr. Andor...where he got scolded for not talking to her yet.

 

How exactly...after these months of living as if man and wife...does one communicate they want to actually _be_ man and wife.

 

Before the accident, when he was able to compartmentalize his feelings and keep them separate from the physical, it was fine...mostly…

 

But now...how completely and entirely he wanted her was impossible to ignore. Yes, he loved her, and wanted to protect her, and all of that…

 

...but he also wanted her in a way he had never experienced wanting before. As opposed to before where he wanted to devour...now he wanted to…wanted to….

 

He had a hard time explaining the difference, but he felt it.

 

He wanted to give...to share…

 

And it had been so long, and it felt so different than before...it seemed to him like it was almost sacred. And with her having never...he honestly thought it would be like them both learning new.

 

But that...that was a long ways off. Because he hadn’t even told her he loved her and gotten a chance for them to get used to that.

 

In the end, telling her became much simpler than he thought...and it was perfect.


	19. To Tell the Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things that need to be said are said...but that won't solve everything!

She was going stir crazy...she had to get out of the apartment. If she saw the beautiful polished wood floors, or the marble bathroom, or the sumptuous suede couch for one more second…

 

For the last two and a half weeks, he had been spoiling her...babying her really, including bringing everything to her. In the apartment...even food...always there.

 

And now she wanted OUT! And she made no bones about it when he got home.

 

He agreed...reluctantly. The loose sweats she wore around the house were much easier for her to help him get her dressed in. They were much better than, say, tight jeans...or a button-down blouse. Those things took longer and tested his mettle in quite a different way.

 

He helped her get dressed, and they headed out to dinner. She already felt better, just eating outside of the walls he owned.

 

It was a gloomy March day, but early still and she wasn’t ready to go back.

 

“What do you want to do then? Where to?”

 

She thought for a minute. “I know…”

 

And that is how he found himself in the lobby of the familiar building, paying for two express elevator tickets to the top.  

 

Since it was a Tuesday, the crowd was light and they found a secluded corner with a bench.

 

“Oh...by the way. Maz called.”

 

“Maz?”

 

She smiled, “Miss Kanata...she asked me to call her Maz...her first name…”

 

“Of course she did…”

 

“...anyhow, she let me know that the active part of my case is closed. There will be check-ins over the next year...but no more surprise drop-ins.”

 

“Oh...great.” _She doesn’t need me anymore_ , he thought to himself.

 

“I guess we sold it pretty well, huh?” she teased, bumping his shoulder with her good one.

 

“Huh? Oh...yeah...sure…”

 

She grabbed his hand and squeezed. “Hey...what is going on over there? You have been quiet all night. Come to think about it...you’ve been this way for weeks.”

 

He didn’t answer, but just stared down at his hand in hers.

 

“Is...is it my arm? All the things you have had to do? I know it’s a lot...you didn’t sign-up for that.”

 

“Uh...no...not really…”

 

“But some of it?” She tried to look at him, but his head was down. She sensed the anxiety dripping off of him.

 

“Yes...but not in the way you think,” he admitted, looking out into the night.

 

A wounded look fell over her face, and she withdrew her hand. “Are...are you...are you done with me?” she whispered.

 

He just chuckled and looked out to the view. “I was going to ask you the same thing. You have what you needed...”

 

He finally turned to look at her, and the tears pooling in her eyes broke his heart.

 

She stood up abruptly.

 

“I don’t need to stay where I’m not wanted, Kylo. I can go stay at Rose’s...she told me if I ever…”

 

He stood up and his eyes bore down into hers, flashing with something she couldn’t name. Not anger...maybe frustration?

 

“You don’t need to take care of me anymore...husband.” Her voice broke on that last part and her head dropped.

 

He didn’t know what to say...so he went with what he felt instead.

 

In one motion, he reached out for her face with his hands, lifting it up and crushed her lips to his.

 

Everything he couldn’t say...all he was feeling...he poured it all out into that kiss and tried to communicate what his words couldn’t.

 

It was warm, and smooth. He felt like he was drowning, and her mouth was his only hope of salvation.

 

But at some point in the heated embrace, he realized words would be needed.

 

He pulled back and dropped his forehead to hers.

 

“I’m not done with you, Rey...not even close. Not ever.”

 

She pulled back and looked at him with eyes round and dazed.

 

“What?”

 

“I’ve been scared to tell you...not knowing if it would make you uncomfortable or not. But...I love you. I have for a while. I know that makes this all awkward if you don’t…”

 

With that one good arm, she hauled him back down to her lips. After a few moments, breathless, she dragged her lips from his, peered up at him and sighed.

 

She closed her eyes. “I’ve liked you as long as I’ve known you...and I think I fell for you hard sometime around Hawaii.”

 

“Can we go back to the apartment? We need to talk...and I don’t want to do it here,” he pleaded.

 

She nodded and they headed back down the elevator.

 

They didn’t talk, but contentedly held hands until they were back at the apartment.

 

They sat on the couch, and she looked over at him expectantly, waiting for him to talk.

 

“I realized in Hawaii that I was having attracted feelings for you. It scared me, though...because of my past. I wasn’t sure what to do with it. I thought you were lovely, but mostly it manifested in this desire to take care of you. What you have been through in your life...I wanted to be able to shield you from it.”

 

“I managed to put the physical feelings in a box, so to speak, reasoning that the emotional ones were the more desirable ones. Because...how can any feelings that lead me to want you physically be good? I had trained myself to eschew all of that...so you can imagine why I felt trepidation. I didn’t want to do anything to hurt you...I just wanted to protect you.”

 

“But then...I think it started with the party in LA and that red dress. I couldn’t deny, then, what I had been feeling. I acted on it...when I kissed you that night...but then the fear pushed me back in a corner.”

 

“That is...until...until you got hurt. Having to help you,” he took a deep breath and waved his hand toward her, “do all of that...I couldn’t push those feelings down anymore. I realized fracturing my feelings for you wasn't doing any good. There couldn't be a 'good' box and a 'bad' box for them...they just all were.”

 

“Dr. Andor has been trying to get me to be honest with you for a long time. I just didn’t know how to tell you...then when I was put in a position where I had to wash your hair and fasten your bra, I just felt paralyzed.”

 

He took her hand and drew it to his lips. “I had to accept that I love you and want all of you. I fell in love with you first...who you are. You have brought such light into my life.”

 

His eyes met hers then, worried, “Please know, though...I’m not saying we need to do anything now...or that I want to yet. I just needed to be honest with you and get this all out into the open.”

 

Her eyes softened. “Ben...is it too hard to help me? I can stay with Rose for a few weeks...she can help me…”  


He shook his head. “No...that isn’t it. It’s hard to explain. I think in my mind I had separated emotional love and physical love...which is ridiculous when you think about it. But because the physical is an expression of the other. But...I didn't know that...I've never been in love before. I just didn’t want to think of you in a way even close to that dysfunction before...it became illogical. The pressure cooker of keeping that all in is the problem.”

 

He looked over and drew her hand up to his mouth in a tender kiss. “I’m sorry...I know this is all a lot...but I am just wondering if you feel anywhere the same and if we can try this relationship thing for real.”

 

She broke out in a nervous giggle. “I have been insanely attracted to you...probably since I met you. It was just infatuation for a long time...but going through this all together...it grew to more. I love how you take care of me and look out for me, I like just being with you. I just like you, Kylo Ren...Ben Solo. Just you.”

 

He dragged her across the space between them and tucked her into his side.

 

“We are going to need to be honest with each other and communicate.”

 

“Yes...we need to…”

 

She pulled back and looked up at him. “I want us to be together...but I’m not sure I’m ready for all the physical stuff right now...it intimidates me a bit.”

 

“Of course, Sweetheart. You will set the pace here. I just feel better getting it all out in the open.”

 

Nobody spoke for a moment before he started again.

 

“I think that maybe I need you to sleep in the other room, though. Now that the active part of the investigation is closed, I think a bit of separation is good. I don’t mind taking care of you when you need it...but I think to sleep separately will help.”

 

She leaned her head back against his shoulder. “I will miss that...with you there close by.”

 

He brushed a strand of hair off her forehead. “I know...me too. But it’s just for a while.”

 

They sat that way on the couch for a while, just relishing the freedom of hearts finally revealed.

 

He loved her.

 

Kylo Ren…

 

...Ben Solo…

 

...he loved her, and that was enough for now. More than enough.

 


	20. Knowing

The next morning they were having breakfast. The knowledge of what Lando had shared with her had been weighing on her...and it was time to come clean.

 

“Ah...Ben...I need to tell you something.”

 

He had been scrolling through the news on his tablet. “Yeah...what is it?” he asked absentmindedly.

 

She reached over and took his hand. “Hey...please look at me.”

 

At the touch of her skin, his eyes wandered over to meet hers. “What is it?” he asked again, his brow furrowed.

 

“I...ah...I have been wanting to tell you something that Lando told me. At first, I was scared to tell you...and then all the has happened in the last few weeks, it honestly slipped my mind.”

 

He looked at her confused. “What would you be afraid to tell me?”

 

“Ah...well...you never want to talk about your family...but it’s about them.”

 

“I’m not calling them, Rey...if he’s trying to get you to…”

 

She squeezed his hand and stopped his train of thought.

 

“Ben...he told me that your dad is sick.”

 

She saw the pain flash across his face...the pain of a little boy who never had the vacuum in him filled by the man in question.

 

“What do you mean, he’s sick?”

 

“He...ah...didn’t tell me much...but just that he didn’t have a lot of time.”

 

He stood up abruptly. “I...ah...I need to go.”

 

He grabbed his keys and walked out the door.

 

She watched him go...and scolded herself for waiting to tell him.

 

__________________________

 

He came back later, his face somber.

 

He saw her sitting on the couch watching something, still in her nightclothes.

 

“Are you OK?” he asked.

 

“I should ask you the same thing…” she said softly.

 

“No...I mean that you are still in your PJs at 4 pm,” he clarified.

 

She looked down, understanding. “Oh...well...you left and I couldn’t…”

 

His head hung in shame, “I’m sorry...I didn’t even think about…”

 

She stood and came over to him. “It’s fine, Ben...really. You have been taking care of me for weeks. It’s OK to have a day off...but I might smell…”

 

He smiled. “C’mon, smelly. I’ll wrap your arm so you can shower.”

 

__________________________

 

“So...can you tell me where you went?” she asked.

 

“I had an emergency visit with Dr. Andor.”

 

“Were you mad at me?”

 

His eyes raised to hers, surprised.

 

“No...I just needed space to think...then process with him. So many of my issues stem from my relationship...or lack thereof...with my family...so Dr. Andor is the best one for me to work through things with.

 

“How did it go?”

 

“Ah...good. I am going to call them.”

 

She smiled at him and took his hand. “I’m proud of you, Ben.”

 

“Would you be here...when I have to?” he asked. His eyes were looking down at their clasped hands, but when he raised them, they looked...wounded.

 

“I am here for you, Ben. If it helps...of course I will be there when you call...and I’ll go with you to see them if you decide to do that.”

 

He nodded and his eyes lost some of the strain.

 

“Where do they live? Is it far?”

 

He shook his head. “Here...Rey...they live here. Just a few blocks away.”

 

_____________________________

 

The phone call was short. Ben simply said he wished to come to visit, and a time was arranged.

 

She held his hand the whole time.

 

Now they found themselves at the door of a penthouse, across the park and down a few blocks from theirs. His jaw was twitching and she saw him sweating. The anxiety was crippling him.

 

“Hey,” she said and tugged on the moist palm in his.

 

He turned to her, and she tugged him down to her, kissing him soundly.

 

“It’s going to be ok.”

 

While he stared at her lips in a daze, she pushed the doorbell.

 

_________________________

 

They sat awkwardly on the couch, ushered to the living room by the Solo’s butler. 

 

They heard the clack of shoes on the hardwood floors before hearing a sigh at the door.

 

He stood instantly. “Mother,” was all he said.

 

Leia crossed the room and stood in front of him, her eyes wavered between disbelief, anger, and sadness.

 

“It is good you came. He...he likely only has a few weeks left.” Her voice sounded so much smaller than he remembered.

 

She motioned for them to sit on the couch while she took the chair next to it.

 

“What is it? What is wrong?” he asked.

 

“Cancer...it’s a brain tumor. He’s had it for years, but the last year it worsened...and here we sit.”

 

Her eyes drifted over to Rey.

 

“I’m Leia,” she said simply.

 

Her words rattled Ben and brought him back to the present. “I’m sorry, mother...this is my wife, Rey.”

 

“Hi,” Rey said softly.

 

Leia smiled at her, then turned those eyes with the kaleidoscope of emotions back to her son. “I heard the news...from Lando. I must admit, that is not how I thought I would hear about my only child getting married.”

 

“It is recent...and once we got engaged, we got married quickly. We...we eloped.”

 

“I see,” she said, the sadness overtaking the other emotions now.

 

There was silence. Then Leia offered, “Would you like to see him?”

 

He swallowed hard before nodding. She led them down the hall to a large room with a hospital bed in the middle. Machines nearby beeped and donged in a pattern of noises, while the whish of an oxygen machine added to the symphony of sickness.

 

When he got close, he could see one side of Han’s head was shaved. And scars trailed across his skull.

 

All at once, Ben couldn’t remember why the separation happened. He was transported back to when he was a boy and the man lying in the bed was his hero.

 

His eyes drifted open and he smiled, “Hey...Benny…”

 

___________________________

 

Rey and Leia left them to make some snacks in the kitchen.

 

“So...daughter-in-law...tell me about yourself. Where are you from? How did you and Ben meet?”

 

“Oh...I grew up in London in foster care and moved to the states for college. I was pre-law, but couldn’t afford to start law school right away. I’ve been working at Skywalker & Associates for a while. That is where we met. I sat with all the other gals in the assistant pool, swooning over your son. And then...one day he noticed me.”

 

“It’s not hard to see why.”

 

She blushed and went on. “Well, there is a strict no-dating policy there, so we kept it quiet for a long time. We just went public a few months ago, and once we did, we decided not to wait to get married.”

 

“I see...so was it just at the courthouse?”

 

“No ma’am...in Hawaii.”

 

She gave Rey a teasing, impressed face. “Well...Hawaii...how romantic.”

 

“It was,” she sighed.

 

“And...what happened to your arm?”

 

“Oh...a few weeks ago I was with a friend waiting to cross the street, and I got pushed from behind and fell in the street.”

 

“That must be hard...are you right-handed?”

 

“I am...and if has been difficult, but Ben is taking good care of me.”

 

Leia smirked at that, but then changed the subject. “So...what kind of law are you planning to go into?”

 

“Family...with a focus in fostering and adoptions.”

 

“So...not at Skywalker?”

 

“Oh no...I know Ben likes it, but corporate law doesn’t interest me.”

 

“You call him Ben,” she stated. “I didn’t think he used that name anymore.”

 

Suddenly, she realized she had been. When had that started?

 

“I...ah...it is still his legal name…”

 

Even more...why wasn’t he mad about that?

 

She was rescued from answering further by the appearance of Ben.

 

“He’s asleep,” he explained and took a seat next to Rey.

 

Leia nodded. “He sleeps a lot...don’t take it personally. Your girl and I were just getting to know each other.”

 

He looked between them while resting one of his hands on her knee. He gave her a squeeze. “Anything interesting?”

 

“Well,” Leia forged ahead, “when you came in we were discussing that she calls you Ben. That surprised me.”

 

Rey winced inwardly, hoping that didn’t cause a scene.

 

He just looked at Rey. “Yeah...I have noticed that. It feels right, though...more real for her to use that than Kylo.”

 

Leia’s eyes softened. “She was also telling me about her law plans. We should introduce her to your Uncle Luke. He has some connections that would useful for her.

 

Ben sighed. “Maybe someday, Mother. We are taking baby steps...give me some time.”

 

She chewed the salami and cheese cracker she and Rey had prepped. “I...I understand. Would it be too much to ask for you two to come to dinner? Maybe weekly, or a few times a month?”

 

He looked over at Rey, as if asking her silently, before turning to Leia. “I think we could make weekly dinners work. Would Thursdays be OK?”

 

________________________

 

As he was getting her ready for bed, his mind was swimming with the events of the evening. The heartbreaking conversation with his dad...the time with his mother. It was a lot.

 

He was getting good at focusing on her arm when he assisted her. It kept him remembering why he was dressing and undressing her, and it prevented him from looking too much at what he didn’t feel free to see yet.

 

“Are you OK Ben?”

 

He exhaled. “Mostly...it was a lot to process.”

 

Once her nightshirt was on, she turned to look at him.

 

“Did you mean it...about me calling you Ben?”

 

He rubbed his hands on her shoulders. “I did...somehow it feels more right...more real coming from your lips than the name I made up.”

 

She studies him for a moment, then changed the topic. “You know...I’ve been thinking about your offer for counseling. I would like to...if the offer is still open.”

 

“It is. I even asked Dr. Andor for referrals. Coincidently, his wife is also a therapist. She’s a Brit like you, too...I think you would like her. Dr. Erso is her name.”

 

She stepped into his arms then. “Thank you, Ben.”

 

“For what?”

 

“Just...just loving me...wanting to take care of me. I appreciate all that you do for me, even if I rebuff it sometimes.”

 

He looked down at her with his lopsided grin. “You do make it hard to take care of you at times...you get all independent and prickly.”

 

She snorted. “Well, breaking your arm and needing someone to do everything for you will do wonders for breaking your independence.”  She smiled, then her expression turned serious. “I know...we both have a lot to learn.”

 

He nodded. “We do. I want to, though...I want to learn everything about you, Sweetheart. Everything.”

 

She leaned in and brushed her lips against his. It started innocently, but quickly developed until they were both breathless. She dragged herself away, clothing her eyes and taking a deep breath. 

 

“I...I better go to bed.”

 

His eyes were dark and melty, but his expression was guarded. “Sweet dreams then, Rey.”

 

When she was in her room on the other side of the apartment, getting ready for bed, she looked at herself in the mirror and wondered when she would be ready for more. She was attracted to him and she loved him, but something held her back. She had assumed it was him and his past issues...but now she was feeling more like it was her.

 

Before she drifted off to sleep, she sent a quick email to the one on Dr. Erso’s card and asked for an appointment.

 


	21. New Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TODAY is the last day of Variance posting! The last chapter will post tonight. Thanks for coming with me on this sometimes hard, personal journey.

“So, Rey...what would you like to talk about?”

She wasn’t sure what she was expecting, but she thought that therapy would be a bit more...direct.

“I...ah...what do people usually talk about?”

Dr. Erso smiled. “Sometimes people are struggling with something in particular...or sometimes they start at the beginning...explaining their life to me. Whatever you are comfortable with, Rey.”

Something about the woman was easy...made her want to spill her guts. So she did.

Before the hour was up, she had gotten up to working at First Order. There was so much more to tell.

“Rey...I am going to suggest we meet twice a week to start. It seems like you have a lot to talk about, and then we can take it from there?”

Rey nodded, chewing her lip. “Dr. Erso...I understand that your husband is Ben’s therapist?”

“He is,” she confirmed.

“Do you...do you talk to each other? About patients?”

“Not unless a patient gives us permission. We occasionally consult with each other, but we try to leave names out. Are you concerned that what you tell me won’t be confidential?”

“Oh no...not really. I was actually wondering if it would make it easier when we get to the part with Ben if you understood what he is going through to help me more?”

“Are you giving me permission to talk to Dr. Andor about it and use your information to help each other? That is something you would both need to agree to, and it would not be giving you information about each other. If would be to help direct health in issues. If you decided to, however, there could be an opportunity for joint sessions. Again, you would both need to agree.”

“I see...I will talk to Ben about that, and maybe if he agrees he can talk to Dr. Andor at their next session.”

“That is fine. Now...are you free Thursday?”

_______________________

By the next week, they had gotten through her story to where she was currently.

“So...to confirm...you have never engaged sexually with anyone?’

Rey shook her head. “Rey...I need you to use your words.”

“No...I have not.”

“But you want to? With Ben?”

“I think so...but I am scared.”

“What do you think you are afraid of?”

“I...I’m not sure. That is partially why I’m here.”

“I see. Tell me, Rey, since it is out in the open...how do you feel about Ben’s past in this area.”

“I think I feel...intimidated? Maybe a bit nervous about how I would compare?”

“Is that really it?”

Rey thought over the anxiety she felt when she thought about this topic. “I think somehow I feel like I’d still be alone.”

“Could you unpack that a bit for me? What is it about being the closest you could be to someone that would make you feel alone?”

She sat on that for a minute, turning it over in her mind.

“Do you feel like Ben would find you lacking because of your inexperience?”

“Maybe…”

“So if that was true...would you be worried about rejection, or him leaving, or…”

Leaving.

That word had defined her whole life.

The people who were supposed to be the ones to love her and protect her left.

Ben said he loved her...said he wanted to protect her...but…

The sob that raised up in her throat surprised her.

Dr. Erso gave her a few moments, handing her a box of tissue. After Rey’s tears subsided, she asked gently.

“Are you afraid he will leave?”

“Yes,” she whispered.

Dr. Erso while quiet for a few moments before starting again. “Rey...tell me again why your parents left?”

“They left me for what they loved more...their addiction.”

“And...now you are in love with a man who has struggled with addiction also?”

She nodded.

“Are you afraid his addiction would make him leave you?”

She hadn’t connected that in her head, but it rang true when she heard the words.

“I think so...I couldn’t make them stay and choose me instead of their addition...so why would he?”

“Would you leave him? You struggled with addiction of your own...couldn’t he be concerned about that as well if we follow that logic?”

“No...I would never…”

“Why not?”

“I mean...that was so long ago. I know it is a weakness I have to watch, but I haven’t actively had alcohol in my life for a long, long time.”

“How is that different from Ben’s sobriety? His activity is also in the past, on the other side of years of therapy and abstinence.”

“I...I don’t know.”

“Rey...sweet one...you need to talk to him about this. If you need help, we can do a group session, but you must discuss this with him. You won’t get past this if you do not.”

She inhaled and exhaled deeply. To be able to name the fear brought a measure of relief, but she knew the doctor’s words were right. She needed to talk to him...soon.

______________________________

She waited until the weekend to talk to him. They didn’t have any plans on Saturday. After breakfast, she finally found her courage.

“Ben...I’d like to talk to you about how my sessions have been going.”

“Sure...do you want to sit on the couch?”

She agreed and once they settled, she took a deep breath and began.

“As you can imagine, we have identified that the abandonment I experienced as a child has had a profound effect on me.”

He nodded but stayed quiet to encourage her to continue.

“In essence...I am currently struggling with our relationship because of that. In my innermost thoughts, I think you will leave too. It’s not helped by the temporary nature that this all started with. Also...I have subconsciously been connecting your addiction to theirs, and thereby surmising that yours will make you leave me too.”

Understanding dawned on his face. “Sweetheart...I would never...”

She turned to look at him. “But...how do you know?”

He paused, reaching out to caress her cheek. “It’s true that life has no guarantees. But...your parents in the throes of their addiction is a bit different than someone who has been sober for years and has support. I don’t want or desire those things, Rey. The porn...the meaningless sex...that is not even attractive to me anymore. It’s empty and ugly.”

“I understand...and I feel the same way about my addiction...but I can’t help that the fear is originating there.”

He took her hand between both of his. “What can I do? What would make it better?”

Tears rolled down her face now. “I don’t know. I don’t want to feel this way...but I don’t know how not to yet.”

He let go of her hand and pulled to him, allowing her to curl up in his arms.

“We’ll figure it out, Sweetheart...we’ll figure it out.”

___________________________________________

Rey spent the day with Rose on Sunday. It felt good to get out of the house and do something familiar. They went to a movie and hit a few of their favorite boutiques in Soho.

“When does the cast come off?”

“ I think tomorrow. I have an appointment, and it’s been 6 weeks.”

“How exactly have you been dealing with all of this? How do you get dressed and bathe?”

She shrugged. “Ben helps me,” she said simply.

“What?” Rose shrieked.

“We have figured it out. He has seen more than I thought he would, but I’m always covered. I can get my underwear on, and pull on my bra in place. He has to hook my bra, get my shirts off, and wash my hair...but he wraps my arm so I can shower by myself. Usually, the worst is him seeing me in my underwear, which as you know, trends modestly so it’s not that different from a bathing suit. Also, I have been wearing a lot of dresses and skirts...that makes it easier because I can go to the bathroom by myself. We have made it work.”

“So...how are you doing with that hubby-you-had-a-crush on getting you dressed and undressed?”

“Well...our relationship is in a different place. He loves me...and I love him.”

“What? When were you going to tell me this?” her voice was escalating now.

“It’s new...and I haven’t seen you much lately. It’s true...we both want a real marriage and relationship.”

“So...have you…” she raised her eyebrows to make it clear what she wasn’t saying.

“Ah...no. It’s complicated. But...we are working through it.”

“Wow...well, I’m happy for you, Rey-Rey. Do you...ah...have you thought about if you are ready for a family...and if not what you will do?”

Nervous laughter spilled out. “No...I haven’t. But...I will now. I can always trust you to think of all the angles, Rose…”

__________________________________________

When she got back to the apartment, she was surprised to find the lights off. She almost hit the switch, but then she noticed candles on the ground. She set her things down, and followed more of them to the living room.

When she looked up, she saw him standing there with a lot of candles surrounding a blanket on the floor. It looked like there was food there…

“What is this?” she asked, her voice breathy.

He walked over to her and slowly bent down to kiss her. “It’s a date…”

He led her to the blanket. She saw cheese, fruit, crisp bread, her favorite artichoke dip, and sparkling cider.

“Please...sit.”

He helped her down then joined her. She recognized the strains of the Hawaiian music they danced to on their honeymoon.

“What is the occasion?” she queried.

“Because I love you...and I wanted to,” he said simply.

“Oh.” She couldn’t stop the smile that broke out across her face.

He leaned over and kissed her again. “If you don’t stop looking so kissable, I’m not going to be able to stop doing this,” he murmured against her cheek.

“Would that be so terrible?” she was feeling saucy.

“Maybe,” he teased back.

He spread her favorites on the crisp bread and poured her some cider. “Tell me about your day.”

She relayed the highlights of the Rom Com they saw, and the shopping after.

“Did you buy anything?”

She shrugged. “I didn’t see anything I liked enough to get.”

“I did a little shopping today too,” he admitted.

She cocked her head, curious now. “What did you get?”

“You’ll see.”

They talked about their day, but he was strangely cryptic about part of his day.

“Rey...I want to tell you something.”

He had settled back against the soft ottoman that went with the couch, and she was nestled in against his chest.

She turned to look at him.

“I need to tell you some things. Important things.”

She was quiet...expectant.

“Early on...when I started falling for you...I asked myself something similar to what we talked about yesterday. With my past...and walking away from my family, I wondered if I was capable of committing myself to someone. It’s something I’ve talked with Andor about at length.”

He stopped and shifted his jaw a bit.

“I knew I had settled it in my mind, but when you talked to me about your fear, I realized I hadn’t talked to you enough to help you understand. I...I can’t even imagine my life without you, Rey. You have become such a part of me...you are my home. When you said that yesterday, it brought such an ache…”

“I’m sorry, Ben...I didn’t mean to…”

“...no...not because you said it. That was fair. But...that you felt it, and that I hadn’t adequately explained my feelings to you to give you confidence in them.”

He turned and faced her. “If I even think of losing you...it feels like it would involve cutting off a piece of myself. I don’t ever want to be without you, Rey. I love you so much...and I’m sorry you didn’t understand that enough. I am committed to you...to this...forever.”

She couldn’t speak through the knot in her throat and the tears streaming down her face.

“I...I got something for you.” He reached under the ottoman and drew out a box from Tiffany’s.

She took it, hands shaking. Inside was a ring...a band of diamonds all the way around.

“It’s called an eternity ring. It felt fitting. I know you didn’t get the engagement your heart was set on. But this...here...I’m just simply the man who loves you and is telling you that if it is possible to spend eternity with you, that is all I want.”

He took the box from her and drew out before slipping it on her right-hand ring finger.

She looked at it and looked at him before lunging at him. Her lips met his harder than she meant to in a desperate affirmation of what she was feeling but having trouble saying.

“I love you too, Ben,” she whispered against his mouth.”Thank you...that was just what I needed to hear.”

He swept her hair off her face and behind her ear. “I’m so glad. It’s...it’s getting late. I want to take you out next weekend, though...something romantic.”

“Sounds good,” she affirmed before kissing him one last time.

She felt like she was in a daze as she drifted off to sleep. The fear was gone...and hope bloomed in her chest for the first time in a long...maybe ever.


	22. From This Day Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, friends...this is it! Unless the epilogue fairies strike (which let's be honest, they often do with me) this wraps up this story. Thank you for journeying with me here! I appreciate you reading, supporting, and taking the time to write such sweet thoughts. You are the BEST!

She got her cast off Monday. It was weird to have her arm functional again. She had some physical therapy to do still, but she could get herself dressed and wash her hair again.

 

It felt strange...she missed him.

 

He had a busy week with a few late nights for a case he was working on, and she hardly saw him.

 

He had made plans for Saturday...but he didn’t know about her plans for Friday.

 

Usually, he didn’t work late on Fridays. She texted him to confirm his ETA and then got to work.

 

She found the candles he had used the week before and re-routed them for another destination.

 

She scattered rose petals in a path between them.

 

And lastly...after a relaxing bath, she donned the simple white silk nightgown Maritza had helped her find after her other doctor’s appointment early that week.

 

She hadn’t really talked to Ben about kids or not...so, for now, she was on the pill. She knew they needed to talk about that more long-term...but for now, the temporary solution would work.

 

She tried not to be nervous as she waited for him to come home.

 

She willed her heart not to beat out of her chest when she heard the door...or when she heard him call out her name.

 

She was having trouble catching her breath when she heard his footsteps closer and closer down the hall.

 

But when he stood in front of her from where she was sitting on the bed...and said her name like a prayer…

 

...when she stood and pushed his jacket over his shoulders…

 

...loosened his tie...

 

...and started unbuttoning his shirt…

 

...when he clasped her hands in his, stopping her...his eyes searching hers for confirmation that this is what she wanted…

 

...when she looked into his eyes and found all the love and desire radiating from them…

 

...she realized there was nothing more she had ever wanted in all her life. All fear and uncertainty melted away in the light of his steady, devotion-filled gaze.

 

“Are you sure?” he whispered.

 

She had never felt surer...more wanted...less alone.

 

“With all my heart, Ben...I am certain. Please...please make me yours.”

 

______________________________________

 

Ben awoke feeling like he was still in a dream.

 

He had to be...because he was not alone.

 

It wasn’t possible that his dream girl was here in his arms.

 

It wasn’t imaginable that she had lured him to his own bed and given herself to him so sweetly.

 

It was bliss... _that_ was infinitely more than he had experienced before.

 

The giving was somehow more fulfilling...more thrilling than the taking he had always done.

 

The joy of giving her pleasure...of watching her come undone…

 

...beautiful…

 

He tightened his arms around her back and caressed the silk of her skin there, and he realized that he had never woken up with a woman before. He had never snuggled someone through the night and awoke to her scent in his bed.

 

He felt...reborn. The things he had learned in theory over the years were full circle and proven true.

 

This was real.. _.that_ was a farce.

 

She was solid and clear... _that_ was just a shadow, gopping for meaning.

 

This was belonging. This was not unnaturally cutting off part of his love for her. This was.. _.right...and whole._

 

This was good.

 

This is what he had never experienced before.

 

It was a first, of sorts, for both of them...and he would never be the same.

 

__________________

 

He begged her to stay in bed...that he had a surprise for her and he wanted her to just rest. While be banged around in the kitchen, she fell back asleep.

 

When she woke up...she could hardly believe the aroma she was smelling.

 

Her eyes fluttered open and took in his easy, smiling face.

 

“Did you…” she started.

 

He interrupted her by holding a fork up to her mouth, nudging her to take the bite.

 

Her eyes sunk closed in delight.

 

“You...how did you…”

 

“I ordered the syrup and nuts...I might have bribed the owners a bit…”

 

“They are so good...I can’t believe you did this. You know you are going to have to make them for me every weekend now…”

 

He smirked, and she leaned forward to kiss him. It tasted of banana macadamia nut pancakes, sleep...and Rey. It was perfect, and he didn’t mind any of it.

 

He set her tray over her and helped her prop up pillows to sit up before joining her with his own tray.

 

She was quiet for a moment, just inhaling the pancakes and eggs before tentatively asking, “Ben...do you want to have kids?”

 

He got nervous. They hadn’t really talked about not having them...and in light of what happened last night, he was wondering if they should have first…

 

“I...ah...I thought that wasn’t for me. I mean, but I didn’t think marriage was either.”

 

“I wasn’t sure. When I went to the doctor Monday, there was an option to get an implant, but that was more permanent so I just opted for the pill…”

 

He felt relief wash over him...then a little pang of something unidentifiable.

 

He didn’t want kids...did he?

 

In theory no. He thought he was the worst of the worst when it came to being equipped to be someone’s father.

 

But...when he thought about what it would be like to watch Rey be a mother...and have something that was both of them in a snuggly package…

 

...that didn’t sound so bad.

 

“I’m not sure right now. I’m not completely closed off to the idea..but not yet.”

 

She nodded. “I think I’d want to be out of law school at least.”

 

That sounded better. He would be thirty-three by then...that wasn’t so bad, right?

 

“Hey,” she called to him...her voice gentle, calling him back from his musings. “The implant lasts two years. Why don’t we start with that and see what we think?”

 

He leaned over and kissed her soft and slow.

 

“You know,” he murmured, “it’s not fair that we had the honeymoon before all of this. Now I don’t get you all to myself.”

 

She grinned and batted her eyelashes at him. “Maybe we need another honeymoon…”

 

He kissed her again. When they were breathless and broke for air, he asked, “If you could go anywhere in the world...where would you pick?”

 

“Italy,” she said without hesitation. “Also...maybe France too, but I’ve always wanted to go to Italy...Florence in particular...then Paris.”

 

“Mmmm...good choices.”

 

“Have you been?”

 

“I have...several times. I would love to show them to you. I want to give you the world, Rey...everything.”

 

She leaned in this time and dropped a kiss that quickly escalated to her dropping into his lap...

 

“Sweetheart...are you OK after last night? I tried to be gentle…”

 

“I’m fine.”

 

“I hope so...because if you keep this up, I’m not responsible for what happens.”

 

She smirked at him, kissing him again and drawing her body as close to his as she could.

 

“That’s it, Mrs. Solo...I warned you.”

 

She giggled. “You did...it’s my own fault...I release you from any liability.”

 

He groaned and wrapped her tightly up in his arms, hugging her head to his chest. “I am so glad for that one choice that set me on a different course. Whatever the reasons were that got us here…what matters now is that we are here.”

 

She sighed. “Me too...I’m glad you broke your own rule…”

 

“Which one?”

 

“To not get married...that was a very good rule to break.”

 

“It sure was, Sweetheart...it sure was…”


	23. Jingle Bells

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What do you do when you are stumped with the fic you are currently working on? You revisit favorite couples with a little Christmas spirit! Enjoy!

She had been working so hard. The first term of law school was rough. He still had vivid dreams where he forgot to study for his tort exam, and the professor decided to do an oral exam instead...and picked him first.

 

Never happened, but it still fills him with dread.

 

He’s hardly seen her the last few weeks too. What, with her studying for finals, and his increased caseload with Hux out on paternity leave…

 

He’s just done. In spite of the crazy schedule at Skywalker and Associates, the two weeks off at Christmas are a perk he anxiously awaits.

 

He has never had someone to spoil at Christmas. Until this year, it was only him. No family...no Rey.

 

His lips pursed as he considered his agreement to spend Christmas day at his parents’. Han had surprised everyone with a little rally, lasting longer than anyone anticipated. He sometimes had a hard time remembering things as his tumor affected his memory. It seems, for the most part, that he forgot that Ben was ever gone.

 

In Han’s presence, a utopian world existed where Ben was always Ben...never Kylo...and there was never any distance between them. There was something simple and satisfying about that...almost as if it all hadn’t happened. Han’s illness gave them all a reset...a second chance. Ben and Leia played along, not wanting to upset him. What was the harm in him believing their family was never fractured, to live out his days in happiness?

 

He checked his watch. He knew Rey should be finishing her last final, and he would leave on time tonight if it killed him.

 

_B: Well...how did it go?_

 

_R: Ugh...OK I think. Grades are posted next week. A few tricky questions…_

 

_B: You are done...now it’s time to celebrate._

 

_R: Yeah - what did you have in mind?_

 

_B: Surprise. Be ready by 6:30...wear the red dress._

 

He knew that would drive her nuts...the not knowing. He smirked to himself and rubbed the back of his neck as he opened the file in front of him and tried to concentrate. Tonight couldn’t come soon enough.

 

__________________________

 

He got home with 20 minutes to spare...just enough time to shower and change. He heard her humming in the dining room. He didn’t look, though...he wanted to get cleaned up before he saw her.

 

He showered and was in his tux in record time. He came back out in the common area and grabbed the roses he had stowed with his coat and satchel.

 

When he turned to enter the dining room, her back was to him. The red dress just did things to him. Last time he saw her in it, he didn’t feel free to just ogle her. But now…

 

“Ben...you OK?” She was biting her lip trying to size him up.

 

He chided himself, realizing how lost in thought he was...and where his thoughts were going…

 

No, that wouldn’t do...at least not until _after_ his surprise.

 

He set the vase of red blooms on the counter before crossing over to her. His arms encircled her waist, settling on her lower back as he lowered his lips to hers.

 

“You’re gorgeous.”

 

She smiled up at him tenderly. “So are you. I do like seeing my hot husband in a tux…” she crooned as her hands ran the length of his satin lapels.

 

He noticed that she was wearing the necklace he got her for the wedding. It perfectly suited her. He smiled that crooked smile down at her. “You ready?”

 

“With you? Always.”

 

He helped her slip into her black velvet winter coat before shrugging back into his own.

 

“Are you going to tell me where we are going?”

 

He laced his fingers through hers, leading her to the hallway. “Nope.”

 

______________________________

 

The car pulled up in front of the Koch Theatre. To the left was the Met. Once they got to the doors of the theatre, she saw the signs.

 

“Really?” she asked breathlessly. “I’ve never seen this...but I always wanted to.”

 

He tucked her hand in his arm and handed his tickets to the man at the door. He gave them directions and before Rey knew it, they were settled in their box seats. Just the two of them.

 

Her eyes were huge as she took in the landscape below her.

 

“Ben...you can see everything up here. Is that the mayor? Have you been before? Do you like ballet? Or did you just come for me? I’m hungry...is there food? Oooh...look at that set.”

 

He grabbed her hand and kissed it. “You aren’t excited or anything...are you?”

 

She turned her eyes to him and just smiled.

 

“Did you want me to answer all of them?”

 

She nodded, and he continued. “It probably is the mayor, my mother took me each Christmas until I was eleven when I finally refused. On the cusp of puberty, I insisted it was for girls. I enjoy ballet now, but I like the opera better. And yes...there is food.”

 

“So, if you didn’t bring me...” she trailed off.

 

He kissed her hand. “Then I wouldn’t be here.”

 

She looked down again. “To be fair...it is mostly little girls down there...you weren’t wrong…”

 

Later in the car on the way home, she was sleepily nestled against him. He stroked her hair and smiled to himself at the expression on her face almost the whole night. To describe it, he would have to pick...wonder. It was much the same as her face at Disneyland that day, and it just made him want to think of other things he could do to bring that look back to her face.

 

He really hoped his Christmas present would do it.

 

______________________________

 

They decided to exchange presents with each other on Christmas Eve so they could have their own celebration before heading to Han and Leia’s the next day.

 

She was nervous. She had never bought a man a present before. She wasn’t sure what was expected or appropriate.

 

He had said that she was to use the card freely...that the money was as much hers as it was his.

 

She really tested that sentiment, and she hoped it was OK.

 

They were cozy in loungewear in front of the fire. She fiddled with the ribbon on her package, still unsure. Finally, she just couldn’t bear it anymore.

 

“Here...you go first. I...I can’t wait.”

 

He smiled and accepted the box. She held her breath the whole time he unwrapped the box, anxiety clenching at her chest.

 

The air finally rushed out when he opened the box. A little frown furrowed his brow before his eyebrows shot up into his hairline.

 

“Rey...is this what I think it is?”

 

“Wha-wha-what do you think it is?”

 

He pulled the book out and the framed documentation right after.

 

He looked at her in awe. “A first edition? Seriously?”

 

She started to panic. “You said it was your favorite...Harper Lee signed it and everything…”

 

He just stared down at the items in his hand. “It’s...it’s amazing. I’ve never had a gift like this...so thoughtful and personal to me...”

 

He looked up at her and his eyes were brimming with moisture.

 

“So...you like it?”

 

“I don’t just like it, Sweetheart...it’s the best gift I have ever gotten. Thank you.”

 

At that, he dropped the items carefully back in the packing of the box and pulled her to him, crushing her mouth against his. It took her breath away. When he broke it, he rested his forehead against hers.

 

“I’m so glad you like it...I was so worried...I’ve never done this…”

 

“It’s stunningly perfect. I don’t know how you are ever going to top that.”

 

He wrapped his arms around her waist, tugging her and rotating her to himself at the same time until she landed in his lap.

 

“Now...your turn,” he urged, nuzzling her neck.

 

He handed her a slim wrapped box. She slid off the thick paper and a familiar robin’s egg blue box fell into her hand. Inside, instead of the jewelry, she found a soft leather wallet matching the color of the box perfectly.

 

She was a little confused.

 

“Oh...Ben...it’s lovely…” she attempted at a gracious response.

 

“That’s not really the gift, Rey. Open it.”

 

She did so, finding empty slots and a piece of paper tucked in the large pocket in the back.

 

“It’s a passport wallet...look at the paper.”

 

She did as he instructed, hands shaking as she pulled it out and then unfolded it.

 

It was an itinerary.

 

“It’s not set in stone. The agent set up a few things, but we can make any changes we want.”

 

Her eyes scanned the page. “Italy? France?”

 

He nodded. “And...other places if you want. We are going for 4 weeks...we could conceivably hit almost every country in Western Europe if you want.”

 

“I...I...I’m not sure…”

 

She stammered and then just stopped, looking up at him much as he did with her just moments before, tears threatening to spill.

 

“So...does that mean you like it?” he asked with that crooked smile.

 

She flung herself at him then, knocking him down to the ground as she molded her lips to his. She was unable to verbalize what it meant to her...all that he had done for her.

 

He was giving her everything she ever wanted and more.

 

Just one year ago she was alone...felt unloved save her small circle of friends.

 

But now...now she was decidedly not alone, what with the huge, warm, whimpering man under her.

 

She felt loved and adored...and it was heady.

 

She pulled back, looking right into his molten eyes. “I love you so much...Ben Solo. You have given me the world...this is just the tip of the iceberg. I am an incredibly blessed woman.”

 

He reached up to smooth her hair over her ears. “It’s me who is blessed, sweet Rey. You saved me from my lonely existence and have given me more than I ever dreamed. I will live out all of the rest of my days trying to give you a shred of what you give to me.”

 

She leaned down and smiled into his lips before murmuring against them. “You already do…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are curious, here is how much a signed first edition of "To Kill a Mockingbird" will set you back...
> 
> https://www.rarebooksfirst.com/to-kill-a-mockingbird-twice-signed-harper-lee-first-edition-1st-printing/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI7sux_ISN3wIV3LjACh3CgweGEAQYASABEgJDYPD_BwE


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